My bandmates what to play a show without me?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Phuffu, Dec 16, 2012.

  1. Phuffu


    May 27, 2012
    So my bandmates (my best friends) want to play a show during Christmas break, we are in high school, but my family and I are going on vacation and I can't skip the vacation. But the show they want to play will be the biggest we have ever played and will give us a lot of exposure so they really want to do it. We would open for a band that plays there once every month and I would love to make it but obviously I can't. So they decided (mostly my guitarist/singer) that it would be in our best intrest to just get the bassist from the other band we are opening for to play with them. He did say he would do it too. But I don't want them too play it because I won't be there and since we are a power trio 1/3 of the actual band would be missing. He also wouldn't know what to play on our original songs because neither of my bandmates know how to play my bass lines so there is that too. Am I just being selfish and greedy, or do I actually have a valid point? Also what should I say to my bandmates to let them agree with me? (btw my drummer is 50/50 on the matter.
  2. bluewine

    bluewine Inactive

    Sep 4, 2008
    You have your whole life in front if you. Either way your in a winning position.

  3. Totally valid point and no one here would think you are crazy for feeling like that.


    Here is where you take a deep breath and chill... ;)

    The band is THE BAND. If they need a sub bassist for the good of THE BAND then that's what you/they do.

    I started playing and gigging when I was 39. You have an extra 20+ years to do this than me. It wouldn't be a big deal to me so IMO it shouldn't be a big deal to you ;)

    Have a GREAT vacation. Your buddies aren't getting one! :smug:
  4. I don't see where you're in a winning position either way. I think you have valid points as to why the remaining two shouldn't play the show. Add in the fact if they play the show you're gonna have hurt feelings. These are the kinds of things that cause young bands to break up. If the headliner plays this place monthly, there will be other chances to play.
  5. We played a show without one of our guitarists and our singer did any important second parts.

    They need to respect your wishes as far as replacing you for the show and you need to realize that it could be good for the band. Be honest from both perspectives and you should be able to decide what is right
  6. You are the one going out of town and blowing the scene. Let your band get a sub so that they can play the gig. It is kind of unfair to your mates to keep them from playing. They just might resent you in the future if you take this gig away from them. Two months ago we had our newest guitar player do the same when we had a private party gig already scheduled. He demanded that we cancel the gig. We asked: Why do we have to cancel? He said: Because we are a band! We said: No big deal. We just get a sub. Then he throws a hissy fit. He also knew the sub we had in mind was a better player than him and he was getting all insecure. BTW, this guy was in his 40's. We are now looking for new guitar player. Maybe you should come out and ask your bandmates if they would like to do the gig without you and with a sub.. If they say yes, let them do it without giving them any type of guilt vibe. If you handle it right, they will be there for you when you get back.
  7. How many original songs do you guys actually play? I'm a college student in an all-originals band with a lot of bass-lead songs. I wouldn't expect my band to cancel a huge show because I wouldn't be able to make it (although I would ALWAYS be able to make it, personally, as our band is essentially the most important thing going on for me right now). If it would be in the best interest of the band as a whole, I'd let them get a sub for me, if it would work. Well...wait... I'm kind of changing my mind right now... It really depends on what your guys' music is like, I guess. Because if I couldn't make a show with my band, it would be a really bad idea to play that show because the bass is an integral part of our songs to the point that they wouldn't fly without it. If this is the case and it's just going to sound bad without the bass, it's obviously best to cancel the show. If another bassist can sub for this single show, and it's in the best interest of the band, I'd say go for it. Sorry if I kind of rambled a bit...
  8. Phuffu


    May 27, 2012
    Thanks for all your replies to far, they gave me an insight on what my opinion is. I still don't like the idea of them playing without me because they want to play the song for exposure, well what's the point of being exposed to only 2/3rds of the band right? We play about 50/50 originals vs. covers and in that show they would only be able to play covers because they couldn't teach the bass lines to a different bassist because they don't exactly know what they are. Also we are just opening for a band and I am thinking that if we can play the same exact show next month, then why not just do it then and not now. We are still only in high school, so becoming the next big thing isn't going to happen anytime soon, so missing one show isn't the biggest deal in the world, at least IMO
  9. Yeah, I was kind of assuming the sub-bassist would just write their own parts to the original songs but maybe that's too much to ask. If they would just perform covers without you, it's pointless. It'd be better to wait until next month, if that opportunity still exists.
  10. Phuffu


    May 27, 2012
    I'm pretty sure it will because the band we would open for is a regular there, also being a three person band changing the bass line would change the sound of the song. There are so many logistical problems that it seems unlikely that it would work...
  11. elgecko


    Apr 30, 2007
    Anasleim, CA
    The show must go on...
  12. Floyd Eye

    Floyd Eye Inactive

    Feb 21, 2010
    St. Louis
    Really? The sub bassist would re-write his own bass lines? lol

    That is so wrong.
  13. Hobobob

    Hobobob Don't feed the troll, folks.

    Jan 25, 2011
    Camarillo, CA
    If the sub can't learn the songs, then I'm gonna lean towards no. You guys can't record your tunes so he can learn the parts? If the answer is no, and the sub is just going to change the songs, then I wouldn't want the band to play.
  14. I wouldn't want a sub rewriting my lines, surely. But if it was imperative that the band play the show, I would have them bring in a bassist that can just come up with something, if the music is of the type that'd allow such a thing. My band couldn't do that, but I have known this to work with others...
  15. fdeck

    fdeck Supporting Member Commercial User

    Mar 20, 2004
    Madison WI
    HPF Technology LLC
    If the band has already made a commitment, and you break it on such short notice, it's dicey whether the club will want to have you back.

    When I was in high school, I took a hiatus from my band to take a vacation to Europe, and they won a battle of the bands without me.
  16. bassdog


    May 23, 2005
    Atlanta, Ga
    Subbing is part of giggin at times. Can you get together with the sub and teach him the stuff? All in the spirit of friendship and cooperativeness?
  17. Or this. This would be good.
  18. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    OK, I get that this is not your favorite thing. But relax. The TRUTH of the matter is that most people won't remember who the bass player was by the next morning. The next time you guys play, NOBODY will be in the audience going "Where's the OTHER guy that played bass last time?" You net to get comfortable enough with yourself to admit that. If your band has a chance to put itself on the map while you aren't there, just let them. YOU will get all the benefits of it when you return. Your friends are really excited about playing. Let them have this.

    I do fill-in stuff all the time. I bet I played 30 fill-in gigs this year alone. And you know what? Not ONCE did anyone come up and ask me what happened to the other bass player. Not ONCE. They don't know and they don't care. They just want to enjoy the music. So, when you get back, it will be just as though you were never gone.

    When you get older, you will let stuff like this slide more easily. For now, just enjoy your vacation. In this economy, there are a lot of people who would give anything to be going on a trip over the holidays. Keep it in perspective and enjoy your trip.
  19. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    If the gig will truly benefit the band I say let them do it.
  20. BawanaRik


    Mar 6, 2012
    New Jersey
    You are the one making the choice. Leave them to enjoy the biggest show of their careers up until this point. Maybe the biggest show of their lives. You chose to go on vacation.

    It had better be Paris. Or Amsterdam.

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