Our guitarist causing drama!!

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Nowhereboy, Jul 26, 2013.

  1. Nowhereboy


    Mar 3, 2013
    This could end up quite long winded so bear with me, I'm curious what everyone else thinks about this situation.

    Basically our guitarist (and my best mate) has been gradually getting more and more frustrated with our singer but he can't really offer a proper explanation as to why.

    We have all jammed together for years before the band started, most of the songs were written in a drugged up haze in the singers flat. The guitarist slowly calmed down on the drugs and started to be distanced from the group. I also slowed down on the drugs and distanced myself, I never took it personally that the guys didn't ring me or anything, thats just how it is, stop doing drugs and your druggy friends stop calling you.

    Anyway, by this point we had formed a band and were gigging quite regularly, the singer started going out with a girl who the bands old drummer used to go out with and they are now attached at the hip. I'll agree this is pretty damn frustrating as shes ALWAYS there, every gig, every practise and party, she is a proper drama queen and is constantly crying or seeking attention from our singer, she has ADHD and is really loud/annoying.

    Now every time our guitarist gets drunk he sends the singer abusive texts about his girlfriend, he says shes killing the band etc etc. This guy is turning into a bigger drama queen than the singers girlfriend. Yes it's frustrating that this girl is always around but its certainly not "killing the band", we just played two storming gigs last weekend and sounded better than ever.

    So the guitarist is drunk again tonight and texts me saying "dude sorry if I'm not at the next gig but I've put up with this for too long now". So I ring him and he's really angry saying how he's had enough and sick of this, he says the singer just doesn't "get it" and he's put up with the crap too long.

    He is making no sense, last weekend we played the best two gigs of our lives and sat backstage chatting about how well we are all clicking musically and now he's sick?

    I have asked him to explain but he keeps talking in metaphors and not really explaining anything, I think it all stems from him feeling left out back when he stopped partying with the singer and now that the singer is always with this other lass its almost like jealousy or something.

    So now I've got the singer (bandleader) txting me really upset, doesn't understand why the guitarist is giving him such a hard time. The guitarist is also txting me drunken crap about the singer is killing the band. The only person "killing the band" right now is him and his prima donna crap.

    I realise this thread reads like something off jeremy kyle, guess I just need somewhere to vent my frustrations. All this drama for nothing, I love my best mate to bits but the band comes first, I think he seems to think Im on his side here but Im really not. If he goes he will be replaced quickly, the band comes first for me.

    What's your opinions?

    Please no lectures about drugs, I'm only being honest. This isn't a pop group at the end of the day.
  2. will33


    May 22, 2006
    Your guitarist has a point. If the chick is at practice at all, even sitting in the corner being quiet, she's a problem.

    That is all.
  3. Damn. I love playing in a band with older guys. Go find some older guys to play with......:bag:
  4. Bassist4Eris

    Bassist4Eris Frat-Pack Sympathizer

    I find it's best to have a "no visitors" policy at band practice. Even having the least disruptive person imaginable present makes me feel as if I have to perform rather than rehearse.

    Nowhereboy, your singer and guitarist are both at fault here. Singer needs to keep Drama Girl apart from his band. Drama Girl will probably cause more drama if this ultimatum is made, and the truth is that your singer will probably eventually have to choose between his band and his girlfriend. If I were a betting man, my money would be on the girlfriend, with another stack of chips on the regret square when the relationship finally fails and you guys have a new singer and don't want him back.

    Your guitarist (we'll call him "Drama Boy") needs to grow up and stop drunk texting your singer. A calm, reasonable band meeting is what's called for here, where issues can be aired in a frank yet respectful manner. Unfortunately, I have to wonder if your band is capable of that. That's no slam at you personally, but your singer and guitarist have some growing up to do.
  5. bigswifty1


    Dec 8, 2011
    Non-playing personnel at every rehearsal = beginning of the end

    Sorry :(

  6. will33


    May 22, 2006
    Anybody at rehearsal who isn't in the band is a distraction, even if it's the nicest person you've ever met. It's nothing personal, they just don't have a place there.

    Does your singer sit beside her at her desk at work all day?....same thing.

    Seems to me, aside from a bunch of other stuff, these people suffer from a whole lot of co-dependence, which is equal to a whole lot of lack of self-confidence and/or independence. You Brits of all people should know that never ends well. ;)
  7. Violen

    Violen Instructor in the Vance/Rabbath Method Inactive

    Apr 19, 2004
    Kansas City Metro Area
    Endorsing Artist: Conklin Guitars (Basses)
    If she isnt in the band, and isnt contributing ie: soundguy, driving the van or fluffing the band, then she doesn't need to come to anything but shows. she shouldnt be backstage. If you don't have the guts to tell your singer this, you can email him a link to this post.

    Hey Singer Guy. Leave Yoko Ono at home.
  8. Violen

    Violen Instructor in the Vance/Rabbath Method Inactive

    Apr 19, 2004
    Kansas City Metro Area
    Endorsing Artist: Conklin Guitars (Basses)
    Those two great gigs are why your guitarist is so upset. He wants more of what that was, and sees a threat to it. Hes upset because he cares.
  9. Nowhereboy


    Mar 3, 2013
    haha! We have been calling her yoko for a while now.

