My musical taste offending girlfriend

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by PanteraFan, Jan 8, 2002.

  1. Well, me and my girlfriend have fairly different tatses when it comes to music. She's much more of a 'personal tragedy' type girl, who likes Korn, My Ruin, Staind, Creed etc. She has very varied taste in music, with stuff from Bryan Adams to Cradle Of Filth. She doesn't have a lot of favourite bands however, she owns copied CD's of bands(which I abhor) and a lot of CD's that she doesn't really listen to regularly, and is a casual music fan. She doesn't have much faith in bands, and says that any band who releases a CD has sold out.

    Me, I'm a loyalist. I am into 27 bands, and I own 54 CD's, no copies. I am constantly looking for new music to listen to, but I thoroughly research it first in order to ensure I don't get bored and have to sell the CD(I'm a scrooge and I don't like ripping a band off, no matter how much I dislike them). This often means that I get into bands that are very technically advanced, and give me something new every time I give them a listen, such as Pantera, Meshuggah, Skinlab or Primus. I don't have time for pop music, it's a sign of the state of the world. Ergo, I don't really like commercial rock or metal, such as Staind, Limp Bizkit, Papa Roach, Linkin Park, Alien Ant Farm and such. It's unoriginal, and it seems to be here because MTV(and therefore the trendy people) say it is.

    However, my girlfriend likes some of these bands, in fact most of them. She says she can identify with lyrical content like Aaron Lewis's or Coby Dick's. I'll be the first to admit her life has been pretty shi**y. She lost her virgnity in a naive one night stand, went into drug abuse, started smoking, was into self mutilation for a long time and went into a relationship with a man who beat her up and sexually assaulted her. She was also nearly raped. Now, she's cleaned up her act, started to before she met me in fact, she's off the drugs(has been for 2 years) and I'm weaning her off the cigarettes(8 year habit). She often wants to cut herself, which she used to counter by smoking dope, which I'm totally against and will dump her for(bad experiences with weed on my part), but fortunately she hasn't been depressed enough to do for a long time. However, me being the insensitive guy I am, I tend to pick holes in a lot of her favourite bands. I don't buy Papa Roach, Staind, Linkin Park. It's a little too obviously commerical to me.

    My problem is that she takes it personally. She thinks because I call a band like Staind's message non-existant, which I truly believe it to be, she thinks I am trivialising her past. I've explained to her that it is not her past, or even her taste that I am criticising, simply the artists. She seems to think I am calling her a mindless puppet, as I refer to the hordes of wannabe rebellious teenagers, because she likes these bands. I'm not sure what to do. Do I keep my mouth shut and repress myself, just to keep her happy? Or do I continue expressing myself to my full extent and risk offending her to the point I lose her(I love her to bits)? we both love music, and share a mutual love of a few bands(Pantera, Slipknot, Fear Factory), although our tastes do differ quite a bit.

    Is there a creamy middle to this situation? I don't want this relationshsip to end, all the other stuff is too great to miss.

    Thanks in advance,

    P.S. I also need some arguments as to why a band releasing a record is not selling out. I couldn't find it in the damn search, I've seen it here on TB. She maintains that any released CD is done so purely for material gain, thereby making the band a sellout. She doesn't care whether the bands she listens to have sold out(personal tragedy and helping someone identify with music is her reason for listening, rather than socio-political reasons like myself), as it isn't a problem for her. Please help me give a good answer on this one, I know it's BS but I can't structure a well-rounded argument. Thanks again.
  2. Well, I stand by my beliefs that someones taste in music is their taste in music. I try to not harass my girlfriend for listening to country (its really hard).

    As for the selling out thing, that just blows my mind. If you think about it, almost anything we do is for material gain. School, and work and the such. For alot of bands, the only way to eat is to do something more than play in a little club for $100. CD's are a way to get your bands name out so more than a couple dozen people know who your band is.
  3. SuperDuck


    Sep 26, 2000
    Well, if there's one thing I learned over the years, it's that one man's copper is another's gold. If those songs or artists have a deep personal meaning for her, it's because she put them there, not because "the man" told her so. And if there's one thing that people don't like, it's when you bag on their "theme song". Once my ex-girlfriend told me that Blind Melon's "No Rain" was the theme song for her life, and I mentioned how they were one-hit wonders. That's all. Didn't rip on them or anything. Well, she flew off the handle, and I quickly learned that NOBODY likes to have their music criticized.

