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Neighbor and moral dilemma- Long story!

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by chris4001asat, Aug 25, 2012.


  1. chris4001asat

    chris4001asat

    Dec 16, 2002
    Toledo, Ohio
    Warehouse Manager : Reverend Guitars
    I have a 9 year old daughter, and there's a 9 year old two houses away. Same school. The girl is ALWAYS over, almost every day, and her parents rarely check on her. We've fed her lunch AND dinner on the same day several times. We've tried to get them to play at her house, they'll go there for a little bit, but end up back at our house after a 1/2 hour or so. My girls keep saying that they are tired of her being over all the time. We've tried to tell the girl no....she's stood there and cried saying she has nobody else to play with. They have a 19 year old daughter, and two boys in high school, so I kinda think she was an oops, but who knows. They devote all their time to their boys sporting events. My wife and her mom got into a little fight a year ago over some toys that our daughter said she took, the mom said she just borrowed them. Her mom said we weren't good parents because we didn't teach our daughter the difference between taking and borrowing. That blew over after a couple days, but I remained very cautious around them. Now it all hit the fan again. My wife made a comment about her eating dinner at our house again. She half jokingly said don't your parents feed you? I also, on the day before, accidentally backed over her scooter. I was cutting the grass, and her scooter was on the driveway in my wifes spot. I moved it behind my car so my wife wouldn't have to move it. She has been told frequently not to leave it on the driveway. I finished with the grass, and went to put my car in the garage. I backed up to get a better angle, didn't see it in the mirror. A small piece of plastic was broke on the back, but all else seemed ok. It's over a year old, been left outside overnight, in the rain. She drove it home ok. I should've went over and told them what happened, but it seemed fine. So after another screaming match between her mom and my wife about that comment, she called up and said they have a witness of me running over her scooter. And again was accused of bad parenting, and un-christian like morals for not going over and explaining what happened. She said I have three days to replace it, or they'll file a report. I checked with a lawyer friend who said they have no case. But the nice guy in me, and I'm horribly nice, feels bad and that I should replace it. My wife says no. I personally never want anything to do with that family again. My girls say they don't care if they ever play together again. But I still ran it over, and feel guilty. Any opinions?
     
  2. nickbass79

    nickbass79

    Nov 11, 2009
    North Carolina
    Opinions on if you should buy a new scooter for the girl or cut all ties with the neighbor drama?

    How do you get along with the girls dad? Talk to him and sort it out

    Drama drives me nutz, so I usually cut ties once it happens 2-3 times, always leaving the benefit of the doubt for a neighbor.

    If you buy a new scooter, be sure to buy an equal or nicer one for your daughter. Better to take the higher ground, IMO.
     
  3. No case indeed. No one is going to sue over that situation and win. Also, very unchristian like behavior from someone calling you on your so-called bad behavior, which seems perfectly fine by me.
    I agree with your wife. Tell them to pound sand. I wouldn't lose anymore sleep over it. :)
     
  4. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA
    Tell them to pound sand. Say that all the money you spent of feeding her should make it about even.
     
  5. Yeah...what he said :)
     
  6. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA
    Ha. I didn't see your pound sand post. I was too busy sculpting my poetry to see it pop up. :D
     
  7. Great minds think alike. :)
     
  8. jkramer5

    jkramer5

    Jul 14, 2008
    Fairfield, CA
    You moved the scooter around, you could have moved it NOT behind your car, it's your fault. All you owe them is what makes them whole again , meaning the price of a used scooter, not a new one. More than that and your a nice guy. And yeah you probably should have gone over and told em oops you backed over it, being the nice guy that you are.

    In regards the your wife's comment, not cool. Better to be a grown up and hold her comments in front of the kids mom. The rest is up to you. Your families have to live close to each other, some peace would be optimal. Easiest way to not have to feed their kid is to send her home at meal time. If you don't want to have her back that day, tell her it's time to go home for today and they will see each other the next day etc etc.

    As to the neighbor calling your parenting skills into question, why would you let that get to you? It's a cheap shot, take it as so. And give her the end cut of the watermelon at the next block party lol.
     
