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My trip to Wal-Mart

Discussion in 'Off Topic [DB]' started by Belinda123, Mar 17, 2009.

  1. Belinda123

    Belinda123 Banned

    Dec 26, 2007

    Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    What did she think I had, an elephant?

    So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.

    I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass, and a car hit us both.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack -- he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
  2. Jonny B

    Jonny B

    Nov 5, 2006
    This story is beyond win in my book.
  3. Jake deVilliers

    Jake deVilliers Commercial User

    May 24, 2006
    Crescent Beach, BC
    Owner of The Bass Spa, String Repairman at Long & McQuade Vancouver
    LOL!! That absolutely cracked me up! :D
  4. NJL


    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio
    LOL hahahaha!!
  5. Brandon Tuomiko

    Brandon Tuomiko Banned

    Oct 28, 2008
    Omaha Nebraska
    Very nice. Best joke I have ever heard in a very long time. I bet she feels dumb, oh wait, she will never know.

    walmart- the reason the country is in a recession
  6. Well, I'm not so sure that Wal-Mart is the reason we're in a recession but I like the general sentiment.
  7. Nathan Parker

    Nathan Parker

    Oct 10, 2008
    Seattle, WA
    Top drawer.
  8. Eric Swanson

    Eric Swanson

    Oct 8, 2007
    Boston, MA
    Thanks for that. I needed a good laugh...:)
  9. Menacewarf


    Mar 9, 2007
    How bout..."Walmart: We'll **** up your community!"
  10. anonymous02282011

    anonymous02282011 Guest

    Jun 27, 2007
    not only your community, but a bunch of em in China and a few forests in eastern Russia too.

    anyway, that joke was hilarious.
  11. oh brandon, never change :D
  12. salcott

    salcott Supporting Member

    Aug 22, 2007
    NYC, Inwood.
    It's kinda like the guy who was hypnotized into thinking he was a chicken. His wife wouldn't let him be brought out of the trance because they needed the eggs.
  13. J. Crawford

    J. Crawford

    Feb 15, 2008
    This thread = WIN!
  14. Joe Gress

    Joe Gress

    Dec 22, 2005
    Pueblo, CO
  15. eucalyptus


    Feb 17, 2009
    oakland, ca
    it's a funny story, but - are you sure that's exactly how it went down? could some of the dialog have been 'embellished' in retrospect? if not, you must be a very quick wit..
  16. Marcus Johnson

    Marcus Johnson

    Nov 28, 2001
    Belinda hasn't posted in awhile, I think she's busy working on the Go-Go's Reunion Mall Tour.

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