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Pull that thing over!

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Brendan, Jul 2, 2001.


  1. Brendan

    Brendan

    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    ...:D A ressurection of a thread by notduane!...hey, it just needed being done!

    BASS PLAYER OFFENSES

    NAME OF OFFENDER: ___________________________
    INFRACTION DATE: ____________________________

    MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [ ] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [ ] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
    [ ] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [ ] Playing high and fast after mistake $20
    [ ] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
    [ ] Asking for "E" tuning note $25
    [ ] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
    [ ] Playing written-out walking line $50
    [ ] Failure to play written walking line $75
    [ ] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
    [ ] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
    [ ] Playing eighth notes $5 each
    [ ] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
    [ ] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
    [ ] Dragging fast tempo $75
    [ ] Dragging ballad tempo $100
    [ ] Blacking out during ballad $200
    [ ] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
    [ ] Following drummer's tempo $250
    [ ] Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000

    UPRIGHT PLAYERS
    [ ] Showing up before first downbeat $25
    [ ] Playing audibly $25
    [ ] Faking changes $25
    [ ] Slapping $150
    [ ] Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
    [ ] Excessive sweating $25
    [ ] Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
    [ ] Asking leader for a solo $30
    [ ] Accepting solo when offered $50
    [ ] Taking second chorus $100
    [ ] Playing solo arco $400
    [ ] Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
    [ ] Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
    [ ] Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [ ] Checking hair between tunes $15
    [ ] Experimenting with odd meters $25
    [ ] Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
    [ ] Playing with a pick $50
    [ ] Tuning during ballad $30
    [ ] Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
    [ ] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
    [ ] Attempting last word on final chord $50
    [ ] Achieving last word on final chord $100
    [ ] Long gliss down to final note $200

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
    [ ] Forgetting strap $10
    [ ] Changing strings after every set $15
    [ ] Using electric tuner $15
    [ ] Setting up mic "just in case" $75
    [ ] Forgetting to turn amp on $40
    [ ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
    [ ] Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
    [ ] Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
    [ ] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
    [ ] Skull decals on bass $150
    [ ] Bringing fretless bass $500

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [ ] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
    [ ] Asking bone player about their day gig $10
    [ ] Sitting behind drums on break $10
    [ ] Quoting "Birdland" $25
    [ ] Practicing scales during break $25
    [ ] Practicing scales during drum solo $50
    [ ] Practicing $150
    [ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50
    [ ] Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing" $10

    BASIC STUPIDITY
    [ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
    [ ] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
    [ ] Asking when the rock set starts $20
    [ ] Continually asking "where are we?" $25
    [ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
    [ ] Asking bone player where "1" is $50
    [ ] Taking cellphone call during 4's $100
     
  2. notduane

    notduane

    Nov 24, 2000
    Location
    Jeebus! :eek: "Resurrection" is right. This IS old...
    Like, two day jobs ago.

    Boogers! And here I am tryin' to save up for the
    goodies in my sig. Oh well :( ;)

    Isn't JT's Bass-jail overcrowded already...
    what with Sheepy & Merls? :p
     
  3. BASS PLAYER OFFENSES

    NAME OF OFFENDER: Tim " the AllodoX " van Dijk
    INFRACTION DATE: Pretty much every gig / rehearsal

    MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [#] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [#] Playing written-out walking line $50
    [#] Following drummer's tempo $250

    UPRIGHT PLAYERS
    [#] Excessive sweating $25
    [#] Accepting solo when offered $50

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [#] Checking hair between tunes $15
    [#] Playing with a pick $50
    [#] Tuning during ballad $30

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
    [#] Using electric tuner $15
    [#] Setting up mic "just in case" $75
    [#] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [#] Sitting behind drums on break $10
    [#] Practicing scales during break $25
    [#] Practicing $150

    BASIC STUPIDITY
    [#] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
    [#] Taking cellphone call during 4's $100

    Ouch :D
     
  4. I avoided the last trap but they caught me in this one.

    MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [x] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [x] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
    [x] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [x] Playing high and fast after mistake $20
    [x] Asking for "E" tuning note $25
    [x] Playing eighth notes $5 each
    [xxxx] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
    [x] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
    [x] Following drummer's tempo $250 (what was I thinking??!!)

