I was having a discussion with a co-worker that eventually worked its way around to just how lame and bizarre the things we have to sing in public can be. (ZZ Top - Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers, anyone?) when it occurred to me that I had even stranger examples handy...from originals. So I invite you all to post the lamest/oddest/goofyest lyrics you/your band have ever done in public. Bonus points for songs you helped create. To start off I will shamefully admit to parts of one of our originals from back in the day. In my defense, I was trying to be as much like Zappa as I could when we wrote this one. So each verse would start with several slips of paper with individual words on them dumped out of a bowl onto the table. And I had to use the phrase that came out, somehow. Mostly they were pretty darned odd. These were the first and last verses of a song that changed in length nearly every time we did it. Iowa Surfers (excerpts) The surfers from Iowa in the arctic heat Wear shaggy toupees on their blue painted feet They're running from a penguin with a bad attitude A pissed off penguin: Man. That's generally rude. But that penguin...the angry swimming avian... has got a chainsaw How does he work it without thumbs!?! (guitar solo) A man-eating hotdog in a green limousine threw me a baseball bat and said just one thing Play heiroglyphic hopscotch with both feet tied behind your head Until you pass out in a blues bar At least I think that's what he said. At times there were MANY other verses, depending on the audience. If they were up on their feet and partying, I'd keep making new ones up. If not, then probably these two and one that was usually in between about a bar that hired the Sirens of Greek mythology to lure in customers. I'm not sure I remember how that one went. But it started from joking about a Dallas Observer article about a vocalist friend of ours that referred to her as a 'Blues siren'.