My girlfriend's having a baby, and she's in a wheelchair...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by miko, Sep 24, 2003.

  1. oiyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

    pass the vapors, i'm feeling a little faint.

    so, yeah. my girlfriend [or really, a girl i'm kinda sorta friends with, coz we hooked up by default through her friends] "became" pregnant 6 months ago and is now going ahead with the baby.
    she's 39.

    not one of her girlfriends is supporting her decision.

    my girlfriends [her posse] all feel that she is being selfish [in part coz of her age and physical condition]. they also think her boyfriend [who hasn't said anything about marriage, although that's less of an issue for me] is a lowlife scumbag who already has 5 kids he doesn't see.

    i'm pretty much on neutral ground and don't want to pass judgement, though it doesn't exactly leave a warm feeling in my belly.

    my main issue is that i don't think she's together as a whole, not because of her disability, but her attitude and lifestyle. she became paralyzed in a motorcycle accident when we were all 18, and she hasn't exactly given up her crazy ways, though she's mellowed some. back in the day, we did a fundraiser to buy her a specially equipped van, and she went on a drinking spree and cracked that one up; then totalled a nice new van some 2 years ago, following another binge. obviously, she hasn't come to terms with her situation.

    the other thing i worry about is the physical challenge of delivery. of course, she's going to have a c-section, but i don't know if it will still tax her system, and i wonder about the recovery process for someone in her situation [ie; blood loss, circulatory issues... don't know if those are factors or not].

    however, on the flip side, this girl has wanted a kid since forever. she's also very independent, in so far as her living and mobility situation. she can't work more than a certain # of hours, coz she's on disability, and there's a cap on how much extra you can earn, but she does do occasional outside work and gets cash.

    i worry that people are being too hard on her in terms of her recognizing a dream [refer to my 'women can be mean' post]. i do understand where they're coming from, but at the same time don't think anyone should be denied what they desire. also, not to be tight, but -- what the hell else is she gonna do with her time if she doesn't have a kid? she can't look to a job for meaning, doesn't want to do competitive chair racing, and can't exactly take up an instrument [though she did audition to be an MTV v-jay]. i'm wondering if having a child will perhaps give her focus.

    it's a sticky situation. her boyfriend is indeed a little creepy, and who wants another poorly- raised child brought into the world? but i just got the shower invitation and i can't imagine not going. i just hope it's not gonna be a night of whispery gossip and cruel conjecture.

    i don't know WHAT i would do in that situation.


  2. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    Be as supportive as you want to be. Without letting yourself get taken advantage of.

    They're adults, what can you do? Not much, unless she asks what you think of it all.


    Jun 1, 2003
    Orlando, FL
    wow, interesting situation. i say just stick by your friends side, shell need you.

    btw, your post made a LOT more sense once i realized you are a girl :D
  4. word, i felt like a 'tard. anyways best of luck whatever you decide.
  5. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    My sister has 2 Kids. One by C-Section, one naturally. The C-Section left her in far worse physical condition that the natural delivery. I don't know if this is how it always goes..........

    I'd support her. I believe very strongly in "Live and let live". Her other friends have to realise that it's not their decision.
  6. Prime Mover

    Prime Mover

    Feb 16, 2003
    TN, USA
    Just because your friend is in a wheel chair does not mean she will not make a great mother...think about all the cool rides she will give that child when she/he is older...It would be selfish of her to get rid of the baby b/c of her handicap!!!.

    Be supportive of her...she will need you there by her side at all times....I had a dead beat of a boyfriend who fathered my most precious rid of him two months later...I woke up!
  7. enzyme


    Feb 4, 2003
    Sorry but I fail to see why being in a wheelchair has any relevance?
  8. lump


    Jan 17, 2000
    St. Neots, UK
    Really? I want your bass. I'll pay postage.

    Let's see. You think that it would be good for an alcoholic, wheelchair-bound woman with limited financial prospects and a creep for a boyfriend to have a child in order "to give her focus."

    Glad I ain't paying taxes in your state.
  9. Bruce Lindfield

    Bruce Lindfield Unprofessional TalkBass Contributor Gold Supporting Member In Memoriam

    I tend to agree with lump here - your account sounds contradictory - so she occasionally does extra work - so why can't she look to a job for meaning?

    Or is it rather that she wants to do as much or as little as will fit in with her social life? :meh:

    So she wants to be "independent" - but also wants to be supported by state benefits when she doesn't feel like working?

    We could all do with some of that!! But that's not the way it works...
  10. lump


    Jan 17, 2000
    St. Neots, UK
    And just in case I came on too strong...

    Unlike some of you other "live and let live" pansies, ;) I am definitely a "tough love" type. I wish I had known you could become a millionaire just by telling people stuff they already know inside.

    Guest: "Dr. Phil, I know it's wrong and hurts other people, but I like doing it. What do you think I should do?"

    Dr. Phil: "I think you should do me, society and the gene pool a huge favor and just kill yourself right here on stage, you self-centered oxygen thief." [Applause]

    Although I can understand loyalty to a long-time friend, there is a fine line between supporting and enabling. Your other friends are on the right track. This woman needs to get her **** wired tight BEFORE having kids. You aren't doing her or the child any favors by supporting her obviously destructive behavior. Your belly isn't feeling warm because you know what she is doing is wrong. A child's welfare is at stake here. Be judgemental.

    That'll be $2.5 million (and your bass). ;)
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    Primary TB Assistant

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