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Oh boy.

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by bassinplace, Mar 1, 2014.

  1. bassinplace


    Dec 1, 2008
    I recently played a couple shows with a singer songwriter I met on cl. I met her about a year ago and tried out for her band. I didn't go for it because they didn't sound anywhere near as good as their cd and the guitar player was surgically attached to his weed pipe.

    We stayed in touch on Facebook and about 6 mos. later she hit me up and said she had a new band and would I be interested in trying out for the bass position. She is a very good singer & songwriter so I tried it again and the last band she had wasn't that great, but this new band was terrible. Out of tune and out of time, so I declined. About 6 mos after that, she hit me up again and asked if I would like to play a couple shows, just me & her. I wasn't doing anything so I said I'd come in, we rehearsed it and it sounded pretty good and we played a show that went fine.

    I told a guitarist friend what I was up to, and he asked me if he could join. I said sure, no problem. The three of us rehearsed together and got a good sound within a week. The two of them it turned out had the exact same sense of humor. 12 year old potty humor. They found it endlessly hysterical and would just feed off of each other changing the lyrics of songs to just the word shart repeated over and over, not being able to start songs or making jokes mid song and losing their places. It feels like being trapped in Howard sterns studio for me. I find it neither funny nor offensive, but I do find it to be juvenile and a waste of time. It was obvious to me this was not going to be a project I wanted to do long term.

    So we played a show and it went fine. I figured, great, that was fun while it lasted, I only agreed to play those two shows at the outset, they don't seem to be too serious about it, so I figured that just about wrapped it up. I was surprised when immediately after the show they were both saying it was really good and we should make it an ongoing commitment, one rehearsal a week. I figured well, maybe I read the situation wrong, they are serious about it. The music is good and there is musically potential for us to become a tight working unit so maybe I should give it more of a chance. I went to the next rehearsal and it was even worse. Once these two get into a room together they can't stop themselves. The worst part is they're not even funny. I mean I like Kevin smith but this is nowhere near that. This is just the word shart or dingleberry or what have you repeated over and over to uncontrollable laughter. 12 year old playground stuff, but I would say its not even that good.

    So I figured, that's cool I'm out. I'll call them both tonight and tell them. Well I called the girl first and that's as far as I got. She just broke down crying and didn't understand why even though I gave her my reasons. She just seemed devastated. We've only played two shows together, there hasn't been much time invested, I figured there was a possibility she might be a bit disappointed, but I didn't think it was that big of a deal. So after hearing her break down I'm left feeling like a total dick. She tried her best to convince me to stay, saying she was very serious and that I should give her a chance to fix it instead of just making a decision. So we ended up talking for a long time and we ended up agreeing I would give it a month, play the next show and then see where we're at. I only agreed because I felt so bad that she was so hurt by it. I really have no desire to stay. Shes bringing a drummer in to audition next week. I guess I'll see how it goes. Sheesh! I just needed to vent. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my novella. Feel free to comment and have a nice day. :)
  2. nukes_da_bass

    nukes_da_bass Banned

    Feb 19, 2006
    west suburban boston
    The girl.and the guitarist seem.to be in their own magic world- they might even become an item.
    The two of them hit it off.so well you felt like the odd man out. There's nothing worse than third wheel status, except hating juvinile.antics you can't relate to.
    A band has to gel at more levels than just music. When people are making you that uncomfortable with their behavior it's time to leave- unless you could build allies into the band who will back up your distaste for their behavior.
    What did you expect from a woman? They are more emotional than logical based on Estrogen.
    Tell your gui**** pal to either consummate or grow up lol! He's a man he's gonna react differently.
  3. MakoMan


    Oct 17, 2011
    Geez man, just tell your guitar friend to bang her and get it over with...
    Seriously though, I believe the first poster is correct. Talk to your guitar buddy, tell him why they are both driving you nuts and see if they can tone it down. Explain that you know they're having fun but you take your music a bit more seriously.
    If that doesn't work see if you can find them another bassist.
  4. nukes_da_bass

    nukes_da_bass Banned

    Feb 19, 2006
    west suburban boston
    Ya- the phrase "get a room" might be appropriate while they are busting up at your expense.
  5. SirMjac28

