my guitarists girlfriend is ruining my band. help!!!!!

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by the wako kid, Oct 4, 2012.

  1. the wako kid

    the wako kid

    May 11, 2011
    Let me start by saying we are all 17 years old with about 4 years of playing experience.
    me and a childhood friend started casually jamming and eventually started to form a band. we got everyone we needed,but the first guy we picked up after joining together,a rythym/lead guitarist is causing a lot of problems for the band. we would jam often and do a lot of songwriting together,until she came along.

    he starts to date this girl,and she is highly selfish,and just flat out ****ing crazy. she has nervous breakdowns if she cant see guitarist for a day,and the guitarist has bailed out on practice to hang with her many times. well all be going to his house,and if she cant go too because of her parents,shell threaten him with "if they come over and I don't,it's over" he hates this girl and talks **** about her all the time when shes not around,and they get in a huge fight every few days.he refuses to break up with her. me and other guitarist both have girlfriends,and its never gotten in the way of band stuff. guitarist hasnt been able to make rehearsals in over a month because of his girlfriend. his girl friend despises me and other guitarist talks **** about us when were not around. basically this girl is sabotaging the entire band relationship, and I don't know what to do. hes a hell of a player, and has written about a third of our material,but he's so blinded by poontang he can't see that this band isn't getting anywhere because of him. what can I say or do to make him stop this madness?
  2. intheory


    Nov 17, 2009
    SW Florida
    Trust the guy. It will either wake his ass up or not, but either way the problem is solved. :). Trust me, there is no other way...
  3. How essential is he to the group? Can he be replaced? Tell him practices are closed (no friends allowed) and he needs to keep the schedule or he is out the door, period.
  4. collins81


    Jul 29, 2011
    Woman blindness is sometimes irreversable. Unfortunate but true. As a band sit and talk with him. If he is not as serious as the remaining members, it is time to move on.
  5. the wako kid

    the wako kid

    May 11, 2011
    well as I said, a big chunk of the material is his, and we have no formal agreement about song rights. I just don't want to fire him and have him sue me for his songs back(just music,not vocals). I can speak to him about it this weekend,but the fact is,its more the girl than anything. main guitarist has had his gf at practices,and she just sits on the amps and looks cute,thats it. just listens to music. this girl on the other hand,seems to be determined that band pracrtices dont even happen because of her extreme need for the guitarist. Its a very sticky situation.
  6. jmattbassplaya

    jmattbassplaya Supporting Member

    Jan 13, 2008
    Tampa, FL.
    At that age, everyone is replaceable.
  7. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal

    Kick him out of the band, OR, give his girlfriend a tambourine.
    Tell you other girlfriends to learn how to dance.
    You'll be the most successful band in your school.

    He's not old enough to file suit.
  8. Chef FourString

    Chef FourString

    Feb 4, 2011
    In all seriousness, you can't help what people are going to do. If he thinks his drama with his girl is more important than the band, then so be it. Have a good, friendly talk to him about how you feel and let him know that you and your band mates can't sit around waiting for him to figure it out. He may be a good player, like you say, but good playing doesn't mean jack if he won't even show up to rehearsal. If she is causing drama for the rest of you guys then I would just drop him. One guitarist and his crazy girlfriend shouldn't be a possibility for ending what you have.

  9. mambo4


    Jun 9, 2006
    then the girlfriend is not the problem.
  10. Smokin' Toaster

    Smokin' Toaster Supporting Member

    It's called "Yoko-itis" and it's fatal to bands. Even the Beatles. The only cure, and it's by no means a sure thing, is to fire the member that has it before it spreads.
  11. denhou1974


    Mar 6, 2008
    "if they come over and I don't, it's over'

    This is childish garbage. I see adults do it to and it's childish and selfish. You aren't going to change him or her and you shouldn't get caught up in their personal business. It doesn't matter who says what. The only thing you can do is to tell the guy to keep her away from the band rehearsals and if he cancels too many times then you fire him.
  12. tuckomf


    Jan 18, 2012
    Neenah, WI
    Think of every gig as an entry on your band's collective resume'. If those entries read "Started late because the guitar player was fighting in his car with his girlfriend." "sounded like crap because the guitar player was fuming over a fight with his girlfriend." "Cancelled the gig because the guitar player decided to fight with his girlfriend instead of showing up." He can write a thousand songs for you guys, but if he's not showing up to play them, you guys are going to end up playing in each others basements and rocking for 30 minute sets at the local open mic night.

    I know, because I was the guy who ditched practice for his girlfriend. My actions on a couple of occasions cost us gigs, because I was too busy getting in heated arguments with my lady. It was our thing, and it screwed three of my best friends out of gigs. They fired me and started a new gig and did pretty well. I understand why they did it. Not at first. I was pissed at first. Then I took a long look at the previous couple of years, and noticed we stopped writing new music after I got a girlfriend. It all clicked after that.
  13. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    You're situation is not a big problem. You might not understand this now. It's a part of being 17.

    Thanks for letting us know the age of the band members.

  14. Earache


    Feb 3, 2012
  15. Primakurtz

    Primakurtz Registered Nihilist Supporting Member

    Nov 23, 2011
    Denver, Colorado
    There was an excellent episode of Metalocalypse about this very problem. Their solutions were completely effective. Maybe sit down and watch it with him. :)
  16. Fretless1!


    Feb 19, 2007
  17. Time to do your best Donald Trump...

    If he's that good, stay in touch and when it ends (it WILL end... I went through this for 3 years in college with my roomy's girl and they were engaged... and it still ended) bring him back. The upside to that is a scorned musician/lover can create great music!
  18. Fire him. It will take you a bit to find another guitarist, but you've got LOTS of time.
  19. hdracer


    Feb 15, 2009
    Elk River, MN.
    First show him this,


    Then do this

  20. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    The good news is that you're only 17 and this band really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things; they will be plenty of opportunity for other bands. The bad news is that, unfortunately, older players still may have PITA significant others who generally make being a musician miserable and may even make your whipped fellow musician quit playing music.