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Online classifieds, they are that bad

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Tired_Thumb, Apr 28, 2006.

  1. Tired_Thumb

    Tired_Thumb Guest

    Well, I decided on the whim to post an online classified on a Chicago oriented website. I basically capped that I would be available to play over the summer in between semesters, but if they were looking for a "pro ready to tear a hole through the universe", keep looking, which should imply that I'm not able to commit to anything large, hopefully. The first response I get, "What do you mean by summer bassist? We're looking for a pro bassist ready to tour this summer, and you sound like the perfect fit!" I kindly turned the guy down, but why do people read one thing and interpret the exact opposite? :rollno:

    Sorry, just a rant, but I'll see what I come across.

    [add:] They also stated that they were looking for a permanent replacement, and yes, questioned if I was strictly meaning this summer. Mmmmm, alrighty then.
  2. fr0me0


    Dec 7, 2004
    Winnipeg Canada
    people in general are pretty stupid and people on the interent are even stupider. My uncle and I try to sell car parts in the classifieds all the time and we get people calling just toi talk about the part but not actually wanting to buy it, or calling about parts we don't have listed :rolleyes:
  3. hellsgate


    Dec 27, 2005
    Seriously, it doesn't matter what you put in the ad, you'll still get people asking you to do something you've said you won't do. Can't really blame them too much as they're trying to get something off the ground, in this case they REALLY want to do the summer tour and sound as if they're having problems finding a bassist.
  4. Could be drug induced brain damage...

  5. I'm totally with you. I posted on another thread about trying to get in a band. I posted on craigslist that I wanted to join/form a garage band influenced by 60s bubblegum, the Nuggets album, Little Steven's Underground Garage, etc.

    I got replies from no less than five GOTH bands. I don't even remotely see the connection. I also got replies from a couple of jam bands, a country band, and a Top 40 "variety" group.

    Either there is an acute shortage of bass players in Atlanta, or a high percentage of mentally challenged people perusing the net. I'm thankful for the offer to jam, but when the ad says "we're a death metal/grindcore outfit looking for a bass player with pro gear and the right look", I know that I'm not the guy for the job.

    I thought about going to one of the goth try outs and suggesting we play "Yummy, Yummy" by the Ohio Express to see if there's any chemistry. Actually, that song done in a Bauhaus style might actually rock. Hmmmmmm.........
  6. I think what it boils down to, is that most areas have a shortage of bass guitarists. So bands get desparate, and try to recruit anyone they can, hoping they can convince someone to join who may have posted an ad looking for something completely different.
  7. tplyons


    Apr 6, 2003
    Madison, NJ
    Then how is it I can't find ANYTHING that interests me at all?
  8. Murf


    Mar 28, 2001
    This is a real ad

    Bass Player Wanted.
    for 1 pce band, no equip needed.


    AHA!!!...I smell BACKING TRACKS!!!!

    Seriously though this is a fairly recent phenomenon in Ireland where basically bands have everything on tracks except vocals but they need to have more "bodies" in the "band" so they can charge extra for the gig :rolleyes:

    (yes the average punter in pubs in Ireland cant tell the difference between a live band and backing tracks..sad but true)
  9. Tired_Thumb

    Tired_Thumb Guest

    So, to recap, this is what I stated:

    Hey, I'm a 22 year old bassist available over the summer, once college lets out. I wouldn't consider myself Les Claypool or Jaco Pastorius quite yet, but I tend to play a more progressive style beyond the one note thump-thump-thump expected out of bassists. If you're looking for a "pro ready to tear a hole through the universe yesterday", You should probably look elsewhere, but if you want a dependable, drug free non-smoker who wants to have fun making great music, definately contact me. My primary background is in metal, progressive rock, and jazz/funk/fusion, but I'm willing to play pretty much anything as long as I'm not selling my soul for things I don't believe in or attaching a gimmick to myself. Go ahead and email me if you feel like it, and we'll see what we can work out.

