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Parents - can you offer any advice?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Matthew Bryson, Apr 1, 2004.

  1. Matthew Bryson

    Matthew Bryson Guest

    Jul 30, 2001
    (re: "potty training / bed wetting")

    Can anybody offer advise or recommend any resources (books, web sites, etc.) on night time potty training. The boy has been out of diapers for a pretty long time. He still wears "pull ups" at night. He is old enough that this needs to stop. One of the most upsetting aspects to this is that he was 'out of pull ups' for quite a little while sometime back, but had occasional accidents. Then his occasional accidents were fairly frequent and his mother was tired of doing the dirty laundry, so she had him start wearing the pull up's again. I think that the "pull-up's" are working against us in this situation - traditionally a boy his age would feel some shame about wearing diapers at night and strive to get past that stage. When I told him I think he's getting a bit too old for pull-up's, he honestly disagreed. "No" he said "Pull up's are for big kids, they're not diapersÂ…" I also notice that he has a hard time waking up in the mornings, he's just a sleepy head and doesn't like waking up. Maybe that's part of the problem? I am really concerned, at this point I'm concerned that maybe there is a psychological problem. My old fashioned horse sense says that I need to wake him up to use the restroom before I go to bed at night and again at some time during the night until he starts doing it on his own - But I worry that might make him dependant on me rather than doing it himself so maybe that's not good. What's the best t thing that I can do? I am worried, should I be? He just turned six, he's in Kindergarten and doing quite well - he's a normal smart kid. How old is too old to still be wetting the bed? How do I teach this? My daughter was easy, it happened very naturally. This is a struggle.
  2. I'm still working at getting mine to sleep through the night. Sorry, no answers here. I feel your pain though.
  3. FunkySpoo

    FunkySpoo Supporting Member

    Feb 6, 2002
    When we where training my son who was 4 at the time and having trouble with the potty training we decided that it was time for him to help with the clean up.

    So instead of us changing the sheets while he watched we had him help change the sheets and put the dirty sheets in the washer. That seemed to help.

    We also realize that he liked being a little kid.It was easier. So we came up with really fun things that only big boys in underwear can do.

    While six is a bit old and I can understand your frustration just be patient. It'll come. Sooner or later.

    My daughter was also far easier to potty train.
  4. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA
    I'd just like to wish you good luck. This is a part of parenting I am not looking forward to.
  5. Wrong Robot

    Wrong Robot Guest

    Apr 8, 2002
    Where are TB's resident bed wetters when you need them? mike money? thole, freaky fender, stephen soto..et al where are you guys? come on, you could really help Matthew out.

    :oops: :D
  6. BustinJustin

    BustinJustin banned

    Sep 12, 2003
    NYC, LI too

    I haven't any crumb snatchers of my own yet.... but the mrs. is a bit of a yenta (sp?). She has a friend who tried this on her kid and low and behold after years of reading and trying different methods, hypnosis worked...

    good luck matt
  7. FunkySpoo

    FunkySpoo Supporting Member

    Feb 6, 2002
    Matt, did the regretion coincide with going to Kindergarten?

    Sometimes a big change in routine can have this effect.

    We also limited how much he could drink after dinner and made sure he was empty before he went to bed.

    I remember my little guys would do a 2 steps forward then 1 back kinda thing for a while.

    It's tough growing up and can be a bit scary.

    Maybe some positive peer pressure can help.
    Next time he's got a buddy over at your house you can kinda casually ask his friend if he's wearing pull-ups at night. When the buddy says no you say something like "Wow, that's great. Just like a grown up".

    But don't make a big deal out of it.

    Maybe that'll plant the seed in your son head that it's good to grow up alittle bit.
  8. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    I can only suggest this: As my son and daughter both started potty training, at night I would wake my son and/or daughter up and escort them to the john. They do this on their own now. We've had a few accidents, but very few.

    Yeah, you as a parent have to get up too. but, it sure beats the stained mattresses and doin' the laundry.
  9. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA
    OOOH, tell 'em that nobody likes the stinky kid! It scares kids and it's true!
  10. Thor

    Thor Gold Supporting Member In Memoriam

    I recommend the parenting book by Dr. Spock. Opinions do
    differ on the subject as pullups can be seen as
    a reinforcing mechanism, especially if the boy finds
    them warm and comfortable.

