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Old Flame's Out-of-the-Blue Facebook "friend" request.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by iualum, Jul 15, 2013.

  1. iualum


    Apr 9, 2004
    Old flame, now single (according to her Facebook profile), sent me a "friend" request on Facebook. We now live about 350 miles apart. Mentioned how a girl never forgets her 1st "luv." It was out of the blue. Hadn't heard from her in 25 years (although I have to admit that I've definitely thought about her on more than one occasion over the years).

    She looked good, & I mean good, when we were together so many years ago. And though 25 years (!) have passed, she still looks good, & I do mean good...as in lovely. A real head-turner she is. Still. No kidding. At 50, yet!

    What a tremendous ego boost. Good day. Very, very good day.

    From her FB pics (house, clothes, vacation spots, etc...), I can see that she's become accustomed to pretty nice things. That's no problem. I'm happy for her. Really. In addition to her fine looks, she was always a sweetheart, too. She hasn't posted to FB hardly at all for the last 6 months, but in a couple of the more recent pics she was pretty cosy with the owner of the company for which she is now employed. Again, no worries, no different than the way things have always been since, well, forever, I suppose.

    My reply to her was polite & platonic, saying that it was great to hear from her (which of course it was) & that I hope she's doing very well (&, again, I could see that she has been). I'm thinking that maybe the company owner may still be married (but then why would he allow the 6 month ago pics?) or that he has more than a few suitors (I mean, let's face it, he owns a profitable business) & she's just one of them & doesn't care for that. I've lived on both coasts & internationally & have done O.K. financially. She can see where I've lived (it's in my FB profile) & so maybe she's just exploring possibilities, dotting i's & crossing t's as it were.

    Anyway, just wanted to post this. Apologies for being lengthy. I'm married, but it's been rocky for a number of years now & not getting any less rocky. I've been ready to make a move if the right situation presented itself. Maybe this is it.
  2. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal
    I was with you right up until this part of your post.

    This is not it. In fact, its quite the opposite. From the way you go on about the old flame, it sounds more like this could be the catalyst that destroys whatever remains of your marriage. Youre already looking ahead at the possibilities rather than tending to what needs your attention.
  3. Ziltoid

    Ziltoid I don't play bass

    Apr 10, 2009
    I doubt that.

    Not to piss on your parade, but a "hey, how have you been" is hardly anything. Seems like you're thinking with your johnson :p

  4. word for word
  5. vernhillbass


    May 11, 2012
    As said most eloquently by one of my favorite robots, "DANGER, Will Robinson!"
  6. I almost wanna link Makis *out of school and bored?* thread
  7. CTC564

    CTC564 Gold Supporting Member

    Mar 7, 2011
    Toms River,NJ
    Old flames that are single attempting to "friend" you out of the blue want more than friendship...IMHO/IME

    I was separated for 5 years and the MAJORITY of my contact/dating came through Facebook and "old flames" that I hadn't seen in 15-30 years...

    Stay strong...
  8. slobake

    slobake resident ... something Supporting Member

  9. DigitalMan

    DigitalMan Owner of seven basses - eligible for 44 TB Clubs Supporting Member

    Nov 30, 2011
    Either work to make it (your marriage) better or end it. Don't be a pussy and just neglect it and hope it takes care of itself. This is your life. Own it.
  10. EricF

    EricF Habitual User

    Sep 26, 2005
    Pasadena, CA
    If your marriage is really over, end it BEFORE you move on to a new relationship. Making that decision about your marriage shouldn't be contingent on having a greener patch of grass to land on. Keep in mind that green grass often means lots of fertilizer...and we all know what's in fertilizer.
  11. lowfreq33


    Jan 27, 2010
    Endorsing Artist: Genz Benz Amplification
    I got one of those once. It had been at least ten years since we dated (18 when we split). She thanked me for introducing her to... uh... let's say "taking deliveries in the rear". Said her husband wanted to thank me too...

    Wasn't sure how to respond to that, so I just never responded.
  12. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal
    Chinese fingercuffs.
  13. iualum


    Apr 9, 2004
    You may all be 100% completely right, but she was married until about a year ago, again from her pics/posts. And it isn't like I just joined FB. I haven't been in hiding/seclusion. Anyone who cared/cares to look can locate me easily.

    To Matticus (& whomever), as far as my marriage...it's a fairly long &, for many, a very out-of-their-experience kinda thing. Suffice it to say (& people can believe it/accept it or not, no worries, I mean, this is the internet, right?) that the difficulties are overwhelmingly on my spouse's (yes, that's the word I choose to employ) part.

    Still, again, yes, maybe it's nothing more than just a "hi." Perhaps. But it's the "a girl never forgets her 1st luv" thing that invites possibilities, though.
  14. iualum


    Apr 9, 2004
    Quite a salutation.
  15. I had FB for about 3 weeks til I realized I spent too much time on it...while I did I got a "friend" request from an ex from 9th grade. We still have somewhat overlapping circles so I'm sure she got some kind of "these are people you might know" notice...anyway soon as I saw it my heart started pounding fast and I got that "unfinished business" feeling. Rejected the request but man that was a tough time for me.

    Anywho iualum if your marriage is over be a man and make it over for real. You can be the bigger person regardless of what real or perceived injustices you may have suffered
  16. EricF

    EricF Habitual User

    Sep 26, 2005
    Pasadena, CA
    I've had my own marriage challenges, and have been close to ending it on more than one occasion. Having a potentially soft place to land can really put a twist on your focus and ability to be realistic (I've been there, too). If your marriage is truly over, than get it over with and be done with it. After that is completed, THEN figure out how to move forward with other parts of your life. If things happen to work out with your old flame, you'll both be in a better position to have a relationship. Leaving a marriage to be with someone else is a ridiculous amount of pressure for a new relationship, and (to me) would be point of distrust. If someone could leave a marriage to jump on a passing ship, how can you ever be sure that they won't do it again the next time the water gets a little rough.
  17. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal
    I understand where youre coming from, and I didnt mean any offence.
    Ive been where you say you are now. Youre doing yourself a disservice waiting for something better to come along. Without getting into detail about the problems with your marriage, from your initial post you paint a picture of someone who is already over the whole thing (speaking from experience).
    From that perspective you'd be better off just ending the "rocky & getting rockier" relationship now before more damage is done. You say that youre ready to make a move if the right situation presents itself... isnt not being in a rockey relationship the right situation? That'd give you time to get yourself grounded before starting anything up with an old flame.

    You dont seem very much into the idea of making things work with your spouse, as you seem to be looking towards this situation with your old flame as a means for getting out. Im just saying, why wait for that?
  18. iualum


    Apr 9, 2004
  19. Throw some chicken gravy and get on with the rest of your day like the rest of us.
  20. EricF

    EricF Habitual User

    Sep 26, 2005
    Pasadena, CA
    If it's been 25 years since you've spoken to her, I'm guessing there's a lot you don't know. 25 years of living life can have a pretty big impact on a person.

    We're just offering opinions based on what we've experienced ourselves. It's your life to live as you see fit for you.