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PSA #2 - I hate you

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by SpankBass, Nov 24, 2003.

  1. Hello everybody, I'm Sean Gallagher, but you might know me better as SpankBass on the popular web forum Talkbass.com.

    Normally I'm a funny guy, but today, I need to talk to you about something serious. My topic is proper etiquette when coming to watch movies, especially during these busy holidays.

    As some of you may remember, I made a similar thread some time back, but I have since been promoted to a manager, so I will be hating you from that perspective. All you have yo do is read through this simple list and there is a possibility that you can reduce your "dumbassness" by at least 25%!

    -READ THE GOD DAMN NEWSPAPER! Its a wonderful source of news, entertainment, and underwear ads, plus it has our show times. There is not much I can do when you just show up and expect the movie you want to be playing.
    Also, I REALLY would like to know why we get these kinds of messages on our business line daily:
    "Uhh...hello? .....I dunno honey I think its the answering machine...Uhh my name is George, I'd like to know the show times, please call me back at 555-5555" (name and number changed to protect the innocent)
    The only place that our business number can be found is in the newspaper where it is clearly labeled "Business number" and the phonebook where it is also clearly labeled "Bussiness number. So this puzzles me, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING FOR SHOWTIMES WHEN THEY ARE RIGHT NEXT TO THE NUMBER YOU JUST CALLED?????

    -The customer is rarely right, we just have to "pretend" they are right in order to get more money, that is what that saying "The customer is always right" means. That is pretty insulting isn't it? So why to customers come up to me and when I don't give them what they want, they tell me "The customer is always right!" Do they even realize that they are insulting themselves when they say that? I want to say something like "So you are admitting that you are wrong, but you want me to just 'pretend' that you are right?"

    -You don't know how to run this business. So please understand that I am trying my hardest not to roll my eyes when you lecture me about how much money we are going to loose because we:
    -Don't let people bring in their outside food (figure that one out)
    -Don't let parents buy tickets for their 11 year olds to see Jackass or other raunchy films and not go in themselves.
    -Don't carry Goobers or Junion Mints.
    -Don't carry: (insert obscure independant film)
    -Stopped carrying: (insert terrible film that no one ever buys for after the first week)
    -Don't have seats that lean back.
    -Don't give discounts for AAA members.
    -Don't offer Pizza
    -Offer Mr. Pibb instead of Dr. Pepper.
    -Play (movie) at this (time) instead of this (time). The latter time is often the time that the customer decided to show up (read the "READ THE GOD DAMN NEWSPAPER")
    -Don't take other companies passes (I'm not kidding.)

    -You do NOT know what false advertising actually means. You only know what you've heard on TV, and you think that false advertising = get lots of money. So you think that because we put "Hot Dogs - $3.50" we should be giving more that one hotdog for 3.50, right? And I bet you were pretty disapointed when you only got one hot dog, right? So I bet you marched straight the the manager (me), who at first thought you were joking, and explained your situation (making sure to use words like "outraged" and raising your voice), and ending your story by saying "That's FALSE ADVERTISING, I can SUE!" And I bet you have no idea what the hell you are talking about, do you? Sure, you can go ahead and hire a lawyer ($$$) and go to court against our big mean corporate legal team with your outrageous claim. Because even if you do win, you know what you are going to get? $3.50 for the hotdog we promised you on our menu board.

    -The world does not revolve around you. That means, that yes, you DO have to wait in line to get a refill! Outrageous, I know. And that also means that if you are near deaf, we are not going to turn up the volume to the extremes for you and make it unbearable for othe customers. When its the 5th time you have been out complaining about the sound being too low, and we are saying things like "oh, well we have these headphones that allow you to hear it better," we are actually trying to say "HEY DUMBASS, YOU ARE DEAF! PUT ON THE GOD DAMN HEADPHONES AND STOP BOTHERING ME SO I CAN READ MY MAGAZINE (The Onion, Ad Naseum)!"

    -You know how kids will go ask their mom for a cookie, and she says no, so they go and ask their dad hoping he will say yes? Don't you hate that? I do too. So you understand why I will probably kill you in this situation:

    Customer: "I was in the movies last week, and some kids were kicking the back of my chair and talking loudly, and I'm not one who likes to complain, can we get free passes."
    Me: "No."
    Customer: "I want to talk to a manager!"
    Me: "(looks at my suit and tie) I am a manager."
    Customer: "I want to talk to another manager!"
    Me: "They will tell you the same thing."
    Customer: "Then I want to talk to your boss!"
    Me: "Sure, I'll get him for you"
    My Boss: "What can I do for you?"
    Customer: "(explains situation, embellishes story from last time, and makes sure to call me rude."
    My Boss: "No."
    Customer: "Then I want to talk to your boss!"
    This goes on and on until they finally leave with a biting "I'm never coming HERE again!"

    -If you are a scam artist, please do your job right. I would think that scam artists would be smooth and find good holes to exploit, but no, they all have the same intellegence as a doorknob. And not one of those fancy "lockable" ones either. A good example of this is when a family came up to me and claimed that they had bought their tickets, but accidently through them away at McDonalds. At first I was giving them the benefit of the doubt and I asked them what movie it was. The man then took a step back, looked at out marquee, pondered for a second, and said "Matrix, no Brother Bear." After that stunt, I told him NO. He argued with me for awhile to a point where I was going to just let him in, but then his daughter came up and asked "Are we going to be able to watch Looney Tunes?" I told the man to leave after that.

