New Year's Gig Story.... Does This Make Me a Bad Person?

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by millsbass5, Jan 2, 2015.

  1. Wow. Now that's a long post. Sorry, people.

    So, I get a call Thanksgiving weekend to fill in for a newly-formed band of some really experienced veterans that I've never heard play together, for a New Year's Eve gig. As a couple of my friends/ex-band mates (Band mate... I hate that damn word for some reason) referenced me and gave 'em my name/number as an occasional fill-in that can learn the set list in a quick, professional manner. So, I get a copy of the set list, and some very, very high-quality live recordings to get every, single, solitary, minute detail of every song down, including the all the breakdowns/endings to the songs. So far, so good, right? Hell yes! I'm friggin' stoked, to say the least. This gig feels pretty familiar to my old gig. These guys are all pretty much the same as my old band they're pretty financially well-off, middle-aged veteran musicians that don't quite act their age on occasion, that's got some skills goin' on. And besides, I haven't gigged since the 1st week of April, since "retiring" from the one, single band I played in for 25+/- years of my gigging career. I seriously didn't realize how much I missed this stuff. And, to beat it all, I was jammin' with some strangers. So, to say the least, I'm ringin' in the New Year, makin' myself some easy money, with a band that kicks so hard, that felony charges should be brought forth. And, the monitor/P.A. rig is top-to-bottom, high-grade stuff, that could easily be used in Shea Stadium at "not-so Beatlesque" volumes :laugh:. I just love overkill :D when it comes to a high-quality, clean-sounding PA gear, with the mixdown coming from God. It's something that simply cannot be described. A high-quality system with a great soundman can quite possibly give a true musician a boner. It's true, I read it online.
    So, what in 'Sam Hell' could ever go wrong? Smooth sailing in the land of gigs and money, I say. That's what it's all about. Cha-ching! What a great start to the New Year. And, with a band that ticks like a high-dollar, bespoke Swiss-made watch. Hey, it's well deserved. These guys work really hard. At life, and music. They friggin' k-i-c-k, for sure. It's just some great rock and funk/R&B music that's played note-for-note. That's really what makes it so damn good.
    So, we meet at the club earlier in the evening before the gig to unload gear, set 'er up, and get a quick sound check. The sound check is where I can really tell if a band is a yay, or nay, IME. Everything's running like the space shuttle. These guys got their turds in a herd, for sure.
    So, we finish up, and as it turns out, the owner of the club isn't there so, the guys tell me to stash the band's big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;) somewhere onstage, until they can ask the owner where we'll be able to hang the beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;) before the gig. Which is cool enough. After all, that beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;) can be hung up in less than 3 minutes. Like I said, small potatoes, smoooooth sailing.
    That is until I unfolded that big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner. People, you have to trust in me as to what I'm telling you..... The name (of the band) that my poor soul gazed upon when I unfolded that beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;) was ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, THE GOOFIEST, CHEESIEST BAND NAME THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN, OR HEARD. It simply was that bad. No ifs, ands, buts, maybes, or sortas about it. It would be akin to finding someone's head in your 'fridge, when I read the name of the band on that big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;). Because suddenly it seemed as if I were in a Seinfeld episode, or something.
    Dammit, he always shows up. And, "he", always f**** something up, 90% of the time. You know, that grimy, heartless, sick in-the-head bastard that we all know in life, Mr. Murphy Law. I shiver upon the mention of his name. But somehow, he found out that I had a gig, and showed up as, you guessed it, a beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;). For all of you that's gigged on a steady basis, you know him well. He's the head hell raiser of Murphy's Law, LLC. I'm gonna get that bastard one day, and kick his ass, all for myself. Enough's, enough......

    So, I guess you're wonderin' what I did with that big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;), huh? Like the true gig warrior that I am, I adapted, and, I overcame. Ya see, I'm smarter than your average bear. Because, I have far too many tricks for this game you mere mortals call 'gigging'. You have got to get up pretty early to get one over on me, when it comes to gigging, pal. But, does tend to happen when you've gigged steadily for 30+/- years. And, for all you young grasshoppers & whippersnappers out there in the trenches, with your minimal experience, you'll eventually learn the ways of the "gig warrior", and get your black belt status, just as I did.
    Okay, I'll tell you what I did. I kept that big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;) hid, right up under the drum riser, and we played without it. That's exactly what I did. There, I said it. Criticize if you like. So, yeah, I hid that big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;), like a coward. But, my pride just wouldn't ever let me be caught dead, much less alive, standing under that God forsaken, big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;).