    On a more serious note, I'm not liking the person my best mate is turning into. He's becoming angry, arrogant, obnoxious and paranoid, making a big deal out of everything. He always seems to think everyone is out to get him, he's just informed me everyone was being off with him at the last gigs which is utter rubbish. He is creating this whole scenario in his own head then getting angry at everyone for it. He is on facebook now posting statuses like "f*ck off" etc.

    Yes Yoko turning up to all the gigs and everything is frustrating but as much as she does my head in at least she tries to help the band, I'll give her that. She sells tickets, books gigs and promotes them too. I'm not even sure shes the main reason my mate is angry anyway, I tried to talk to him again earlier and he started going on about how the singer has "burnt his bridges" with him and he "just doesn't get it anymore" and is "missing the point". He isn't actually making any sense to be honest. All the while the singer is texting me really upset saying he doesn't know what hes done wrong and he doesn't want to loose the guitarist.

    Guess I'll have to call my mate in the morning when he sobers up and try and get some sense out of him. I'm actually pretty pissed off at him now too, the amount of unneeded drama he is causing.
  10. Hmm. Yeah, that indeed is a problem and it’s not ever going to get better until you and your band mates are willing to address all of the alcohol and drug problems.

    Good luck.
  11. Nowhereboy


    Mar 3, 2013
    You're probably right, so bloody cliche.
  12. bkbirge


    Jun 25, 2000
    Houston, TX
    Endorsing Artist: Steak n Shake
    Your guitarist needs to come to terms with being in the closet for the singer or else come out of it. Or maybe not. I second one of the earlier posts, glad I play with older people now, being that I'm old too.

    Honestly, just sounds like you guys are maturing at different speeds, nothing wrong with that except that it's a confusing time when you hit puberty. We understand. Soon you guys will start getting facial hair and certain body changes will happen. Don't worry. Before you know it you'll be in a cubicle 10-12 hours a day paying alimony and wondering what it would have been like if you just played music instead of succumbing to pressure from society, your parents, and the media that all tell you what you are supposed to do with your life.

    Then you'll go on GAS spending sprees trying to fill the empty hole in your soul with a vintage P or a new 25 string tapping bass and your daughter will never call you on your birthday even though she's my only daughter and I $#%@#%#$#'ing pay her college where she's studying "criminal justice" while she runs around dating no account losers.

    I need a hug.

  13. IncX


    Jul 23, 2007
    that is bound to happen with drug use ... i mean, it all starts casually, but most of the time it turns into a habit. i'm glad you got out of it.

    i hope your band can make it through until the guitar player sobers up
  14. Nowhereboy


    Mar 3, 2013
    haha! Awesome post BKBirge.

    I texted the guitarist being honest, I told him I don't understand why he is getting so angry over this, he said it's impossible to progress when shes about. I told him thats simply not true, then he said "my head and heart can't take much more of this". To which I asked why is he taking it so personally? He said "me and **** used to be like brothers, now he couldn't care a less because of that troll (referring to the GF).

    That last text explains it all really. It's as I thought, he's pissed because the singer has pushed him to one side since getting with yoko. We were like one big family back when the drug use was rife but I'm not daft, I know how superficial the love you feel for your "friends" is when on substances. I guess our guitarist hasn't learnt this yet and still holds it against the singer for no longer being close.

    Pretty ghay for a rock n roll band huh? Christ.
  15. will33


    May 22, 2006
    Your guitarist said he can't take much more of her being about, she's a problem/distraction. You said bullhockey, she's not a problem.

    Are you sure you don't secretly want to do this chick? I bet you do. There's your problem.

    This is a case of the guitar player being smart and the bass player being whipped. Mark it on your calendar and tell your grandkids about it.
  16. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    And with that, no pics = no babe hanging out at practice.

    I think we all need to decide for ourselves if this is a serious problem we're dealing with here.
  17. will33


    May 22, 2006
    Agreed, I'd bet my 5th string this little tart isn't worth a second look. I can see 100 just like her within a dogs walk from here.
  18. soitainly


    Aug 21, 2012

    Pretty much sums it up here. Drinking can be fun, and I suppose if you know how to use drugs in moderation that can be fun too. But if you get sucked into that world where drugs and drinking consume you, then I don't know anyone who has good things to say. There is no win situation, you are either permanently unhappy or worse.

    I wouldn't go so far as to say abandon your friendships, but you need to distance yourself from these guys. You need to hang out with people who are not destructive. Help your friends as much as you can, but find another band. If they can't handle that then that is there loss. One thing I have seen with heavy drug users, they tend to want to surround themselves with other addicts. You may resist some of the time, but when you are vulnerable, they will pull you in.

    I am sorry that there is no easy solution where everyone ends up great. But if you can show a good example, then maybe you can inspire the others.
  19. Nowhereboy


    Mar 3, 2013
    The girl is a mess. I certainly don't want to "do her". She does my head too but shes been going out with the BL for ages, shes not going to disappear anytime soon.

    Just looking through my mates facebook this morning and all week his posts were about how wicked the gigs were and band this and band that. Yet once hes drunk he suddenly starts texting everyone saying he's "had enough".

    His behaviour is totally irrational.
  20. Tituscrow

    Tituscrow Inactive

    Feb 14, 2011
    NW England
    Punch her in the throat. Then punch him in the throat. Then punch yourself in the throat. Drama over.

    J/K. Whereabouts in the uk are you?