My mom is hiding (important) stuff from me..

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by kydnav, Dec 12, 2007.

  1. kydnav


    Jun 24, 2006
    First of all: No, this is not some teenage rant.

    As some of you may know my aunt (my mother's sister) died little over a month ago due to cancer.

    Ever since my mom's been acting quite awkward. That's normal, she'd just lost her sister.

    But about a week ago she ended an argument between me and my brother with 'Well, you should be nice to each other 'cause later on, you'll need it. You never know if I'm gonna be next' Nearly slapped her for the remark. But let it slide.
    Last couple of days she's been really grumpy and weird towards everyone in the household. Obsessing about my aunt and her children (my cousins are on a dutch sort of myspace and my mom checks out évery person that leaves a respond on their accounts)..
    So I'm a little worried about her and checked her phone.
    In her outgoing messages was one towards another aunt of mine, about some physical examination being okay, but her urine and blood are still being tested and that she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone about it.
    So I checked her agenda and the day before that text message she had a pap test..
    She was being checked for cervical cancer!
    And she didn't even tell anyone!

    Now what do I do?
    Clearly except for my aunt, me and maybe my deceased aunt's husband nobody else knows about this.
    I can't just go up to her like 'so, what's this about?' because I know I shouldn't be snooping around in her phone like that.. But still, I was worried about her and she gave me every reason to be worried.

    Bit of a long post, but thanks for reading it..
  2. ROON

    ROON Guest

    Aug 5, 2006
    Sydney, Australia
    Why don't you say "I think you're not telling us something" (in a non-hostile tone of course) and see if she spills? :meh: Mention the fact that she has been acting out-of-character.
  3. Bryan316

    Bryan316 Inactive

    Dec 20, 2006
    #1 - Cancer is not something everyone takes easily.

    #2 - If she's just paranoid and getting tested to ease her mind, then as soon as the clear results come back, she'll have a HUGE load of stress off her mind, and she'll be able to continue her normal life.

    #3 - Until she's really sure whether she's got cancer, all this is, is preventative maintenance. If the problem doesn't yet exist, there's nothing wrong with regular checkups. That's what folks are supposed to do.

    #4 - It's women stuff, about her women parts. You and your bro don't really need all the details, but women love to share all these details. Ignore it.

    #5 - If there really WAS a serious problem, she'd come clean with it when it's time to.

    Now go back to Guitar Hero, and relax.
  4. kydnav


    Jun 24, 2006
    I already thought of trying that one, but I'm expecting her to come up with something. 'cause I've heard her talk to people on the phone and colleagues (she works at my high school) and saying that my aunt's death is really kicking in and becoming a reality now that their all done with the cremation and all the other stuff you have to take care of when someone dies.
    So I already know she's going to play that card.
  5. kydnav


    Jun 24, 2006
    I know it's not something to be taken lightly, but if she's getting tested for a specific type of cancer there has to be something leading her to it (my aunt didn't have cervical cancer)..
    And as her daughter, my mom and I talk about women stuff..
  6. Pacman

    Pacman Layin' Down Time Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 1, 2000
    Omaha, Nebraska
    Endorsing Artist: Roscoe Guitars, DR Strings, Aguilar Amplification
    Mind your own business until she decides to tell you anything. Stop snooping, and show some respect for your mother, who's going through a hard time.

    A PAP smear is a routine test, and all women should get one regularly.
  7. kydnav


    Jun 24, 2006
    I do show respect for my mom and understand she's going through a hard time. That's why I try to take as much work out of her hands so she can have some time for herself.
    But she´s completely shutting everyone in the household out. We can´t do anything right and I´m really worried about her. I wouldn´t have checked out her phone if I didn´t suspect something was up (shes done the same to me)
  8. Pacman

    Pacman Layin' Down Time Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 1, 2000
    Omaha, Nebraska
    Endorsing Artist: Roscoe Guitars, DR Strings, Aguilar Amplification
    You talked about almost slapping your mom. You snooped in her messages. That's not respect.