    Now, before everybody starts bitchin', just chill out. On occasion, those guys are the house band there, so they're pretty well known in these here parts. No harm, no foul, when it came to that big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;) debacle that Mr. Murphy thrust upon me.

    And, not one of those 500+ people asked where that big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;) was. Oh, yeah. The band asked about it. But, I danced around the question and finally 'found' it under the drum riser during tear down. Hmm. Imagine that.
    It's stuff like this that makes me wanna go back to playin', but never while standing under a big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner. ;)

    Last edited: Jan 2, 2015
  2. Yes:D
    cchorney likes this.
  3. You are a very bad person...for not telling us the band's name.
  4. Rune Bivrin

    Rune Bivrin Supporting Member

    Oct 2, 2006
    Huddinge, Sweden
    No pics, no big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner ;)
  5. GSMBass


    Oct 24, 2013
    We demand the band's name, damnit!
  6. Gravedigger Dav

    Gravedigger Dav Gold Supporting Member

    Mar 13, 2014
    Springtown, Texas
    Pretty silly thing to get all jammed up about. I don't care if the band name is "The Insipid Dorks", if the music is good, the crowd loves it, and the check clears I'm happy.
    Spaldo, Mugre and Haji like this.
  7. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    I could careless what a bands name is that I'm filling in for. If they get gigs, play well and are a good hang..who cares.
    BTW, your not a bad guy for not hanging the banner. I think for any bar band they look cheesy regardless what band name is on them.
    Zodion likes this.
  8. DiabolusInMusic

    DiabolusInMusic Functionless Art is Merely Tolerated Vandalism

    If the band is so well-known wouldn't everybody there already know you are playing with said band? I fail to see how this saves your artistic integrity.

    I do not think you are a bad person for hiding the banner. The band should have been smart enough to say "where's our banner?"
  9. I thought he said the band's name was Turds in a Herd or something like that.

    Catchy name. Too bad they didn't think of getting a big, beautifully hand-crafted, silken banner.
  10. Hi,

    To temporarily lose the band banner is not unforgivable but unless the band name is totally egregious and offensive I probably wouldn't make a big deal. It seems like you handled the situation with minimal aggravation and no loss of face. I am also curious about the name so feel free to let us know so we can look up the band's website. ;)

    Thank you for your indulgence,

    bass10bfb likes this.
  11. Goatrope


    Nov 18, 2011
    Sarasota Florida
    Goofy name aside, if it were my band that would be the last time I called you to sub.
    bigfatbass, Rocky, Mike N and 2 others like this.
  12. modulusman

    modulusman Inactive

    Jan 18, 2004
    Any band that isn't totally clueless would probably mention their name over the microphone at least a few times over the course of the evening. If the OP was that embarrassed he should have hung the banner up in a way so he could hide behind it all night.
  13. RoadRanger

    RoadRanger Supporting Member

    Feb 18, 2004
    NE CT
    Yup. OTOH getting to the gig without even knowing their name first is pretty hilarious.
  14. That's a hell of a lot of words to say "I didn't like the band's name so I hid the banner behind the drum riser."
  15. Hi,

    Was this the band? ;)


    Thank you for your indulgence,

  16. ^^^^^
    I guessing these cats really dig Mexican food.
  17. Ajapses

    Ajapses Supporting Member

    Sep 28, 2013
    Cleveland, TN
    Can't figure out Madden football
    That's a Grumpy Old Farts move if I ever saw one. If you're not in, somebody give him a number.
    tato62 likes this.
  18. kesslari

    kesslari Groovin' with the Fusion Cats Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 21, 2007
    Santa Cruz Mtns, California
    Lark in the Morning Instructional Videos; Audix Microphones
    The Goofy Nachos?
  19. Back in the 80's, a friend of mine had two bands, one right after the other, that I couldn't believe didn't break BIG. I think they were ahead of their time with the names. First was Sh*t Purple Twinkies. After SPT broke up, he founded Dead Cats on Fire. Oddly, neither one gained the commercial success they should have.
    BassCliff likes this.
  20. lfmn16

    lfmn16 Inactive

    Sep 21, 2011
    charles town, wv
    Sorry but that is a dick move. It wasn't your decision to make, no matter how humorous you try to make the story.

    Edit - unless you are 13 and this is your first gig. Then I'd probably give you a pass.
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2015
    smeet and cchorney like this.