I thought we could start yet another fun thread. I know some bass guys can be something else (and sometimes deserve the nickname basstard), but this one dude that showed up at practice tonight is probably the ultimate in gui****ness. Showed up with 3 guitars. All tuned standard. One has a Jeff Beck autograph (his Strat), the other one a Joe Sat' autograph (the Ibanez of course). Oh, ok, so this was the reason to bring these two extra guitars: to show off the autographs. Does not know theory, does not know chord names, can't read music, can't read tabs (who can't read tabs, seriously?), can't even read cheat sheets (of course, since he does not know a single chord). So we had to play over recordings, since otherwise we could not practice. When stuff was in 1/2 step down, I had to tell him he needed to detune. Which is why I suggesting "next time" to bring a guitar detuned 1/2 step down. Asks me if really so many people played 1/2 step down? Sure, we were just playing over GNR's Used To Love Her (we have to start with the easy stuff) and he could not realize it was 1/2 step down. Seriously. He was completely out of tune with the rest of the song but could not tell it. When he tried to detune 1/2 step down, he first detuned all his strings at random, then tried to tune then by ear. No tuner. No. Does not own one. Three guitars, a serious Marshall amp, no tuner. After 5 minutes I asked him if he wanted to use my tuner. Because he did not know the name of the strings 1/2 step down, he failed. I had to say "ok let's retune standard and go like this". All his chords were fingered the same. 1st finger on 1, 2nd on 5th and that was it, everything else open, wherever he was on the neck. Up, down, up, down, whatever, whenever, shredding totally at random. Even when I kept playing JUST THE ROOT, so he would get the clue, he would shred random stuff that did not make sense. I made letters with my mouth, like it would help. I even asked him to show me a G and he could not (he was proud of not knowing). Did not know ANYTHING. Oh yes, Paranoid. Badly. I was expecting Smoke On The Water or Ironman. No. What a disappointment. When we asked him if he had songs he wanted to play, he handed over a CD of Whitesnake. He wanted to play #3 and #7 (?!?). We had to tell him a cover band plays popular songs, except once in a great while an obscure cover of an unknown great song for the fun of it. That if we were a hair metal cover band, sure, why not, but not a 70-00s cover band trying to please a wide audience. When I was trying to talk, or my drummer was, he would shred just to show off. Like a 15-year old at GC. Except he was 35, married, with kids. Embarrassing. And on top of that: he gave me a terrible headache, while I was wearing some serious ear plugs. If you know of a worst gui**** than that, please post a portrait.