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my mom won't let me

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by walkinglines30, Jan 23, 2004.

  1. walkinglines30


    Oct 30, 2003
    I was talking about becoming a musician with my mom and she hated the idea of it! Im 14 , turning 15 early next month and all i do is think about music and bass. Thats all that matters and I can't imagine doing anything else then my passion!That really hurt when she said that and I wan to convince her Its OK! I understand the trials that musicians go through. I just need some help from you to explain why its not bad for me. and i do well in school!
  2. well...

    I'm sure you've had dreams before which you shared with her,and obviously they have been over-run. I'm sure she thinks this is another phase of yours. Proof to her it's not. How long have you been playing?
  3. Visirale


    Mar 23, 2003
    That sort of sucks. My parents have been extremely supportive about me wanting to try to go pro on bass.

    She probably thinks that you've still got a lot of time and that you'll probably have a new "passion" every year. Just give it some time.

    14 is still probably too young to lock yourself into one career. Right now I'm planning on majoring in jazz bass, but I'm also keeping my options open in music education and I'm taking extremely rigorous courses just in case I decide to go to a more prestigious academic school.

    Just keep on trying... As a mother she's gotta start supporting you sometime.
  4. PollyBass

    PollyBass ******

    Jun 25, 2001
    Shreveport, LA
    Ya, you sorta have to prove them wrong, in a sense.

    My dad played violin, and guitar. Said "You are gonna get that big clunky bass and give it up for something else, it's not to interesting, that bass". Well, I got my first Bass and little amp, and played for 6 months, after that, they saw it was something I really wanted to do, and supported me.(But not money-wise...)

    Just stick at it, and make show her this is what you want.
  5. Hategear

    Hategear Workin' hard at hardly workin'.

    Apr 6, 2001
    Appleton, Swissconsin
    Well, you can't do much about it until you're 18 anyway, so until then, keep your grades up and make music your full-time hobby. I doubt she's trying to **** on your dream. She probably wants what's best for you and thinks that as a musician, you'll end up playing on street corners for spare change and sleeping in a cardboard box. Maybe you could calmy and intelligently explain to her that music is your passion and you'd love it if she supported you and your decision to pursue it as a career -- after you've graduated high school and moved out of Mom's basement. Maybe she just needs to be (gently) reminded of what it's like to have a dream. Parents sometimes forget things like that, you know.

    ;) ;)

    Good luck!
  6. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    Yeah, I know it's going to make me sound like a fuddy-duddy, but you probably are unsure yet what you want to do when you're only 14. Hell, I'm 21 and I'm going back to college for a career change because I realized I didn't want to do what I was doing before. (the theme to my admissions essay I'm currently writing deals with "not being able to make a decision about what you want to do with your life, when you really don't even know who you are as a person". You know, how when you graduate school you have to decide if you want to go to college, go to work, or go to the military)

    As far as music as a career, it's mostly like any other type of freelance work; you have to put yourself out there, be in a location where you can prosper, and take a loss every once in a while. Some might say it's not a very secure living, but truthfully, I don't consider a lot of careers out there all that "secure" anymore. Unless you are a nurse or a lawyer, just about anything could crumble. With manufacturing companies outsourcing to other countries, it's giving a pretty bad blow to the economy. Not just to the craftsmen themselves, but to everyone associated with a factory: administrative assistances, marketers, IT people, contractors, janitors, ect. Where I live, it's actually easier to join a band and make money that way than it is to land a day job. (even crap day jobs are hard to come by)

    You're still young and will have plenty of time to contemplate your future. Even then, you can usually change your destiny if you wish so. Many people in their 40's go from working in sewing factories and busing tables to earning Master's Degrees. My advice would be go to college to study something academic, earn a degree, and gradually break into music. I can't tell you how to live your life, or what to do. I will say this though, you need money to survive in this world; you have to pay your bills and put food on the table, but ask yourself this: Do you value waking up, jumping in your 5 year old car, and driving to a job you love, or waking up, going to a job you hate so you can pay for the brand new car you drive there? Working in the IT business really helped me see how unhappy and stressed many people in the corporate world are. A lot of the clients I worked for were probaly pulling 70,000+ a year, but I would be willing to bet a good number of them are also on Prozac or see a therapist on a regulary basis. Once you take care of basic living expenses, then you have to say to yourself, "Okay, now let's find a job I would look forward to doing everyday". It's all about what your values are. Personally, I find that being a nonmaterialistic person makes life so much more easy.

    Good luck in whatever you do. :)
  7. Gabe


    Jan 21, 2003
    Leonard Bernstein's father was convinced that his son was setting himself up for a lousy career amongst criminals living on the street.
  8. Nick Gann

    Nick Gann Talkbass' Tubist in Residence

    Mar 24, 2002
    Silver Spring, MD
    Dude, you're 14. Stay in school, don't do drugs, and go to bed on time.
  9. PollyBass

    PollyBass ******

    Jun 25, 2001
    Shreveport, LA
    and play bass.

    play ALOT of bass.;)

    I say go for it. Music is good, at any age.
  10. Nick Gann

    Nick Gann Talkbass' Tubist in Residence

    Mar 24, 2002
    Silver Spring, MD
    The bass playing is a given. Play the ass out of your bass till it is only a B ;). I'm just saying that right now, you are 14.

