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Official Non-religious worshippers of Nobody.

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Nev375, Dec 2, 2015.


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  1. Nev375

    Nev375

    Nov 2, 2010
    Missouri
    Lo my brethren. Sit and I will speak a tale of a legendary savior. But first a warning:

    Let us not be said to be members of a religon, for the powers that be have deemed religion unworthy to be spoken of. This is true. This is unquestioned. Therefore we are not devout, yet we do worship. For worshipping of idols is NOT a sin! I say unto you; Is Jaco not worshipped among us? Is Jamerson not worshipped? Entwistle? These are gods of bass. But I speak to you now of another sort of god. The god of talkbass himself!

    Lo, he is not the creator of Talkbass, but his divinity is evident and I shall provide proof of his miracles!

    He came to us in the form of a black cat. A creature once deemed evil by the religious who feared it. They claimed it was the sign of witchcraft, of evil, of unspeakable magic. Yet, this was no ordinary black cat, for he wore a tie! The universal dress code of business and he did proclaim that business, was indeed serious!

    For the 11 years, 4 months and 17 days he was among us most of his time was spent quietly lurking, observing us in our wicked serious internet business ways.

    Then only in his final days the savior speak unto us. He told us tales of tort, of playing basses in the bathroom and he asked questions too profound for many to grasp. In short, he brought us an abundance of humour. And what a profound bounty it was! In all, he spoke 1947 times. My friends, that number is NO coincidence:

    * - For it was in the year 1947 that the prophets Tom and Jerry foretold of his coming by releasing the cartoon "Cat Fishin'" The fish in question was clearly a Bass. It was a cryptic reference to Nobody in particular, and we see it all too clear in retrospect.

    * - UFO's are sighted near Mt. Rainier WA and the Roswell incident happened. Obviously we know now that he arrived in that year and the governing powers acted quickly to try and cover it up. He had to lay low and wait quietly for the internet to be created.

    * - Also The song "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" mentions Sgt. Pepper teaching the band to play "20 years ago today". This would place the event somewhere between February 1 and June 1 of 1947. Certainly his message for all of us bassists was to "play" and have fun in our discussions and abandon our serious ways. Sgt. Pepper was of course a fictional character. He was Nobody! Thus spoke the 4 prophets John, Paul, George and Ringo!

    It is this trinity of events that coincide with the number of his posts that form the prophesy code which proves his divine identity.

    However, the savior was banished for his message! For thirty days we suffered in the deafening silence of Nobody. Many of his Disciples took up his avatar image to keep his spirit alive in this time of great tribulation.

    And when the great 2nd coming of Nobody arrived, he spoke louder and funnier and with even more spirit than before! And what of it you ask? What was the fate of the most popular TB member with far more likes than his own post count? Well... sadly he was permanently banished. And thus, the story ends...

    Or does it?...

    Ladies and gentlemen, it is up to us to ensure the legacy of the immortal soul of the GOD OF TALKBASS lives on! For the spirit of Nobody is within us all! All you have to do to be counted among his flock of worshippers is to reply to this thread with the simple words "I am Nobody and Nobody is the god of Talkbass!"

    Every member of this Non-religious Worshippers of Nobody orginization is designated with number zero and may proudly declare their faith in their signature! For we are no mere club, we are no religion, we are Nobody and Nobody longer exists, therfore we are all zero. (also, i'm too lazy to assign and manage numbers... Nobody would have wanted it this way, trust me.)

    Go forth children! Be funny! Be whimsical! Never stop asking the hard questions about which stuff is best for metal! Play your P basses in the toilet while you pee! Enjoy your tort loaf! Wear your flats with pride! And above all, remember Nobody!
     
  2. Nev375

    Nev375

    Nov 2, 2010
    Missouri
    I am Nobody and Nobody is the god of Talkbass!
     
  3. I am Nobody and Nobody is the God of Talkbass!
     
    Nev375 likes this.
  4. Ajapses

    Ajapses Supporting Member

    Sep 28, 2013
    Cleveland, TN
    Can't figure out Madden football
    I am Nobody and Nobody is....what????
     
  5. Nobody is coming to save me!!..
     
  6. The Fraternal order extended an olive branch. Nobody excuses your transgressions.
     
    Nev375 likes this.
  7. Ajapses

    Ajapses Supporting Member

    Sep 28, 2013
    Cleveland, TN
    Can't figure out Madden football
    Nobody is channeling to me via Ouija Board. He says, "C..A..T..S....S..U..C....K".

    ...wut??!?!...hold on a minute!!"
     
    MattZilla likes this.
  8. You are befallen by false prophets.
     
  9. Nobody saw this coming.
     
  10. StyleOverShow

    StyleOverShow Still Playing After All These Years Gold Supporting Member

    May 3, 2008
    Eugene
    They fried him? Well, he did post a lot, and some of them were funny.

    Rules is rules boys and gurls and a board like this isn't exactly the open range.

    can't he come back as some other user name, different email...
     
  11. Count me in, but only if I can get #-1 ;)

    I am Nobody and Nobody is the god of Talkbass!

    P.S. I am emailing your post to myself for when the inevitable happens, that post is worthy of the TB hall of fame.
     
    Nev375 likes this.
  12. GretschWretch

    GretschWretch Supporting Member

    Dec 27, 2013
    East Central Alabama
    You sure it wasn't

    C..A..T..S..U..P?

    Tort you might have misread the OB.
     
    Nev375 and PortlandBass77 like this.
  13. BahamasSteve

    BahamasSteve Guest

    Jul 12, 2015
    Nobody transcended from TB!

     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2015
  14. I am Nobody and Nobody is the god of Talkbass.

    Now what am I supposed to do at work? Nobody's post were the only thing that broke up the tedium that is Talkbass. The only thing this place offers me now is giving me GAS, helpful.
     
  15. Garret Graves

    Garret Graves website- ggbassplayer.com Gold Supporting Member

    May 20, 2010
    Arcadia, Ca
    Tort Loaf of life. His tortness will be missed. The prophesy was true. Hail Nobody! Nobody in particular.
     
    Nev375 and PortlandBass77 like this.
  16. Garret Graves

    Garret Graves website- ggbassplayer.com Gold Supporting Member

    May 20, 2010
    Arcadia, Ca
    Justice Graves!? Any relation to me?
     
    Nev375 likes this.
  17. Well we are all brothers/sisters in the Non-religious worshippers of Nobody group, so I'm guessing were family now.
     
    Nev375 and Garret Graves like this.
  18. Mantis Tobaggan

    Mantis Tobaggan Supporting Member

    Sep 9, 2015
    Tampa, FL
    I thought he was funny. Just curious what he did to get banned ...
     
    Steve-Mo, Joebone, leonard and 4 others like this.
  19. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

    Here are some related products that TB members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to TB’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to TB discussions about these products.

     
    Feb 26, 2021

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