  9. colcifer

    colcifer Esteemed Nitpicker Supporting Member

    Feb 10, 2010
    A Galaxy Far, Far Away
    Figure out what's best for all of the kids involved first and then deal with the adults.
     
  10. replace the scooter with the nicest razor money can buy and let them babysit their own child from here on out...
     
  11. Joey3313

    Joey3313

    Nov 28, 2003
    Or buy the girl a really nice scooter and make sure your daughter "borrows" it indefinitely.
     
  12. Yup, wash your hands and don't look back! I think you have shown enough kindness to the girl and her parents obviously don't see things the same way. So like it was suggested before, send her home when it comes to dinner time. Nothing wrong with that! You should set a "play time" limit if you want to "restrict access" to your home.

    While its is always good to have a sense of community in a neighborhood, I don't think that means you all have to be best buds either...
     
  13. Jeff K

    Jeff K Supporting Member

    Jul 9, 2005
    Memphis, TN
    Personally, I'd go ahead and replace the scooter. But then I'd take it over to their house and say, "Here's the scooter. But that's it. From now on, let's sever all ties as far as our kids playing together. We have nothing against your daughter; but your words and behavior towards my wife and I have soured any desire for socializing."
     
  14. Mysterion

    Mysterion

    Jan 10, 2012
    This is really a pretty short story:

    "I accidentally ran over a neighbor child's scooter that was in my driveway. Should I replace the scooter, even though I have an uncomfortable relationship with the neighbors?"

    The answer is yes; that would be what a good neighbor does. Then walk away. Everything else is baggage.
     
  15. kesslari

    kesslari Groovin' with the Big Dogs Staff Member Supporting Member

    Dec 21, 2007
    Santa Cruz Mtns, California
    Lark in the Morning Instructional Videos; Audix Microphones
    Yes. The followup question is "what do we do as far as an ongoing relationship with this family, and between our daughters?"

    The phrase "tell them to pound sand" comes to mind. Not sure why...
     
  16. replace the part that broke... specially since its still in working condition... No need for even a used replacement...

    Then tell them to pound the sand :p
     
  17. Turock

    Turock Supporting Member

    Apr 30, 2000
    Melnibone
    If I ran over a kid's scooter, toy, etc... I would buy the kid a new one.
     
  18. Strat-Mangler

    Strat-Mangler Banned

    Aug 15, 2010
    Here's my experience in life... the good people always feel guilty and the bad people always bully.

    Your neighbors are essentially not being understanding or compassionate in any way towards you and your family, despite how you've acted all this time with their daughter. They've also haven't considered how this could impact their daughter's psychological well-being, but considering what you posted earlier, I'm not exactly surprised at their behavior.

    I'm not old (34), but when I was a kid, if something bad happened, parents would usually look at things logically and easily assign blame on the kid if he/she acted in a dumb way. You asked this girl multiple times to move her scooter and she still left it in that spot. Parents of yesteryear would use that opportunity to teach her a lesson about consequences and accountability. Nowadays, parents use a situation like that to threaten and bully people into paying (figuratively & literally) for their children's mistakes.

    In short, I'd tell them that you've been nothing but accepting of their daughter but that this ends it all and that you no longer wish to have any contact with them whatsoever.

    However, don't be surprised if some attempt (no matter how petty) is attempted at making your life annoying for some time. That can include badmouthing/spreading rumors to small-claims court suits and calls to the police for noise complaints and the like.

    Good luck with your situation.
     
  19. I agree, let's not make the kid suffer because the parents are d-bags.
     
  20. jarrydee

    jarrydee

    Oct 22, 2011
    Michigan
    +1...my daughters friend left her bike in the front yard after me telling her numerous times to put it in the back if they were going to be in the house for long periods of time...well she didn't and her bike got stolen...not me or my wife's fault but we did get her a used one from a flea market, I just felt bad for her and her mom does not have much money, we don't have much either but it just felt like the right thing to do..we also feed this kid all the time, her mom don't care what she does or where she goes, so she is at our house a lot...I am not a christian, I dont think you have to be to know what feels like the right thing to do...Get the kid a new scooter, it is not her fault her parents are idiots.
     

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