Hello TB'ers. Saying as this thread could perhaps be the place for positive religious discussion I feel I should speak up here. My motives are to find answers, fresh thought on matters I have given much thought to myself and am running out of new perspectives. Recently, I have been having a hard time accepting God. Is it really as black and white as the bible says? It's not that I have lost my love of good morals and values, but having looked deep inside myself, I cannot accept that all things are as black and white as the bible makes out. I do believe in God, but now I question whether what I believe in is God. I am fairly certain in my own mind that we, as people, are the appreciative audience of a being of great wisdom bestowing gifts upon us. Love, hope, dreams, compassion. Such beautiful, pure concepts. I feel that something with an understanding greater than we humans have has made this beautiful world for us to gaze in awe upon. I feel now more at peace than I ever have before with life. At the same time, I realize that there are great thigns being asked of me. I recently "lost" a very important person in my life. Okay, so it was the breakdown of a long relationship, but I feel like I had a chance to save that girl from the ruin she was making her life. I saw such innocence and purity being corrupted by the problems she had that she could not deal with herself. She was raped during our relationship, and that put a huge strain on what we had. Evetually it all fell apart, but not after much effort (and admittedly many mistakes) on my part. Now I see the downward spiral continue, and I feel I have lost the chance I had to truely save someone and make them appreciate just how beautiful life is. I'm not sure I should feel like this. In everyday life, are we supposed to try and help people, or is that wrong in itself, as change, for better it may be, is still change. In thinking of what I have lost, I feel a great sense of guilt. Something so beautiful created with such pure intentions, the dreams of her parents, the hopes they had for it. It all becomes nothing and I wonder and I ask myself "could I have saved her?" Through this, I started to appreciate the true value of human life. I thought of the power of dreams, the purity and sheer strength of home. I looked around me, and for the first time, I saw true equality in every human. Every man, woman and child on this earth has hopes and dreams. Ambition drives us all and we all (should) have the right to make our own destiny. Sadly, some become misguided, but the potential exists for every man at some point in his life. Now I appreciate the true value of human life. I accept that I have lost my chance to truely save someone. Now I question the nature of God. I question why, in such an existence where such beautiful gifts of understanding and compassion are bestowed upon us, can one thing that starts off so pure and beautiful become so corrupted in life? God has not answered me yet, and the answer is not forthcoming to me now. Is part of being a man accepting loss and facing in full the new challenges that come with each new day? I feel I understand more the concept of truely being a man more and more everyday, and yet, how does one find the truth, and in the truth, find his true path? Friends, I am indeed at a loss. Your thoughts would be appreciated. I apologise if these seems jumbled, unscripted and incoherant, I wrote it as I went along, typing in a stream of conciousness, if you will.