    My current girlfriend (whom I have been dating for a year and half- that's pretty good for me) has VERY different tastes in music than I do. She has Now 3 through 7 or whatever the hell they're up to and is also into 80's pop, which I can't stand. I am into indie rock, classical and progressive music, and not really into the popular scene. She HATES my music. Can't understand why I listen to it. But we quickly learned that it's best just not to comment on it. Just let it lie. There's better things to argue about. My parents have been married for 25 years and neither of them can stand listening to the other's music. I think that for her sake and therefore for your sake you should just let it go.

    People like their music, and you can't tell them otherwise. Just let them listen to what they want to listen, and they'll let you listen to what you want to listen to. If you don't like it, just shut your mouth and bob your head to the music. I can't imagine something as trivial as tastes in music be cause to dump somebody.
  4. JMX

    JMX Vorsprung durch Technik

    Sep 4, 2000
    Cologne, Germany
    Relationship means compromise (to a certain degree). There'll always be something you violently :eek: disagree about.
    Just keep it reasonable as possible, if you want to keep the relationship.

    As for arguments:

    People need to eat.
    You need money to buy food.
    You need a day job to get money - or royalties from cd sales.
    A day job consumes time you can't spend creating great music.

    Selling CDs helps create music.

    Q.E.D. :D ;)

    That's the strongest argument that came off the top of my head @ 3:31 AM :D
  5. if she likes it, let her like it as long as it's not affecting you. if she tries to put on a staind cd in your room, THAT'S when you say "turn that crap off."
  6. who cares, you both listen to crap
  7. Eh get over it. Like her for her. Not her music. My missus is a dancer, she loves techno and dance music. I am a metal head. I joke with her about the crap she listens to, but we're not that shallow to get all serious over it.


  8. JimM


    Jan 13, 2000
    Northern California
    My wife and daughter hate the Blues and don't really like My Black Gospel music.We all like Ray Charles.I just dont play it when I'm with them.My son likes all music('specially mine) and I can get away with playing anything if I'm playing it for him.
    I don't think they mind the Bass or the Piano,but that lead guitar drives 'em nuts.
  9. I wont get into the rest, but PanteraFan, I agree with you, copied CD's suck.
  10. jazzbo


    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA

    I know this board is fairly anonymous, but I found it a little awkward regarding all of the details of her life that you've shared with us. I wonder if she minds having a bunch of strangers (as nice as we are) know intimate details of her life.

    Have you ever considered the possibility that you're wrong?

    I mean, your opinions on music are very strong, some may even say fanatical. But...what if you're wrong? Maybe Pantera and those other bands are everything you say they are, but are those things truly what makes good music? Music is a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but I don't think many can argue, that's it's art. Whether it's technically advanced art, mass produced art, or any other type of art, it's art. And there is no right or wrong as to what is good music. You can debate this issue with her forever, but neither of you will accomplish anything. Music is not the issue here though.

    I'm guessing the issue with her is respect. She feels that by saying negative things about something that is deeply personal to her, you're trivializing her emotions, and that can always look pompous coming from a musician. I would very seriously try and look at this from her perspective. Relationships, all human relationships, are about communication, honesty, and compromise. When you look at this subject broadly, I think you'll find that you both actually feel the same way about music; passionately. When you make negative remarks about something that someone is passionate about, especially someone you care for, it can be very difficult to deal with. It will often seem like a personal attack. She may be saying, "Well, if he really cared about me he would understand that I don't care how technically advanced this music is, or that I like what I like."

