Out of the band because i dont hang out?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Lazlo Panaflex, Apr 25, 2004.

  1. Lazlo Panaflex

    Lazlo Panaflex

    Sep 30, 2003
    Ok here is the story, until a couple of weeks ago i would hang out with my band/band mates all the time. We would usually go over to someones house on the weekend and just kick it and have fun. Recently though i have been hanging out with another group of my friends from my School (non of them go to my school).

    Anyways last band practice they took me aside and told me if i dont start hanging out with them more i would be out of the band. I was in absolute shock and had no idea that i would have to hang out with them 24/7 in order to be in the band...

    My band dedication has not changed in the least, i love the band and the music, i just dont hang out with them as much as i did before.

    Is this my problem or theres?
    Comments? Suggestions?
  2. That's a shame. Some things you have to chalk up to "wasn't meant to be". Your friends/bandmates need to expand their horizons a bit. A band should be - we all have different lives but share a similar passion.
    Zodion likes this.
  3. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    This sounds really lame. True, you should hang out with your bandmates from time to time as it helps you develop as a cohesive unit, but just because you hang out with other people doesn't mean you should be kicked out.

    Of course, this could be just an excuse to let you go. They might just think you suck. :cool:
    Zodion likes this.
  4. Lazlo Panaflex

    Lazlo Panaflex

    Sep 30, 2003
    Just to clarify the band meeting that was held they told me "if i dont hang out more THEN ill be kicked out" but im pretty sure they made up there mind.

    And no i dont suck ;)
  5. pigpen02


    Mar 24, 2002
    bummer. if they're dictating to you your social life, you might not want to be in this band.

    growing up, i always dug being friends with the bands i was in, seemed to add to the music and the experience. as a grown up, just-doing-it-for-fun guy, i find a lot of musicians/bands aren't interested in hanging out w/ each other at all. i don't feel as interested in pursuing a creative collaboration with people i only see here and there. just doesn't mean as much to me.
    Zodion likes this.
  6. they sound pretty shallow to me. You can't force peolpe to be like that. Its like an exclusive gang that you have to sell your soul to. Shure there has to be a healthy bond between band members but they are insecure and petty. Dont worry about it. things happen for a reason, something better will come along for you
    Zodion likes this.
  7. It'd serve 'em right to end up with someone who hangs out but DOES suck as a bassist! Hahaha!
    Zodion likes this.
  8. Finger Blister

    Finger Blister

    Jul 8, 2003
    Sounds like they talk about you when your not around.
  9. The question you should always ask with a band is: "could I live on a tourbus for a year with these guys?"

    if the answer's 'no', you should move on ;)
    Zodion likes this.
  10. Sundogue


    Apr 26, 2001
    Wausau, WI
    For my entire career as a bass player (25 years +), aside from a touring band that I was in where we lived in our band bus and were on the road 24/7...I almost never hang out with the guys in my band(s).

    I've got a life. So do my bandmates. None of us have the time to just hang out with each other. That's what rehearsals and gigs are for.

    Tell them to get a life. Move on.
    Zodion likes this.
  11. b15fliptop

    b15fliptop Supporting Member

    Feb 17, 2004
    When you're younger, some people are obsessed with 'making it', and see hanging as an integral part of making the band work. I think that's taking it a bit far, because realistically, the odds of a band making it are pretty darned slim. If they're really your friends, and the musical chemistry is good, they won't force you to hang just to be in the band.

    This will all change as you get older. Everyone in my band is either married or has a girlfriend, so the only time we really see each other is at rehearsal and gigs. We all like each other and get along well, so it's more like something to look forward to. I equate it with guys who have a 'poker night' to hang with their buds, or play golf on the weekends.
    Zodion likes this.
  12. Sundogue


    Apr 26, 2001
    Wausau, WI
    Zodion likes this.
  13. Lazlo Panaflex

    Lazlo Panaflex

    Sep 30, 2003
    I really appreciate all the responses :)

    I just had band practice although it was better than the last, i still have a feeling that this is not going to work out.

    Were recording may 13, 14, 15 and 16th and i have a felling there keeping me until the recording is over.

    Hopefully this is not the case but ill see how things turn out :meh:
    Zodion likes this.
  14. I didn't hang out with my band mates, since I wasn't into the "weed" and drinking thing. After a while we separated on a "mutual" agreement.
  15. Just tell your lazy-ass band mates that have nothing better to do than 'hang-out' to go and book some more shows. Out of town shows, where you're stuck in a white Durango for 10 hours. Bam, you're hanging out and doing what you love.

    Seriously, though, play 2 times a week and you're hanging out. If they're wanting you to 'come over and play X-box', then I can't help you. If they're so interested in hanging out, use that time to put up flyers, drop press kits to clubs, support other bands, anything that would kill two birds with one stone so you're not just fxxking around on their couch. Then, THEY won't want to hang out with YOU because it's real work, and YOU'LL realize that it is THEM who suck, and not you. :D
    Zodion likes this.
  16. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    Sounds pretty silly to me. IME, a band works best when you all get along and hang out from time to time, but live your own separate social lives as well. Granted, this does vary, but there are limits.

    On the other hand, I have developed a few lasting friendships with people I've been in bands with.

    If you don't enjoy hanging out with them at all, though, you're in the wrong band.
  17. Tom Crofts

    Tom Crofts

    Mar 15, 2001
    Personally, I find playing music with people I'm good friends with is far superior to playing with people I don't know/like. That's just my opinion though...