    She's checked yours, that's parenting. Big difference.
  9. ROON

    ROON Guest

    Aug 5, 2006
    Sydney, Australia
    The fact that she didn't slap her mother shows her respect. If she had no respect she would've pulled through with it.

    I don't blame you for snooping around kydnav, I would have done the same.
  10. IMHO, that's going a bit beyond parenting. Kids are entitled to privacy just as much as their parents.
  11. morf

    morf Inactive

    Feb 17, 2006
    Sit her down, and tell her everything, then ask her to tell you whats going on.
  12. I have to agree with Pacman--why is going to the doctor for a checkup vital information? If she had cancer, thats one thing. But she doesn't--she merely is going to get checked for it. Everyone should get checked for cancer.

    and you almost slapped your mom for telling you how important a good sibling relationship is in the future? Give me a break dude. It is important!

    Maybe you are taking the loss of your aunt harder than your mother is?
  13. Chriss62


    Jul 24, 2000
    Austin, Texas
    so my family hid the fact that my father was actually my stepfather untill i was 20 or so. and now i hate them. well i dont hate my mom, but i don't feel i can be close like a family. kinda sad, ehh.

    what i'm trying to say is that sometimes sh*t is hard. don't sweat it though. play some bass. i hope your moms is ok.
  14. kydnav


    Jun 24, 2006
    She's getting checked up for a specific type of cancer that no one in my family had.. Not just a regular check up. So there has to be something that makes her believe she might have that type.

    And I didn't nearly slap her for telling me how important my relationship with my brother is. I nearly slapped her because my brother and I were hardly arguing and she comes up and says we should be more like my cousins, so I tell her that they only became that close because their mum just died.
    I don't have a horrible relationship with my brother, we argue as every brother and sister do.

    And don't call me a dude ;)
  15. Rodent

    Rodent A Killer Pickup Line™ Commercial User

    Dec 20, 2004
    Upper Left Corner (Seattle)
    Player-Builder-Founder: Honey Badger Pickups & Regenerate Guitar Works
    +1000 to Pacman for the right answer

    -1000 to you for coming up with a typical teenager response.

    parents are legally held accountable for what their kids do - kids are not held accountable for what their parents do. as such, and also given the fact that a child is a legal dependent of their parent, parents have the right to be as envasive in their childrens privacy as they deem necessary. where the line is drawn depends on the parent and how they see need to raise their kid

    my advice to the OP - stop snooping in your mother's business behind her back. when she's ready to talk she will

    all the best,

  16. need4mospd


    Dec 22, 2005
    Kids are entitled to whatever the parents decide is an acceptable amount of privacy.
  17. louieeadg

    louieeadg uncle petey?

    Jun 13, 2007
    outer banks, nc
    Drink a beer...and give one to your mum. Then she'll tell you what's going on.
  18. NJL


    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio
    +1 to you and Pacman as well
  19. +1 it is pretty common from the age of 20 onwards (well i think thats what the age they start doing them is generally over here, i dont know tho, never had one!)

    I think your mother was just stressing about the fact that she was having this test, granted, its routine and all women get them. But when someone related to you died of what your being tested for (routine or not), it would put you on edge.

    (granted its not the same kind of cancer, but that doesnt matter)

    Just give her some space, be there for her, be nice etc etc

    If she needs to tell you something, she will when she feels she can.
  20. Marlat


    Sep 17, 2002
    London UK
    Another point on what I know about pap smear tests - you get the test routinely, however, if your most recent test shows possible changes in the cells, they then call you back to do a more comprehensive test to determine whether or not there is an issue. It is not uncommon for the pap smear to show changes even where there is no underlying issue and for women to get the more comprehensive test as a result. Its most likely no big deal, but when its your body, you are going to be stressed about it whether, statistically or not, its a risk. Ever had an HIV check for the sake of it? Even if you are completely low risk, its still a stressfull day or so wait!