Old Flame's Out-of-the-Blue Facebook "friend" request.

I was with you right up until this part of your post.

This is not it. In fact, its quite the opposite. From the way you go on about the old flame, it sounds more like this could be the catalyst that destroys whatever remains of your marriage. Youre already looking ahead at the possibilities rather than tending to what needs your attention.

 

I doubt that.

Not to piss on your parade, but a "hey, how have you been" is hardly anything. Seems like you're thinking with your johnson

 

word for word

 

As said most eloquently by one of my favorite robots, "DANGER, Will Robinson!"

 

I almost wanna link Makis *out of school and bored?* thread

 

Old flames that are single attempting to "friend" you out of the blue want more than friendship...IMHO/IME

I was separated for 5 years and the MAJORITY of my contact/dating came through Facebook and "old flames" that I hadn't seen in 15-30 years...

Stay strong...

 

http://www.talkbass.com/forum/f34/crazy-ex-girlfriend-998906/

That's all I'm saying.

 

Either work to make it (your marriage) better or end it. Don't be a pussy and just neglect it and hope it takes care of itself. This is your life. Own it.

 

If your marriage is really over, end it BEFORE you move on to a new relationship. Making that decision about your marriage shouldn't be contingent on having a greener patch of grass to land on. Keep in mind that green grass often means lots of fertilizer...and we all know what's in fertilizer.

 

I got one of those once. It had been at least ten years since we dated (18 when we split). She thanked me for introducing her to... uh... let's say "taking deliveries in the rear". Said her husband wanted to thank me too...

Wasn't sure how to respond to that, so I just never responded.

 

Chinese fingercuffs.

 

I had FB for about 3 weeks til I realized I spent too much time on it...while I did I got a "friend" request from an ex from 9th grade. We still have somewhat overlapping circles so I'm sure she got some kind of "these are people you might know" notice...anyway soon as I saw it my heart started pounding fast and I got that "unfinished business" feeling. Rejected the request but man that was a tough time for me.

Anywho iualum if your marriage is over be a man and make it over for real. You can be the bigger person regardless of what real or perceived injustices you may have suffered

 

I've had my own marriage challenges, and have been close to ending it on more than one occasion. Having a potentially soft place to land can really put a twist on your focus and ability to be realistic (I've been there, too). If your marriage is truly over, than get it over with and be done with it. After that is completed, THEN figure out how to move forward with other parts of your life. If things happen to work out with your old flame, you'll both be in a better position to have a relationship. Leaving a marriage to be with someone else is a ridiculous amount of pressure for a new relationship, and (to me) would be point of distrust. If someone could leave a marriage to jump on a passing ship, how can you ever be sure that they won't do it again the next time the water gets a little rough.

 

I understand where youre coming from, and I didnt mean any offence.
Ive been where you say you are now. Youre doing yourself a disservice waiting for something better to come along. Without getting into detail about the problems with your marriage, from your initial post you paint a picture of someone who is already over the whole thing (speaking from experience).
From that perspective you'd be better off just ending the "rocky & getting rockier" relationship now before more damage is done. You say that youre ready to make a move if the right situation presents itself... isnt not being in a rockey relationship the right situation? That'd give you time to get yourself grounded before starting anything up with an old flame.

You dont seem very much into the idea of making things work with your spouse, as you seem to be looking towards this situation with your old flame as a means for getting out. Im just saying, why wait for that?

 

Throw some chicken gravy and get on with the rest of your day like the rest of us.

 

If it's been 25 years since you've spoken to her, I'm guessing there's a lot you don't know. 25 years of living life can have a pretty big impact on a person.

We're just offering opinions based on what we've experienced ourselves. It's your life to live as you see fit for you.