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my two songs

Discussion in 'Recordings [BG]' started by Gabu, Apr 3, 2001.

  1. Gabu


    Jan 2, 2001
    Lake Elsinore, CA
    Howdy guys... I have been fooling around with two of my songs and made some little changes to them. I am wondering if you all could check em out and make any suggestions. These are just me noodling around so there are tons of mistakes/screw ups etc... but I am wondering what other peoples impression of them would be.


    Thanks for your help! Please feel free to criticize, I am trying to learn from it.
  2. rickbass

    rickbass Supporting Member

    Anyone with the guts to upload their music for criticism scores points right off bat with me. So, you have my admiration for that.

    I only listened to each once, (sorry, my practices take a long time). Fundamentally, you have the germs of two viable songs.

    My main suggestion would be the beat. Both songs have the same problem I find most often - the song drags. "Amercian Dream" - twice as fast. "So Long Ago," - either faster or slow it down a lot if you want the mood of the song to reflect the feeling of the lyrics.

    Guitar sound on "American Dream" needs to be LOUD. Heavy overdriven guitar would help make it more commercially viable. If the guitar-bass sound isn't more out front the drums need to be busier. Otherwise, they can lay back on the beat. Your bass lines are muscular and I would guess you wrote the songs, (performed guitar, too?). A good guitarist/guitarists could really dress it up.

    "So Long Ago." Keyboards would really help it out. I think you're after a dark. moody sound, and they could certainly help. So would the guitar if it had some effects to add some "mystery," like echo/delay and tremelo. The lyrics don't float my boat, but I don't pretend to be a lyricist anyway.

    As you said, there are lots of mistakes. But you have the "bones" for something you could eventually lay down in a studio. The overall sound could be updated to be ready for download at farmclub.com . It seems kind of "quaint" for today's tastes.

    Bottomline, keep at it. The seed is there.
  3. Huna Funk

    Huna Funk

    Dec 5, 2000
    I almost didn't respond to this beacuse almost everything I have to say Rick already did, we must be hearing these songs in similar ways.

    The only thing I can think of suggesting other than what's been said is this. For American Dream I think the tempo works well the way it is, it makes for a sort of early punk feel. I'm also hearing all sorts of horn possibilities for the parts that get really fast, that could make those parts really jump out at the listener.

    Keep on it bro, you have some pretty cool stuff to work with there already.
  4. Cornbread


    Jun 20, 2000
    Lawrence, Ma
    I agree about the dragging. You could also work on the transitions between verse and chorus.
    I liked the second song better, but you'd need to liven up the singing.

    By the way, if you want to here ME sing (poorly), I've got a post further down the page http://www.talkbass.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=14250
    I'd really like to know what you folks think about that stuff.
  5. Gabu


    Jan 2, 2001
    Lake Elsinore, CA
    I am going to keep on noodling until I get them just the way I like em... and then change em more. I am a tinkerer at heart. :)

    You guessed right RB, that is me on guitar. I know only one chord... but fortunately, it's the barre chord! :D (that's the spelling right?) It's also me on drums (a la PC) and singing. Oh, yeah! I play bass too. ;)

    I appreciate the help. I am gonna update these songs again this weekend after reading up on everyones ideas and hopefully can get em a bit cleaner as well.

    I like the idea of keyboards in So Long Ago... Should be wild. I want it to be deep and heavy. Slowing it down would certainly be a option. I agree that some more action vocalwise would be helpful too.... must work on that. (Time to sing with the radio again!)

    Also speeding up American Dream ... I was thinking that altering the drum pattern might cause that effect without speeding it up. Kinda building the intensity.

    Thanks again to everyone who looked and will look at these songs... You all rock!
  6. I haven´t got time now to listen to your songs, but I will later... :)

    but about that inet1.org..... are you a part of that corp. or something?

    I took a look at it, and my band is sorta looking for a new server soon... so any info on when it´ll open and stuff? :)
  7. Gabu


    Jan 2, 2001
    Lake Elsinore, CA
    :p That is my pet project... I am still saving up, building servers and programming all that. It has aways to go. I am currently using mydomain.com to "point" inet1.org to my local webspace on earthlink. That is a free service too. So if you bought the website name www.mybandrules.com (or whatever) then build a website on your local isp (like aol), then you register with MYDOMAIN.COM and they point www.mybandrules.com to your aol website and it's transparent to people visiting your webpage.

    I will post a message when I am ready with my stuff. :) Good luck!!
  8. funny thing.... www.mybandrules.com exists!! :)

    yeah... I have something like that with www.kjarri.com.. that I don´t use... and www.the-bass.net which I think I pay $35 a year...

    (I don´t know what the hell I´m doing with TWO domains that I never use and that I´m too lazy to update....)

    maybe the-bass.net should be a promoting site for unknown bassists... hmm... there´s an idea ;)
  9. Gabu


    Jan 2, 2001
    Lake Elsinore, CA
    I know all of you are into fine music.... :D

    Those of you that are not into fine music probably like to criticize!

    Let's have it!! :p

    Don't make me expose you to more of them. ;)
  10. ok, I just took the time to listen to your songs...

    and I think those songs are really cool... but of course the quality pretty much sucks...

    but if you´d get a real drummer and maybe another guitarist... and record it in a studio, I´m sure they would come out super! :D

    anyway, i like both songs, and think you should record them (in a studio) and then post here again... :)

    btw... my band, <a href="http://www.freespeech.org/remus">Remus</a> will go record this friday and then ya´ll get to criticise me! :D
  11. Gabu


    Jan 2, 2001
    Lake Elsinore, CA
    Cool. :D I have FINALLY gotten my Vegas to work!! Now I am going to redo my songs. I have no drummer... (damn deadbeats) but will get my bass, drum machine, guitar (leads and rythms), and vocals all recorded digitally this time. It should be much better. I have been having a lot of fun with Vegas since yesterday and am looking very much forward to recording my full demo now. I will probably try to cover up the generic drum beats with some guitar flash and stuff, since evidently there is no drummer in my immediate future. In closing, all drummers must die. :p

    Wowsers I should be a rockstar in no time now! ;)
  12. yeah! u´re the rocker of the century!! :D

    but, we went to the studio this weekend....


    we recorded both our songs, and it went really well... :)

    and since we were trapped in the town we were in ('cuz of weather), and since we weren´t paying by the hour, we just messed with the songs until they became as near perfect as we could make 'em..

    for example, on one song, we recorded 4 guitars! :)

    and we were even that lucky that we got free beer!! and lots of it!!!! :D (the beer covered up most of what we had to pay for the recordings... ;) )
  13. but, unfortunately, we didn´t get any recordings to take with us... since it was for a compilation cd, we probably won´t get it until they have mastered all the songs.... :(

    but it´ll be fine.... I´m getting sick of these songs anyway.... :)

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