    SirMjac28 Patiently Waiting For The Next British Invasion

    Aug 25, 2010
    The Great Midwest
    Is she at least hot?
  6. Nashrakh


    Aug 16, 2008
    Hamburg, Germany
  7. LowG

    LowG Supporting Member

    Dec 8, 2006
    Milwaukee, WI
    You have a Frank Zappa quote in your sig... I love his stuff too, but I certainly see some similarities between him and them: inappropriatly placed humor in what could be an otherwise great serious piece... Take a hint from Frank, make the music great and let them schitk it up over the top if it
  8. obimark


    Sep 1, 2011
    Sorry but I need some background visuals here- is the lady fine? or a "Large Marge"? (If she is fine, you should have made your move before you bought in the other dude/douchebag)
    What kind of music are you playing with two guitars bass, vocals and no drums anyhow?
  9. Kmonk


    Oct 18, 2012
    South Shore, Massachusetts
    Endorsing Artist: Fender, Spector, Ampeg, Curt Mangan Strings, Nordstrand Pickups, Korg Keyboards
    I would have moved on after the first or second rehearsal.
  10. ChrisB2

    ChrisB2 Bass... in your fass

    Feb 27, 2008
    TalkBass > Off Topic
    Well, you have a heart I see. Well written story, I enjoyed reading it. Good luck with it. The only thing I might venture to say is, try to not let it bother you too much. You've already agreed to stay a while, may as well make the most of it.

    I'm in a somewhat similar situation. The band I'm in (all male) has a quite strong streak of what I call high school locker room banter. When I joined I was a little taken aback having not been around such behavior for a long time. After a while I actually found it to be kinda fun, even endearing and bonding. It still strikes me as juvenile but not nearly as repulsive.... maybe you all will adjust to one another in a workable fashion.
  11. If she wants to be emotional about it, that's her decision.
  12. +1. Yeah, is she hot?

    I'm guessing your guitar friend wants to %!^# her, or already is?

    FWIW: If she sings good, and the gigs went well with little rehearsal time invested - I'd probably just lighten up and go with it and see where it leads ($).
  13. edpal

    edpal Banned

    Oct 3, 2007
    I get you on the constant humor ruining practices - I have the sickest, potty-humor mind; however, at rehearsals I am all work, little play "I am a bassplayer/dogface sir! What is the next song sir?! Honed by years playing upright in orchestra.:bag: Had singer a few back that would start those childish moments with, "he said...tee hee, he said". Somehow he could reduce the drummer to tears. 25% of every practice wasted.

    My gut says you're wasting your time with them brother.:meh:
  14. RustyAxe


    Jul 8, 2008
    Once I've decided to leave a project, I leave. And no way would I want to be in a project with goo-goo eyed juveniles (of any age!). Your mistake was agreeing to stay on when you knew full well you didn't want to.
  15. GlennW


    Sep 6, 2006
    And after the next time you play together it'll be, "Same ol' ****, just another day."

    he he he he he he

    Dude, you caved.
  16. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Sounds like she manipulated you with some good old fashioned emotional blackmail.

    Well, if she wants to keep you, you know what she needs to do. Rehearsals should just plain old be productive, and if anyone is going to waste your time, you are going to be done.
  17. obimark


    Sep 1, 2011
    Why even practice?? just show up for the gigs if the gigs go ok without it, since it is obviously a waste of time anyhow.
    This is the conundrum for a lot of bass players. Once you get good, you really don't need to run through songs, 5-6 times in pointless rehearsals, so the singers, gui****s and drummers can practice the stuff they didn't bother to all week.

    You can just show up and play. (Unless you are playing super technical music)
  18. cableguy


    Jun 4, 2009
    North Bend, WA
    I guess I find this kind of humor pretty funny. The two (potty humor & productive practices) can co-exist........You just have to learn to channel your inner Beavis.........Life's short, have fun and play some good music. If they can't be productive, or if it offends you, move on.....
  19. bassinplace


    Dec 1, 2008
    No, she's not hot and she is married with a family. He is a player and has a roster of fairly decent women lined up and does online hook ups and such, so I'm sure he's not interested in her sexually. Their sense of humor is just uncannily alike. Yeah, I do feel like I caved a little bit, but I felt so bad hearing her cry I couldn't help it. She's bringing in a drummer on Tuesday so who knows, maybe musical magic will happen. I did clearly tell her though that she has a month to get it worked out, which I'm hoping wont be dreadful for me. If at that time I still feel the same way, I'm walking. She can cry all she wants at that point, I'm not dealing with it.
  20. Oh okay. Well, I hope it works out, and please update us later so we know how it turned out.

    Good luck and Cheers.