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Only woman. dealing with the guys

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by tld2cool, Dec 18, 2012.

  1. tld2cool


    Jan 17, 2007
    Seems my probs arnt much different then most ppl in a band. Altho... I'm about to have a serious conversation 2moro with the drummer cuz of his relationship drama. Last wk at our gig his new chic was kissing the ass of his gf. Playing like shes trying to b friends with her. Whatever, I rly dont care. But their stupid drama spilled over to me. I'm not exactly sure why & (again) dont care. Until the new chic wants to kick my ass. And thats where the lined got crossed. I'm the only woman in the band & I've already mentioned I don't wanna deal with any jealous crazy bitchs. But it seems i need to elaborate this more to him. I've talked to a couple of the other guys & they agree that it was out of line. Basically its been said that these chics r all interchangeable but I'm permanent. Which makes me feel valued as a band member. I love the music & all my mates, but I dont think I should have to deal with whatever chic prob they have.
    Any advice to have this convo go smoothly is appreciated. :)
  2. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    Sorry you had to deal with that. From a professional standpoint, your conversation SHOULD be no different from any other (if the drummer can handle it). I have had to have the conversation with fellow musicians before myself. I pretty much had to find a nice way to say "Keep your drama at home or keep your boyfriend/girlfriend on a leash." That should be the same with any band, or any professional organization for that matter.

    Good luck.
  3. hdracer


    Feb 15, 2009
    Elk River, MN.
  4. SirMjac28

    SirMjac28 Patiently Waiting For The Next British Invasion

    Aug 25, 2010
    The Great Midwest
    I'm kinda slow the drummer has two women and the new woman wanted to harm you? why did she come after you?
  5. Bert Slide

    Bert Slide

    May 16, 2012
    Louisville KY

    I have been able to decipher some of this and I have no idea what it means but I'm smelling catfight here! :bassist::hyper::bassist:
  6. tld2cool


    Jan 17, 2007
    Yea he had his new chic come c us as a friend. This was the second time she came out to our weekly gig. he just just broke up with the gf. But its the new one causing me probs. All I know is shes got some prob with me. Don't rly care for whatever her drunk reasons arefor it. Just need it to stop
  7. tld2cool


    Jan 17, 2007
    I dumped the last bf I had cuz of petty jealousy. If I don't deal with that crap in my personal life then I'm certainly not going to deal with it any other time. js
  8. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Excuse me. We're not texting here.
  9. sleeplessknight

    sleeplessknight Supporting Member

    Mar 8, 2002
    A thousand times this. Proper grammar and spelling go a long ways when you're asking other people for help/assistance/advice.
  10. Piggy8692


    Oct 2, 2010
    Northern Utah
    Maybe she's sending from a phone? brb ttyl lol
  11. Winfred


    Oct 21, 2011
    This sounds like petty, high school stuff.

    If you're in band, and you're getting paid, it's a JOB. You are a professional.

    Say nothing to these "girlfriends". Discuss this with your band, tell them you will have no part in this. And then let it be.

    If the "girlfriends" want to be friends with you - great.

    If they don't - great.

    You're not on Jerry Springer, you're a bassist getting paid to work.
  12. elgecko


    Apr 30, 2007
    Anasleim, CA
    I think it's just an intermittent vowel key malfunction. :p
  13. SirMjac28

    SirMjac28 Patiently Waiting For The Next British Invasion

    Aug 25, 2010
    The Great Midwest
    You must be prettier than the new girlfriend and she has an issue with her boyfriend being so close to you. I think the old girfriend might have told her that either you guys used to date or you like him so the new girlfriend gets upset. I would have a conversation with both of them at the same time and express yourself and let the girlfriend know she has zero to worry about and I would put the band on notice that if things don't change you are gone.
  14. advice: if you dont type in jibber english, you get better advice here

  15. SirMjac28

    SirMjac28 Patiently Waiting For The Next British Invasion

    Aug 25, 2010
    The Great Midwest
    Ok old folks give her a break I'm old also but I have two daughters and I learned the lingo.
  16. tld2cool


    Jan 17, 2007
    My apology for my only means to the internet is through my phone. Didn't know there was a proper way to get good advice on this forum. I know how to conduct myself accordingly. Shall I start again for those that can't read 21st century shorthand?
    Thank you to those witout judgmental fingertips.
  17. SirMjac28

    SirMjac28 Patiently Waiting For The Next British Invasion

    Aug 25, 2010
    The Great Midwest
    You don't need to apologise it may be time to start your own band these conflicts only make you stronger and they really reach you how to deal with people even though right now it sucks.
  18. FunkHead

    FunkHead Supporting Member

    Mar 10, 2007
    Phillipsburg, NJ
    Unfortunately You are never going to get completely away from this type of stuff playing in Bars & Clubs. I've had fights make there way up on stage and equipment gets knocked over. 1/4" Speaker jacks broken etc.. As long as it's just B/S Drama you can just be the bigger person and ignore it. She has no reason not to like you and it's up to the Boyfriend to explain that to her and keep her away from you. Explain that to him. It's not your problem and you shouldn't have to deal with her B/S.
  19. Piggy8692


    Oct 2, 2010
    Northern Utah
    Man, I'm never right. So, here's my advice. haha.

    It's not really your responsibility to do anything other than file a complaint to the percussion department. It's his responsibilty to keep outside influences from interfering with band functions. If your boyfriend always talked crap to him, I'm sure you wouldn't just sit back and let it happen. He needs to address the situation or you need to find a band that has a professional attitude.
  20. You're on the right track, just make sure you have the rest of the band in your corner when you confront him. It would be even better to do it as an entire band so it doesn't appear you're attacking him with your own round of drama. I'm sure he already knows of the issue, so make sure you keep a calm demeanor and keep the conversation professional. Let him know you value his friendship and being in a band with him. Have the other band members support you on that. Don't demand anything from him, but simply let him know you would appreciate it if he could keep his personal drama out of the band. If he conforms, all is well. If he doesn't, then it's time to find another drummer or you find another band. Don't give ultimatums, that makes you look bitchy and demanding. He already has enough of that from his love life. You're a co-worker in a sense, so keep it work place professional.

    Respect gets respect. Treat him respectfully and you should get it in return. If you don't, then give no more respect and move along.

    Lastly, proper grammar will ward off the hecklers and make it easier for the forum to respect your post as serious. We know you are serious, so please take the time to type things out so others will take you as such. Best of luck and don't let it get to you. You're better than this silly immaturity.