Now that summer is here, body washes, aftershave, and colognes are more popular than ever. Many people assume their sweaty bodies will become ripe more easily in the hot, humid months, and that they can mask it with various artificial fragrances. Here are some important guidelines for summer scenting, that can help all of us cope with the redolent sensations of summer. Your body wash, aftershave, or cologne is nasty. You don’t think it’s nasty, because your senses have been deadened by the various chemicals assaulting your olfactory nerves, including: o Acetone, which acts primarily as a central nervous system depressant o Benzaldehyde, which is an irritant to mouth, throat, eyes, skin, lungs and intestinal tract, and may cause kidney damage o Benzyl Acetate, which is a carcinogen o Benzyl Alcohol, which may cause headache, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, drop in blood pressor, central nervous system depression, and death due to respiratory failure o Camphor, which is a local irritant and central nervous system stimulant which has vapors you should avoid inhaling o Ethanol, which is irritating to eyes and upper respiratory tract even in low concentrations o Ethyl Acetate, which is on the EPA hazardous waste list, and can cause damage to liver and kidneys o Limonene, which is carcinogenic o Linalool, which causes respiratory disturbances o Methylene Chloride, which was banned by the FDA in 1988, however no enforcement is possible due to trade secret laws protecting chemical fragrance industry, and is carcinogenic. Absorbed, stored in body fat, it metabolizes to carbon monoxide, reducing oxygen-carrying capacity of the blood. o a-Pinene, which is damaging to the immune system o g-Terpinene, which causes asthma and central nervous system disorders o a-Terpinol, which is highly irritating to mucous membranes Your body wash, aftershave, or cologne is nasty. You feel you have the right to wear it, but what you don’t realize is that those of us are fragrance-free are painfully aware of how much the scent clings to, and coats our tastebuds and mucous membranes, making food taste like your nasty scent. Trust me when I tell you that you have no taste at all, and while you think it doesn’t smell nasty, it definitely does, and you’re wearing far too much. Your body wash, aftershave, or cologne is nasty. Your significant other tells you it smells sexy, or makes you sexy, or in some way connects you to sex appeal. Your significant other is wrong. While it may do that for them, it does the opposite for pretty much everyone else on the planet, and makes all their friends wonder why they are with you. So, in conclusion, your body wash, aftershave, or cologne is nasty, and you put way too much of it on. You are making others sick; maybe even moreso than smokers used to, before we had them effectively neutered. Don’t worry though, we’ll get you, my pretty, and then you’ll pay. If you want to be a good dog, at least put a lot less of this nasty, horrible, toxic stuff on. But if you want to start really living, learn to be scent-free. Your body is fine. Kill bacteria on it, and it won’t smell bad, ever. Wash a bit more, drench in chemicals a bit less. You’ll be glad you did. And remember: Your body wash, aftershave, or cologne is NASTY. It doesn’t even smell remotely good, and every single one of you who think it does have been brainwashed.