    You don't have to repress your beliefs, but it may be time to re-evaluate them. Every relationship is potential for you to grow. It's time to objectively look at this situation, and determine whether your need to categorically criticize pop music is as important as her need to feel you respect her emotions, her past, and, hell, her taste.

    Something does not have to be created with beauty in mind, to be beautiful to another. Music doesn't have to be "pure" to be respectable. If you knew half of the cheesy crap I like to listen to... (I actually own Christina Aguilerra's first album. Shhhhhh!).

    It's time to understand that you're opinion isn't always the only one, nor is it always the right one. (It took me a long time to learn that all of my opinions I previously thought were benevolent revelations, were really dead wrong and just plain crap). What's important, and will be important in possible future relationships, is respect, communication, and honesty.
  11. *ToNeS*


    Jan 12, 2001
    Sydney AU
  12. Bruce Lindfield

    Bruce Lindfield Unprofessional TalkBass Contributor Gold Supporting Member

    Varied taste in music ....hmmm??!!

    It reminds me of the quote about the actor whose emotional range went all the way from A to B! ;)

    I agree almost entirely with jazzbo - although I don't have any embarassing records in my collection - well not to me anyway! ;)
  13. Pacman

    Pacman Layin' Down Time Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 1, 2000
    Omaha, Nebraska
    Endorsing Artist: Roscoe Guitars, DR Strings, Aguilar Amplification

    Truly well put, TOFU. Thanks.

  14. Nick, you just cracked me up! :D

    Mike J.
  15. Chasarms

    Chasarms Casual Observer

    May 24, 2001
    Bettendorf, IA USA
    I think it is a little arogant to dismiss anyone's music as crap or having a "non-existant message." It isn't that there is no message, it is just that you aren't hearing it.

    Music is very personal, and people appreciate it for very different reasons. I love listening to my four-year-old mutlilate a three-chord song on his acoustic. Why, well because I love the look on his face while he does it.

    There is a ton of "mindless pop" out there that I enjoy listening to because so many of those songs trigger very fond memories of a particular times and place. Other songs trigger not so pleasant memories, but even those are a reminder of where I was and where I am now.

    Other music, like some heavy stuff, I can take in very small doses only because I appreciate the talent of the performers. I'd say the same about most jazz.

    Other music puts me to sleep, but that is a good thing.

    I think you need to take a little broader view.
  16. Bryan_G


    Apr 28, 2000
    Austin, Texas
    I have to agree with most people, but to me music is one of the most important things in my life. If a girl doesn't like or understand my music I don't think were comeing from the same place. I mean I would take it personal if she said something bad about my musical taste. Your girlfriend probably does to. I don't want to sound trivial but if you and your girl can't see eye to eye on music and music is too important to you to just let it go. I think you guys don't need to be together. My music scene is basicaly the only place i look for the ladies becuase I know that in the end thats whats important to me. thats just me though.

  17. If differences in musical tastes are causing relationship problems, you have much deeper seated issues.

    Is that some kind of joke? Cause it made me laugh.
  18. quote:

    Originally posted by nickisthebest

    who cares, you both listen to crap

    Classic, good one nick/. As for you music tastes I agree with the guy with Samurai for an icon. He is right. Different music means different things for different people. It's all about perception. No one is right or wrong about it, it is a respect thing. She probably thinks its a personal attack on her. Something close to her, i.e. the lyrics obviously make it more offensive/hurtful. STOP IT MAN!!!


    Do what you want. But thats my advice.
  19. frankencow150

    frankencow150 Guest

    Oct 17, 2001
    i have alot of copied cd's,but there mostly mixes.the only real cd's ive copied are cd's bands that are probably already millionaires.i mean,im not rich,i cant afford to cough up $15 every time i find a cd i want.
  20. My girlfriend and I are into different stuff as well. She's all into the industrial/metal/etc stuff and I'm into punk. We both take our music seriously. But you should just try to make something funny out of it. I'm constantly trying to slip a punk CD into her pocket or something. I act like I'm converting her. It's very amusing. We laugh about it. :)

    Gee, being happy all the time is fun. :)

    If you're depressed...fix yourself. Now.