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My troubles, your thoughts

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Baryonyx, Nov 28, 2006.

  1. Baryonyx

    Baryonyx Banned

    Jul 11, 2005
    Marathon Man
    Hello TB'ers. Saying as this thread could perhaps be the place for positive religious discussion I feel I should speak up here. My motives are to find answers, fresh thought on matters I have given much thought to myself and am running out of new perspectives.

    Recently, I have been having a hard time accepting God. Is it really as black and white as the bible says? It's not that I have lost my love of good morals and values, but having looked deep inside myself, I cannot accept that all things are as black and white as the bible makes out.

    I do believe in God, but now I question whether what I believe in is God. I am fairly certain in my own mind that we, as people, are the appreciative audience of a being of great wisdom bestowing gifts upon us. Love, hope, dreams, compassion. Such beautiful, pure concepts. I feel that something with an understanding greater than we humans have has made this beautiful world for us to gaze in awe upon.

    I feel now more at peace than I ever have before with life. At the same time, I realize that there are great thigns being asked of me. I recently "lost" a very important person in my life. Okay, so it was the breakdown of a long relationship, but I feel like I had a chance to save that girl from the ruin she was making her life. I saw such innocence and purity being corrupted by the problems she had that she could not deal with herself. She was raped during our relationship, and that put a huge strain on what we had. Evetually it all fell apart, but not after much effort (and admittedly many mistakes) on my part.

    Now I see the downward spiral continue, and I feel I have lost the chance I had to truely save someone and make them appreciate just how beautiful life is. I'm not sure I should feel like this. In everyday life, are we supposed to try and help people, or is that wrong in itself, as change, for better it may be, is still change.

    In thinking of what I have lost, I feel a great sense of guilt. Something so beautiful created with such pure intentions, the dreams of her parents, the hopes they had for it. It all becomes nothing and I wonder and I ask myself "could I have saved her?"

    Through this, I started to appreciate the true value of human life. I thought of the power of dreams, the purity and sheer strength of home. I looked around me, and for the first time, I saw true equality in every human. Every man, woman and child on this earth has hopes and dreams. Ambition drives us all and we all (should) have the right to make our own destiny. Sadly, some become misguided, but the potential exists for every man at some point in his life.

    Now I appreciate the true value of human life. I accept that I have lost my chance to truely save someone. Now I question the nature of God. I question why, in such an existence where such beautiful gifts of understanding and compassion are bestowed upon us, can one thing that starts off so pure and beautiful become so corrupted in life? God has not answered me yet, and the answer is not forthcoming to me now. Is part of being a man accepting loss and facing in full the new challenges that come with each new day? I feel I understand more the concept of truely being a man more and more everyday, and yet, how does one find the truth, and in the truth, find his true path? Friends, I am indeed at a loss. Your thoughts would be appreciated.

    I apologise if these seems jumbled, unscripted and incoherant, I wrote it as I went along, typing in a stream of conciousness, if you will.
  2. I am sorry for your situation. Feeling like you could have done something to help a person but failed is a very bad way to feel.

    As far as God goes - we are only human and because of that, imperfect. Our ability to fully appreciate or even conceive of [God/Your choice of higher power] is limited at best. Accepting that you are human and prone to the short-comings that make you human may help you when you begin to question [God's/Your choice of higher power's] intent. I believe the act of questioning and seeking answers is part of the bigger picture - God or no - in actively living your life to the fullest.

    As for your ability to affect your friend's circumstances; unless you literally let her drown when you could have reached out and grabber her, you are probably not as culpable for her downfall as you are letting yourself feel. People need to want to help themselves first before anyone else's influence or assistance can be leveraged in a meaningful way.

    But engaging in self abuse over a perceived missed opportunity to "save" someone is a counterproductive exercise. If she wants help, she needs to ask for it. Simply offering may be enough to let her know that if she asks, help is there, but until she asks, there is little you or anyone else can do.

    Good luck. These are heavy questions and it seems that you are really feeling the weight.
  3. You can't save anyone if they don't want to be saved...if someone is drowing and you reach out to save them, but they don't grab your hand, there's nothing you can do. It sounds like you went through the same situation (metaphorically speaking).
  4. Baryonyx

    Baryonyx Banned

    Jul 11, 2005
    Marathon Man
    Thanks Tzer, it means a lot.

    It's not that she has to reach out and ask for help. She couldn't. I don't think she could ever understand that the way she chooses to live is a downward spiral, so to speak. She doesn't understand the trouble she's in because she probably can't envisage a life where the wrongs are made right. In this, I questioned my motives and asked myself if wanting to help someone who didn't understand that they needed help was selfish of me, if I was only merely acting to please myself. But I think if you understand that someone needs help, it should be offered. But you're right, if she doesn't want it, there is nothing I can do. If she were drowning, so to speak, it would be that I am reaching out and yet she does not see my hand.

    I think you summed it up in one line, and it seems incredibly profound and yet so simple.

    "I'm only Human".

    By word, the ability to understand that I am only human is a beautiful thing. This whole situation reminds me of a Hamlet quote:

  5. Edwcdc

    Edwcdc I call shotgun!

    Jul 21, 2003
    Columbia MD USA
    I too struggle with the same thing you do. I want to believe.
    I mean how cool would it be if god could just come and fix everything if you just believed in him. I know a guy at work who claims to be a minister and I find him to be an a** most of the time and he looks out for himself mostly. He keeps telling me I have to get saved but I feel that if I live my life well and I am kind to others I will stand a better chance of "getting in" than someone like him.
    The main thing is to keep being a good person and one way or another you will find your way.
  6. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    When people make choices that end up ruining their lives, we should not expect God to have the answers as to why they made such bad choices. God is not responsible for other peoples decisions.

    Good on you for caring so much. The amount of concern you have for your friend is admirable. You did what you could. Don't beat yourself up over choices someone else made.

  7. Baryonyx

    Baryonyx Banned

    Jul 11, 2005
    Marathon Man
    I'm going to have to hit the hay now, but I thank you all for taking your time to read what I have written and offering your wisdom. I'm quite sure that, on waking in the morning, I will once again be driven to action.

    Thanks again, I love you guys.
  8. Poop-Loops

    Poop-Loops Banned

    Mar 3, 2006
    Auburn, Washington
    I have so far learned in life that if want something to get done, you have to do it yourself. This also translates to "you can't help others if they don't want you to". You can persuade them to let you help them. But if that doesn't work, then it's a lost cause. :(

    It's a shame. But life isn't perfect. Sometimes you just lose. You have to gather yourself and look to the future. It's really bleak to think that way, but so far that's what I've seen. It's not all bad, but it's pretty naive to think it's all good, too.

    *cough* Pharao *cough*
  9. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Expand please. I am not 100% sure where you are going with that. I think I know, but I want to make sure before I type up a follow-up thought.


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