    Go be 14.
  11. wneff


    May 27, 2003
    Woburn, MA
    When I was 14 I also wanted to become a professional musician.

    I think everyone who likes music dreams of that:
    - Playing your favourite songs
    - and play them better than on the recording, with much better bass lines.
    - Touring, seeing the world
    - Being envied by your friends
    - And LOTS of girls.

    By 19 I was playing in a Semi-Pro band and I learned the truth looks slightly different when you're a pro:
    - Playing OTHER PEOPLES favourite songs (in this case - 1990 in Germany - David Hasselhoff was very popular...)
    - People (and my band mates) wanted to have the songs played exactly like on the record. Please listen to "Hungry Eyes" from Dirty Dancing for a sample of how boring bass can be. Oh, of course, when the band decides to play a song you don't know and when you play mistakes, well, you'll gonna hear about that in the intermission.
    - Well, you drive to the gig, put up 3 tons of equipment, soundcheck, play, pack. Go to bed at 5 a.m. First shift in the Hospital where I was working at the time started at 6.
    - When my friends had a party I was usually ....playing
    - Well, girls. I had really nice girlfriend at the time. She basically left me because I did not make enough time for her, and when there was something going on I was ..., well, playing. And other girls, like groupies? I don't have the looks for that. Besides, would you really want a girlfriend that goes out with you so she can brag to her friends "I'm going out ith the bassplayer of [insert name of band here]"

    Result? I didn't play much for the following 2 - 3 years after I left the band and almost gave up playing bass altogether.

    Now, 14 years later, I'm a Physicist with a very nice company here in Buffalo, NY.
    I love my job and it provides me and my family with a STEADY INCOME. And as a hobby I am playing bass.
    ....and I play the songs I like, the gigs I like, for the people I like, when I want to, not because I have to.
    Big difference.

    Remember, that it is always a good idea to get paid for your qualification and your expertise and not for the time you put in. And to get paid for expertise, you need expertise. And your school is very basic foundation to get that, your college degree will give you some more.

    Your mother doesn't want to take your dreams way - but figure out if this is really what you want and keep your options open so that you're not at the point one day where you have enough of playing bass and you can't stop because you have no other qualification.

    Do I like playing bass now? Oh yeah! I love it. I think about playing bass for a good part of the day, I play bass another good part of the day. But I don't make my life dependent on it, because this is what I LIKE to do and I want to keep liking it.
  12. Im a sock

    Im a sock

    Dec 23, 2002
    Central MA
    If you want my opinion, get yourself a job and buy/rent a bass/amp package (~$200) and if you can afford it, take lessons (~14 a week). When I was 14 I was funding my sick bass habit by washing dishes at a local resturant. Terrible job, but it was worth it.

    If it's your money, there's not really a whole lot your parents can do about it.
  13. If your parents see that your putting effort into looking into music schools(not yet right?) and practicing 25 hours a day than they'll realize your serious and will get off your back.

    At this moment in my life(16) I'm starting to look at colleges and music school in a big university always came up. But my parents were relectant(they wouldn't admit it of course) and made suggests like well you could be an acoustical engineer or a copyright lawyer, thats sort of like a record producer right?
    But once I started talking about NYU and Michigan and started showing them that I was getting into it, than they have layed of :spit:

    SO, I don't know if my little anecdote helps at all but if it does, remember that your parents will stop complaining once they see that you are dedicated to whatever it is.

    And that means....

    Get a band!

  14. I think you should just keep a low profile with your mother, I mean at that point it will lead to nothing just arguing for nothing with your mother.
    Just keep practising and when you'll reach the age where you choose your way throught college it will be time to start saying I want to do that or that. Because at 14 you're in high school it's not important wether or not you parents agree with your dreams, when the time comes it will be up to you and not your parents to choose.
  15. Hell I'm 17, a year and a half away from college and I have no clue what to do. But music will not be a steady income untill you get pro or with extreme luck. You NEED a real job with steady income, your mother is just being realistic.

    Also if you've only been playing for a few months to a year or two, I find it hard to make up your mind already at such a young age. And think about it, your only 14 almost 15. Once your 18 your legal and what she says doesn't matter since you can go get a place of your own.
  16. Hmm...I differ slightly.

    I dream of:
    - Writing musical interpretations of my soul
    - Originality
    - The sound of loud, live music
    - Being respected, not envied or loved, by my creation
    - Pushing the limits of my musical abilities
  17. My dreams are usually :

    -Myself in WWII on Normandy
    -Naked women

    Good times :)

    Although I haven't had the second dream in like 3 years. War dream is usually ever month or so ^^.
  18. dave_clark69

    dave_clark69 Guest

    Jan 17, 2003
    Yeh keep your head up. I am 14 and just got my third bass. it has given me a purpose in life playing the bass. The only things i was good at before it was snooker and computer based programming.

    Show your 'mom' about how much joy it brings into your life, then she wont be able to say no, or as the words of the nights who say nee-"nee"
  19. Im 15 and im in a kick ass band. Ive only played for a little more than a year but in that year I have played for an average of 1 1/2 hours a day.

    Just keep your hopes up, save up money, and then when your rich and famous you can shove it your moms face... or just buy her a sports car.
  20. yeah. keep playing your bass until you have the say in where you want to go and what you want to do. then youll be ready for that big decision.

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