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Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Nowhereboy, Jul 26, 2013.
You have offered the best solution so far mate...
I'm In the northeast.
Newcastle, Sunderland, Middlesboro, Darlington, Hatlepool....?
I'm over in the NW (Carlisle) having moved up from Manchester/Liverpool
So there's your answer.
He's drinking and doing drugs again for a reason. IME, he's self-medicating his psychological problems and using the GF as an excuse for his behavior. He also may have feelings for your singer and is jealous of the girlfriend (or vice-versa) since he can't really express his feelings.
Sounds like he needs rehab and some serious mental health treatment to overcome the addictions and be able to address his real issues.
IME, you can't change/fix him. Your words mean nothing to him when he's in a drug induced stupor. And he spouts nonsense at the same time. When he's sober, maybe he will apologize or rationalize his statements that made no sense in the first place.
If you want the band to continue, you can try to get him some treatment or IME, you'll have to find another guitar player.
Sorry how things have turned out.
No significant others in the practice room. Band business is real business.
The singer and the guitar player need to resolve their conflicts outside of this room, as well.
You don't want to be their moderator, you shouldn't be their moderator, so you'll have to decline the position to both of them IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS.
Cheers guys. Im in Newcastle titus crow.
I think the comment about him having mental health issues and being a drug addict are a bit far fetched to be honest. I don't think enjoying a good knees up on the weekend equates to addiction. I'm still partial to a dabble myself, not because I'm hiding problems but because its fun, it's nice to let it all go once in a while.
Anyway, turns out he's feeling like a bit of an idiot today. I rang him and he said he's mad at himself for bringing this up whilst intoxicated as he knows he put his point across badly. He has sorted things out and made up with the BL today but I guess we will have to wait and see how things pan out.
I've learnt something from this anyway, next time anything flares up I am NOT getting involved. It was a complete nightmare being a middleman between everyone last night.
Newcastle? I was in the Metro centre this morning. I was over the weekend before last with my old University buddies...there were a ton of free bands on around the Free Trade Inn by the river.
Back to the story....I'm guessing you're pretty young. Any band worth its salt has to go through a bit of drama now and again.
You can't change people unless they want to change. Your singer is thinking with his penis and your guitarist either stopped thinking all together or else his penis is jealous of the singer's girlfriend.
Either way, it is currently outside your sphere of control.
So either grab some popcorn and strap yourself in for the roller coaster ride or start hunting for a new band.
When your behavior/addictions affects your ability to do the stuff you normally do, then there's a problem. And yeah, he's sorted things out but only until the next time.
If the guy can't explain himself there's a problem. It won't be the last time.
As far as not wanting a lecture on drugs, seems you done a good job on your own:
And the results of drugs:
In the best interests of your band: Here's the test for you and your band: have everyone completely stop doing alcohol/drugs for three months. First, to see you guys can do it and face life clean. Second, to see how the band goes. And last, to see how your lives change. If anyone of you can't do it, then you have your answer.
Also, just because you can drink and do drugs and keep it under control, doesn't mean he can. And for your ability to discern whether someone has an addiction or not, you're too close to the situation.
Oh well... saves me a lot of typing.
Bottom line is you can blame your guitarist, you can blame the girl, the singer, the situation... you can blame anything you want, truth is that as long as alcohol is a part of the story the way it is, the drama will continue. And get worse. I guarantee it.
bkbirge probably didn't help you at all. Too bad his post makes the most sense of everything here.
My friend keeps hitting himself in the head with a hammer. What should I do?
P.S. I don't want anyone to mention the hammer.
I won't lecture you about drugs and alcohol in a band.
I will lecture you about posting a thread wasting everyone's time asking about drugs and alcohol and how they relate to drama.
Sorry, but it is ALL about the drinking and drugs.
I'm trying to look at it from a different angle to see if you guys have a point but I've got to be honest, I don't think drugs are to blame for the problems. Fair enough alcohol caused my mate to run his mouth a bit but only because something had been bothering him for ages and he let it build up and up.
It's not like we are getting smashed before gigs anymore. Christ, I only drink once every month or so now and we all stayed sober for the recent gigs we played. I mentioned the drugs in the first post to give some background information on how the songs were written and why the guitarist is probably feeling less involved now.
The "first gig band drama" day changed a lot to be honest. We learnt from our mistakes and the drummer vowed never to drink again before a show.
The main issue right now is the BL's girlfriend, I have heard rumours that she wants to get pregnant. That would be game over for the band, without a doubt.
BS ! He wasted NO one's time posting this thread other than his own. If you consider your time to have been wasted by reading this then that is your fault, NOT his, because you chose to read it. Apparently you need a lecture on when to give people lectures and to accept responsibility for your own actions. The OP is not responsible for your actions so the only one needing a lecture is YOU.
I was planning on ignoring this ridiculous response but after reading it again I just can't help myself.
I never asked about drugs and alcohol or how they relate to drama.
I merely vented my frustrations with recent events on here as I had no one to talk to at the time.
The next to last line in your original post was: "Opinions?"
That is what you are getting.
It's clear that you believe the girl is the problem, and are rejecting what you don't want to hear. I, on the other hand, think that Stumbo's post where he quoted you was dead on. And he used your very own words to illustrate. When there are problems with drugs and alcohol, it's not uncommon for people to dismiss them and blame everything else first. It's sometimes referred to as having an elephant in the living room that everyone keeps walking around and acting as though it's not there. If alcohol and drugs aren't an issue, then stumbo's suggestion of stopping for 3 months shouldn't be any problem at all. I've an excellent feeling that suggestion is not even going to be considered however. In the eyes of someone strugling with a problem, that suggestion is absurd.
Just want to quote you one more time...
Now take a look at that! The dude sobers up, feels like an idiot, makes up with the BL, and all is swell again...
All that aside, there really isn't much more anyone can offer you here. It's great that you vented, and that people are giving you their opinions. You're not going to change anybody however. If you're not going to address the drugs and alcohol, then I'd highly recommend staying out of the drama. It's between the singer, his girl, and guitarist. You're not going to fix it, and the best you can do accept and deal with it, or get out. Sucks, but anything else is just going to add to the drama.
Smart people learn and grow from their mistakes. Really smart people learn and grow from the mistakes of other. You can blow off all the comments here that you don't want to hear, but I believe most of us are posting from experience. Been there, done that would be an understatement in my case.
Best of luck.
lol after reading this, i have come to the conclusion that OP will blame everything egos, gf, drama, etc. but never the alcohol or the drugs
You are absolutely correct. Drugs are never to blame for the problems.
Now, drug use....