    Here's what I got:

    Are you strictly a summer bassist? We\'re looking for a permanent
    replacement for our bass player and you sound like you fit the bill.

    [band website URL]

    [band myspace link]

    That\'s where you can here us or check us out. If it sounds like you,
    then contact us. We\'re ready to go on a small tour this summer. Gigs
    are lined up.

    That is left completely unedited, including the slashes, and I checked the band out and they're a bunch of 20 something mommy's boys playing rock-a-grunge on their full stacks, and the bass parts recorded are... THUMP THUMP THUMP. Meh, whatever, that's why my main project is in fact a one man band.
  10. bonzo4880


    Sep 16, 2007
    Baltimore, MD

    you want to blow up on the guitar?

    Reply to: comm-460823504@craigslist.org
    Date: 2007-10-26, 8:57PM EDT

    $150.00 one hour.

    These arn't your normal guitar lessons... I teach the language of music. Don't come to me to learn songs. I am prepared to teach the physics of music when you are ready.

    I don't hold back or waste your time. I teach theory. I teach you the **** that the decent guitar players around you hold back.

    I have references you can talk to.

    I have a professional career. I make $175 an hour with my regular job so serious enquiries only. We will talk on the phone for a few minutes. I will get a feel for where you are at with the guitar, and decide whether or not I can take you on. After talking with me you realize I'm worth $250 an hour.

    I am the chosen one.
  11. bonzo4880


    Sep 16, 2007
    Baltimore, MD

    The Chosen one is in Baltimore
    Reply to: comm-460711747@craigslist.org
    Date: 2007-10-26, 6:45PM EDT

    Did you guys here? The Chosen One is in Balitmore. The Baddest guitar player in the world. He plays everystyle. He's fast as ****... he's also got the slow hand!!! blackbelt in theory virtuosic technique... sick vibrato, sone for days... This dude is sick...

    I heard him this weekend. I thought my group of friends were bad ass... seriously... everyone who hears about him... gets cocky and says whatever.... I swear to god everyone has been humbled.... if you want to be humbled... hit me up.. I'm trying to get this dude to set up a gig somewhere...Jazz, Death Metal , Classical, Rock, Blues, spanish flamenco... you name it... he has his own guitar method that he teaches that rocks... he's not cheap I heard... but dude I got a free lesson over some beers the other night... most of his lessons are without the gutiar in hand... he explains how music works... string vibrations.. intervals... chord theory, scales... dissonance.. consanance...he explains why things sound like they dude...

    He's from Alabama... He is the chosen one!!!

    bow down to him
  12. casualmadness


    Dec 15, 2005
    This is why I hate the east coast...
  13. bonzo4880


    Sep 16, 2007
    Baltimore, MD
    has nothing to do with the east coast. morons with delusions of grandeur come from all over the place. BESIDES, the Chosen One is from Alabama. He's only here so that he can share his "blackbelt in theory virtuosic technique" or something along those lines ..... And since when did 'chosen' guitar players come from alabama? have there ever been any bands to 'make it' from alabama? maybe he was 'chosen' by God to come to the heathen liberal North to spread the guitar gospel. heck if i know ....

    I just thought it was funny that the person put up an 'ad' before talking about how great the guy was ... he must be desperate for promotion. Maybe he needs to stop playing guitar so much and take a few business courses ...
  14. this thread delivers :D
  15. El-Bob

    El-Bob Supporting Member

    Oct 22, 2006
    Hamilton, ON
  16. The question is, if this so called "Chosen One" is so great, why would anyone still want to work with him with an attitude like that?
  17. i love the band adverts. that are in all capitals.
  18. stingray56funk

    stingray56funk Supporting Member

    Feb 16, 2005
    Let's see...bands from Alabama that "made it"...

    1. Alabama
    2. that's all I've got!
  19. I am going to be writing mine soon....

    don't know what to say yet but I know that I'm bound to start getting some weird emails soon
  20. Because there aren't any morons on the west coast at all...

    Those Californians--always outsmarting us. :D:D


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