People who bully their families at home but are weak in public

I remember you and your family from another post. You dad needs help and you need to move out. But since you said yourself you are of an Asian culture, do you think your dad will seek help?

I think you would only have one option at that point, move out.

 

Your dad is not a man. People like that make me sick, "My life (work) is ****, I'll take it out on my family." Have you had a "What the **** is your problem?" conversation with him ever? I might wait until your college tuition is squared away though.

Family abuse makes me really angry (I've never experienced it though), my girlfriend use to work at Wal*Mart, she said she'd see full grown men open hand slap their children across the face as hard as they can BECAUSE THEY NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM! If I saw that **** I'd open hand slap the guy, regardless of if it results in me getting beat up/jail time. I can't deal with that.

 

I'd be reluctant to move out. I'd feel like I needed to be there to make sure he did not get physical with the others in the family

 

Not saying that it is the correct behavior or excusing it, but for some people that is the only way they know to act. I have noticed in my family and in the family of friends, that a lot of the "fathers" have no idea how to communicate and this is how they express it.

 

Sometimes there isn't much you can do but break the cycle that leads to this kind of parenting. I do hope you find a great solution to your family problem though.

 

I usually see the opposite. Among my coworkers, the biggest "hardasses" at work, are the ones who are dominated by their overly bitchy and demanding wives at home.

 

vince, that sux, man. i work with folks in abusive situation and it's always hard when the abusive person doesn't think that they're doin anything wrong....altho' i don't think that's the case, personally. logically, if someone was angry, they'll just blow up at anyone, not keep it inside and wait to unload on a partner/spouse/kids.

either way, i hope your moms is taking care of herself.

 

I don't relate on the part about my dad being a door-mat at work because he is the boss of himself but I do relate on the whole 'takign everything out on the whole family', 'saying things that is totally uncalled for', and 'the total no-room-for-discussion self-righteousness' thing he's got going on. I can't stand it. He'd blow up about everything. Like how one time my mom didn't know what double-clicking on a computer mouse was, oh he was through the roof and didn't stop shouting for over two hours. He used to beat my sister and I as a child as well but stopped once we grew up. I don't hold that against him. I see it more as discipline than abuse really. I turned out to be a pretty good kid.

But I moved right out. I got the heck out of there and that poisonous environment and I can only empathize with my younger sisters as they tell me what's happening at home. We can't change our dads though, because they see their actions and words as completely right and justified.

 

Not trying to justify it, but until you're a father/husband overwhelmed by a stressful work environment you won't understand. He's got to find a more positive way of dealing with it, but stress and pressure do funny things to people's personalities. Try getting him to join you in a hobby or something that helps him release tension. Golf, woodworking, music, etc... Something that lets him work that out of his system so he's not boiling over at home all the time.