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Parents Against Music?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by pete&petelives, May 13, 2006.

  1. pete&petelives


    Jan 8, 2006
    To start off, I'm 15 years old, but please don't judge my comments in this thread just because of my age. This thread is basically asking how many others of you had parents who really didn't like that you were getting into music... As in thinking music was basically tied into drugs, being a hippie etc. My parents aren't like that at all, and know I'm really anti-drug, and really support anything about my musical endeavours... (I play with a variety of talented and amazing musicians, from my many church and jazz and funk gigs to some more classic rock gigs with anyone from 15-50 years of age... I'm not bragging about playing with people older than me I'm just saying that I am really into music) and eventually I want to play for a gospel band around here while I'm going to school to be a minister... wow that was a lot of background... The reason though I'm bringing this up is that my drummer's parents are always saying that he is going to get into drugs and sex if he hangs around musicians, even if we're playing a church gig! I find the whole thing ridiculous, but their view isn't out of the ordinary, a lot of kids I play with say their parents don't like them playing with anything but jazz band or orchestra at school and say the rest is all leading them on a dangerous path... I thought our society was over the hippie drug stereotype but apparently not. (Mind I live in a very stuck up suburb)
  2. I hit a similar bump with my parents a few months back. I made a post about it. Its just something that happens. My parents, as well as all other parents, even my friends all think I'm this huge stoner because I like jam band music and I'm in a band. And that pisses me off because thats the last thing I want to do now. Its too big of a distraction in high school. That kind of view is just taken by most people. I can't blame them though. Its primal nature to judge things by how they seem. Everyone does it. Even myself. Lots of musicians are drug addicts, so to people who haven't been there, it seems like all of us are. Yeah its not fair, but its something we all have to deal with at some point in time. So your drummer just should just brush it off, not worry about it, and keep playing. This kind of thing should never alter anyone's love or want to play music.
  3. I'd say that view IS out of the ordinary. The musicians who had encouraging parents aren't the ones ending up with drug/alcohol problems.
  4. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    My parents are dead. So no prob.
  5. pete&petelives


    Jan 8, 2006
    I meant more in the context of ordinary with the parents of kids whom I play with. I seem to find that the overall population doesn't think the way those parents do... but in wealthy suburbia I find in my experience there are still a lot of people like that... I just wish they wouldn't be so stereotypical, but hey, SnakeAnthony is right, my drummer should just ignore it and keep playing... it's just that they're limiting his practices a lot.
  6. One thing you have to realize is that things were completely different during the days of your parents' youth. Either the sexual revolution hadn't happened yet, or was just happening, and not everyone was particularly happy about it. I'm sure your drummer's parents still hold very traditional views on many topics, and they're not at all happy about the fact that North America is so liberal when it comes to these topics. However, the notion that music will lead you down a dangerous path is not only untrue, but downright silly. It's a proven fact that children who are exposed to music at a young age develop mathematical and social skills significantly faster than children who were not. In the end, your drummer is responsible for his own actions - the more his parents try to shield him from the potential nastiness of the world, the more he will seek it out and the less prepared he'll be to deal with it when he finally finds it. To quote a line from the movie "Unfaithful", "There are no such things as mistakes. There is what you do, and what you don't do."

    And who said sex is bad? The next time his parents say that music will lead to things like sex, tell him to say, "And the problem with that is....?" Your drummer's parents need to come to terms with the fact that he is his own person, and that if he lives his life for anyone but himself, he'll end up hollow inside when whoever he's been living his life for is gone.

    Wow, that has to be the most serious post I've ever written... Anyways, those are my two cents.

  7. pete&petelives


    Jan 8, 2006
    Well, they're talking about premarrital sex... we're both Methodists, and it's against our religion, so we agree with them, it's just we're trying to convince them being jazz and funk musicians isn't going to force us to have sex. The dumbest thing I find is that we both love music, but I'm planning on being a minister and he wants to be a carpenter, it's not even like we're thinking "I want to make it big!" or something like that.
  8. Well, as far as the sex thing goes, that depends on who your talking to. Take this poster for example. He (based upon what I know in his trianing to be a minister) puts much stock in religion and spirituality, so sex is something that he doesn't really want to delve into. Thats not nessicarily a bad thing, in fact its probably a better outlook, and thats just how it is for him. But for alot of musicians, getting laid is part of the reason for playing music. Myself, I play music because I love music, but other side effects from playing it wont be denyed in the future:D ...

    As far as the being your own person thing, I very much agree. No one should live their life based upon a guideline set out by someone else, even if it is his parents. But sometimes, its easier not to fight. He needs to make it clear that this is something he loves to do, and that he's going to do, and if his parents have a problem with it, they can live with that problem, but don't take it to a point of serious argument with the parents. Just keep trying to convince them that this is what he loves and its not leading to any wrong doing. Have him prove them wrong.
  9. DaemonBass


    Mar 29, 2004
    Sacramento, CA
    Problem is parent's want their kids to have a stable future and being a musician isn't really known as the most stable or promising career choice. Maybe that is the problem, not anything to do with drugs and sex.
  10. metalguy2


    Dec 26, 2004
    I don't know.. whenever I listen to 'Trane it makes me want to spark a joint..... I don't even smoke... I used to. But that is the mood I get in when I am really into jazz.