    -And finally, if you do have a complaint that is VALID, I WILL do something about it! Once you have made your point, you don't have to repeat it 5 times! Or insist that you want to watch me carry out the action (like diciplining an employee). But odds are, you don't have a valid complaint, I just have to "pretend" you do.

    Its late, I might add more some other time. Good night.
  2. bassmonkeee


    Sep 13, 2000
    Decatur, GA

    Yawn....you sound like the asshats that I fired when I ran a movie theater for being a punk who thought he was too good to help people.

    Here's my PSA:

    Don't act like anyone owes you anything, and if you don't like your job, then quit. Oh, and don't give me that "I like my job, I just hate my customers" crap, either. Your job is your customers. Period. I wish I knew what theater company you worked for so I could let them know what a sterling example of poo they have running one of their houses.

    Get over yourself. You work at a movie theater.
  3. Pacman

    Pacman Layin' Down Time Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 1, 2000
    Omaha, Nebraska
    Endorsing Artist: Roscoe Guitars, DR Strings, Aguilar Amplification
    Word, bassmonkee.
  4. CAUTION: The following post contains some ironic references which may disturb younger viewers


    It may be true that 90% of customers are Muppets but unfortunately they help pay your salary. Sorry about that.

    PS For the record I enjoyed reading both this and PSA#1... :)
  5. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    jeeez! you guys are rough.

    that was some great writing there. i thought it was funny. yeah, my initial thought was also that sean should seek employment elsewhere as it seems dealing with people is not his his forte, but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt and consider it all harmless venting. right sean?

    i think with a bit of work that post would make a great magazine/fanzine article.
  6. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    hee hee hee... asshat..... ha ha ha ha aha ha ha ha hahahahahahahahahahaha
  7. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    Harsh, as reality often is.

    However, I think Spankbass is just venting, as we all need to do on occasion. Let him vent. My job pisses me off quite often too. I am happy that I do not have customers.
  8. his yelling scares me :bawl: someone hold me, close.
  9. SpankBass...you are my f'ing hero.
  10. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Why do you guys put so much butter on the popcorn?

  11. odie

    odie Supporting Member


    Maybe I can sue for messing up my chlosterol.

    OR how about some free movie passes.:D
  12. Scott D

    Scott D

    Apr 21, 2003
    Minneapolis, MN
    Ah, i work in the food business...

    Every time i'm up front, (working registers, etc...) Customers order drinks with their food. I say "Would you like anything to drink?"
    They reply "Yeah, I'll have a Soda"
    "What Kind?"
    "No-A Soda"
    "No, what kind?"
    "Oh, uh, a ______"
    "What size?"
    "No-A _____."
    "No-What size?"
    "Oh, uh, what sizes do you have?"
    (see, here's the part that ticks me off, about 3 Inches away from my head is a hanging thing showing our different sizes... and really, what other sizes are there but Small, Medium, And Large?)
    "Um... Small... Medium... Large..."
    "How big is the Medium?"
    *Tilts head in direction of sign...*
    "Oh, um... I'll have a Small _____"

    And i really love it when customers get mad at ME Because their pizza is taking too long...
    It's not my fault... does it look like i'm making your Pizza?

    People anger me.
  13. odie

    odie Supporting Member

    what pizza joint you work at??
  14. Wrong Robot

    Wrong Robot Guest

    Apr 8, 2002
    Unleash the rage spank!

  15. Phat Ham

    Phat Ham

    Feb 13, 2000
    This kind of attitude really irks me. Yes, technically it is not your fault that the pizza is taking so long, but you are the representative of your pizza joint that deals with the customer. You don't seriously expect them to get upset at the pizza maker guy, or the oven, or whatever it is that is making it take so long, do you? Customer service is called that becuase you serve the customer.

    The most irritating, annoying, and frustrating thing as a customer is being given the "it's not my fault so I don't care" attitude. The customer service rep is the communication between the company and customer, so anything that goes wrong is your problem and is your responsibility to take care of.
  16. Plucky


    Jun 18, 2002
    ....yeah, but you should know that maybe he is not the one to blame, even if it is his problem because his job is taking calls from whiney turds. one thing is being the guy who puts up with the business' ****, and other is being the guy who toasted your pizza. your problem is his problem, but he might not be guilty.

    btw, i think spank's post shouldn't be taken seriously, he's just like one of those stand-up comedy folks....hey, you could be working as a comedian!
  17. temp5897

    temp5897 Guest

    You know, normally I would chalk his post up to pure whininess but I had a few friends who worked at a movie theater...one of them, one of the smartest guys I've ever known (the guy is incredibly smart). I could not believe the stuff they told me...It turned them into pissed off people. I worked in retail for a few years but the frequency of idiots they had to deal with must have been truly frustrating.

    I give anyone who works at a movie theater the benefit of the doubt when it comes to complaining about customers. I thought Spank's post was funny myself...
  18. Joe Turski

    Joe Turski

    Jul 29, 2003
    Well, it just goes to show you that the general public are morons!!!
  19. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Hey SB.....I got a general question for ya. At my local movie theater, you are given a 10 minute window from the time the movie starts to exit the theater and get your money back if you decide against watching the movie. Is that an industry norm? I always thought it was pretty nice of them. Ours is part of the Regal Cinema chain.