    Yes, there is some psychological basis for bed-wetting iirc,
    be sure you read up on it thoroughly. One theory is
    that it is attention-getting behavior. Some people advocate
    removing the pullups for a week to create a more negative
    or aversive situation to wetness. This is more of a
    behavior modification approach to the problem.
    People who don't believe kids can be trained like dogs
    or rats tend to avoid this approach. Positive reinforcement
    needs to outweigh negative reinforcement by 10 to 1
    in oredr for behavior modification to work effectively,
    according to the Skinnerian schoolof thought.

    I also found that my girl trained faster than my son as
    noted above.

    Limited fluids in the evening and an empty bladder at
    bedtime are a must. See if you can discover when the wetting usually occurs, e.g. if he is usually dry at 5 AM
    and wet at 7 AM, a programmed potty trip at 5 AM
    may be called for until it becomes automatic for him to
    awake and go at that time.

    The inevitable 'parent getting out of bed' routine is probably
    not to be avoided.

    Good luck.
  11. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    Im not trying to freak you out, but if he's constantly lethargic and is having trouble with bladder control it could be a sign of diabetes.

    Bed wetting is normal in kids but Im not sure about the progression and regression thing, then you mentioned that he's usually sleepy.

  12. Marlat


    Sep 17, 2002
    London UK
    This book should help you out:


    Apologies ... I just lovethe title of that book and couldnt help but post it :D
  13. Matthew Bryson

    Matthew Bryson Guest

    Jul 30, 2001

    Actually, this kid is far from lethargic. The only time he's sleepy is in waking up in the mornings - he doesn't want to get up, he'd like to stay sleeping. Once he's up he's fine. Maybe related to not waking up for the bathroom? (heavy sleeper)

    Thor - I think my wife might have that Dr Spock book somewhere - I guess maybe I should actually open it and read some of it. Thanks to all who have posted.

    My plan of action is to try and wake him up before I turn in for the night myself, and then again during the 'wee' hours of the morning. When I can get a week or two of dry pull ups by doing this I'll have him stop wearing the pull ups, but continue to wake him. I'm going to promise him that the first time he makes it a month with no pull-up, no help waking up, and of course no wet sheets - then I'll buy him a drum kit (he's been asking for a drum kit for a long time) I just want him to get over this problem. I hope he has success soon.
  14. Johnny Crab

    Johnny Crab ACME,QSC,Fame/Hondo/Greco/HELIX user & BOSE Abuser Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 11, 2004
    South Texas
    We've had 6 go through this(4 boys, 2 girls). Boys took longer(3 ~ 7 years old). These things helped: making them go before you went to bed, making them cleanup at the time of the "accident", using plastic bedliners, metering fluid consumption in the last 2 hours before bed.

    Good luck. Blink your eyes twice and they'll be teenagers!
  15. Thor

    Thor Gold Supporting Member In Memoriam

    So true. I blinked 3 times and now I have 2 college
    tuition bills ... :bawl:

  16. My Girlfriend's daughter is 6 and she started having wetting problems last year. She just doesn't like going to the bathroom. When I said wetting problems, I didn't mean JUST bed wetting problems. She'd be up and about, middle of the day and she'd wet herself. It seemed to be more like she just didn't want to go to the bathroom. We had to keep reminding her to go, and EVERY TIME she'd throw a fit, but every time she'd actually go.

    Good Luck. But keep in mind it's not easy on them either.
  17. Tim Barber

    Tim Barber Commercial User

    Apr 28, 2003
    Serenity Valley
    Owner: Barber Music
    Been there, done that. I know how you feel. We did everything - restrict fluids, get up during the night, make him do his own laundry, pullups, no dairy, you name it. He is just a very deep sleeper. He felt worse about it than we did; would cry with frustration. In the end (and I'm sure you don't want to hear this) the only thing that worked was time. He was almost 10 when it stopped, but it did stop and now is a distant memory. Hang in there. :) And make sure he knows you love and accept him, no matter how badly you wish the problem would stop. He honestly can't help it.
  18. FunkySpoo

    FunkySpoo Supporting Member

    Feb 6, 2002
    LOL, I read that book about a thousand times to my little ones.

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