    Not trying to curb the thread at all. But I am just trying to add that the reason why your parents feel this way is because it is SOMEWHAT true. You will find this out later on in life. Most of the musicians I know smoke and drink... alot. I actually know one guy that doesn't right now. But he used to. He is like 50 though.

    I am also not saying there aren't musicians who aren't like that. I just haven't met alot of them. Just saying that the stereotype does come from SOMEWHERE
  11. Another very good point....
  12. Lowner


    May 14, 2005
    Over Here
    A lot of church goers have this idea about music. Parents also believe lies about music ,especially recetly with the on slaught on Marilyn Manson, that many well meaning preachers have told them. So they get it into their heads that if their children listen to anything but Christian music they are going to become an addict, get into sex, or go to hell.

    My parents were church goers but let me listen to the kind of music that i wanted to. I am a child of the 80's and had posters of every 80's hair band on my walls imaginable. I never became an addict or went wild sexually. I turned out just fine. Actually, what you friend's parents are doing may end up sending him down that path later in life. Sometimes restrictions like that now lead to curiosity later in like. they need to looosen up on him and let him listen to the music he wants.
  13. In all honesty, he'll probably get into sex at some point in his life, its a tad natural you know :p

    My parents think its great that i play music, well, except when i get a bit over zealous with the volume dial.

    Hell, my dad even picked up a musical instrument he had always wanted to have a bash at and he's gotten right into it, so its cool :)

    My folks arent church goers, we are all atheists, through our own choices (man of science me ;) ), and my parents think im some sort of "man slut" anyway . . . so, im fine, it isnt true, its just i spent 4 nights down in edinburgh staying at 3 different female friends flats, at which nothing happened, literally just friends, but, you know how parents get some times.
  14. Well, I'm not saying that it wont happen. Like he said, he's a man of religion, so maybe it will, maybe it wont, but I doubt sex is the first thing on his mind. Myself, I fall into a similar bin as you do. I am not an athiest, rather I consider myself agnostic. I know something out there happened, be it god, or allah, or buddah, or perhaps things unfolded as science has shown, but I couldn't be sure, so I'm not going to dedicate myself to anything just yet.

    And dude, its not just your parents. I don't even know you and I think that something happened:D I mean, dude, you've got a mohawk. DUDES WITH MOHAWKS ALWAYS GET POON:D
  15. +1 on that one.

    I think your parents need to get away from the negative stigma attached to Music.
    its the same thing i am working on with my parents and tattoos. its not just bad people that have them, and its the same with music.
  16. Just tell the drummer to talk to his parents. He should tell them that he is strong enough to resist drugs and sex, and that his parents should trust him enough to do something he loves. Everyone has to let go at some point.

    Or... Tell them to listen to my band (sig!) Then tell them that no one in the band does drugs or drinks.
  17. This thread delivers.
  18. steveb98

    steveb98 [acct disabled - multiple aliases]

    Mar 15, 2006
    Venice, CA
    Money and religion a dangerous combination. You have people that are either Borg-like who want someone else to think for them and let (church) group-think scare them. Or they think money and getting it is all that life should be about. Neither group are Free thinkers and are scared of anyone who is.

    They don't understand the possibility of someone getting into drugs or alcohol is same in any career path. They don't understand constantly demonizing things they don't like or understand could drive a person to drinking or drugs out of fear and trying to avoid reality. They don't understand the pressure to succeed in business, music, or any career path can drive someone to drugs and alcohol. That pressure can be self imposed or from family.

    Also is someone is driven to do something like music trying to deny it might drive them to leave home. So they can lose a family member and force that person into a risky life trying to make ends meet. Reverse someone may live a life of regret for not perusing their dreams.

    This could go on and on. There is no one answer.

    If your friend has parent that are sheep and let other think for them, they may never change. One thing that might help is to find someone they will listen to to convince them that playing music doesn't mean he'll fall into the stereotype they believe. They have to believe they have taught their kid right and let him play. The kid has to do his part and keep them informed of what he's doing and what gigs are like. Two way conversation is the thing lacking in families today. To many of the so called moral right think legislating their idea of morality is the answer to everything, but most of them can't tell you anything about their kids. They can tell you what they hope, but most haven't spent enough time talking to really know their kids.

    Bottom line there are no guarantees in life. Bad things can happen to someone no matter what career path they take. Parents need to talk to their kids and know what they are doing. Kids need to talk to their parent to keep them from thinking the worst. Then parents have to have real faith and let their kids go and believe they will do well.

    Steve B.
    I am a devout musician. - Charlie Parker
  19. pete&petelives


    Jan 8, 2006
    Thanks everyone for the thoughts and opinions! I talked to my drummer again and he said that his parents kinda came clean about the whole thing... I haven't known this drummer long but apparently his brother was huge on music and ended up totally screwing up his high school record (went from straight A's to F's)(concentrated way too much on his band which a local record company said would "make it big". Never happened). It really hurt his bro in the long run and his parent's didn't want the same thing happening to him... I wish my drummer would have told me this earlier but yeah, now we know where his parents were getting all their negative feelings toward music.
  20. That makes a lot more sense. If he trys to let it come off as more of a hobby, maybe they will ease into it a little better. Tell them that he plans to go to college, but wants to make some music on the side. Unless his grades are bad. Then you're in trouble. ;)

    Our guitarist was not allowed to come over because of bad grades. I remember we were at the drummer's house and she called and told us that "Practice was over for today"

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