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [x] Experimenting with odd meters $25
    [x] Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
    [x] Tuning during ballad $30
    [x] Attempting last word on final chord $50
    [x] Achieving last word on final chord $100 (Ahhh)


    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
    [x] Using electric tuner $15
    [x] Setting up mic "just in case" $75
    [x] Forgetting to turn amp on $40
    [X] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
    [x] Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
    [x] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
    [x] Bringing fretless bass $500

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [x] Quoting "Birdland" $25
    [x] Practicing scales during break $25
    [x] Practicing $150 (again, what was I thinking?)
     
  5. haha, blacking out during ballad... so true.
     
  6. MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [X] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [X] Playing high and fast after mistake $20
    [X] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
    [X] Playing eighth notes $5 each
    [X] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
    [X] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
    [X] Blacking out during ballad $200 [X] Following drummer's tempo $250

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [X] Checking hair between tunes $15
    [X] Playing with a pick $50
    [X] Long gliss down to final note $200

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC

    [X] Using electric tuner $15
    [X] Setting up mic "just in case" $75



    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE

    [X] Sitting behind drums on break $10
    [X] Practicing scales during break $25
    [X] Practicing scales during drum solo $50
    [X] Practicing $150
    [X] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50

    BASIC STUPIDITY

    [X] Asking when the rock set starts $20
    [X] Continually asking "where are we?" $25
    [X] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25



    not too bad, eh?
     
  7. embellisher

    embellisher Holy Ghost filled Bass Player Staff Member Supporting Member

    BASS PLAYER OFFENSES

    NAME OF OFFENDER: Embellisher
    INFRACTION DATE: 6/2/1979 - 7/10/2001

    MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [x] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [x] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
    [x] Playing high and fast after mistake $20
    [x] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
    [x] Asking for "E" tuning note $25
    [x] Failure to play written walking line $75
    [Too many to count!] Playing eighth notes $5 each
    [At least 1,000,000] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
    [x] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
    [x] Blacking out during ballad $200
    [x] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
    [x] Following drummer's tempo $250


    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [x] Experimenting with odd meters $25
    [x] Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
    [x] Tuning during ballad $30
    [x] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
    [x] Attempting last word on final chord $50
    [x] Achieving last word on final chord $100
    [x] Long gliss down to final note $200

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
    [x] Setting up mic "just in case" $75
    [x] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
    [x] Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
    [x] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
    [x] Bringing fretless bass $500

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [x] Sitting behind drums on break $10
    [x] Quoting "Birdland" $25

    BASIC STUPIDITY
    [x] Asking when the rock set starts $20
    [x] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
    [x] Taking cellphone call during 4's $100

    Dang! Even without the 8th note and 16th note penalties, looks like I owe $2235!:D
     
  8. All of the above. hehehee I will be blamed for everything!

    And yes this padded cell is getting crowded, and Sheepy Scares me, i mean look at my Signature, thats what he whispers to me at night. :eek:

    :D:D

    Merls
     
  9. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    I would be afraid too. :eek:
     
  10. CamMcIntyre

    CamMcIntyre

    Jun 6, 2000
    USA
    BASS PLAYER OFFENSES

    NAME OF OFFENDER: Cam
    INFRACTION DATE: Everyday for the last 3 years {bass just sat there for first year}

    MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [#] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
    [#] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [#] Playing written-out walking line $50
    [#] Failure to play written walking line $75
    [#] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
    [#] Following drummer's tempo $250


    UPRIGHT PLAYERS
    none appliable [don't play upright]

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [# ] Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
    [# ] Playing with a pick $50
    [# ] Tuning during ballad $30
    [# ] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
    [# ] Attempting last word on final chord $50
    [# ] Achieving last word on final chord $100
    [# ] Long gliss down to final note $200

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
    [# ] Using electric tuner $15
    [# ] Forgetting to turn amp on $40
    [# ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
    [#] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
    [# ] Bringing fretless bass $500

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [# ] Practicing $150

    BASIC STUPIDITY
    [# ] Continually asking "where are we?" $25
    [# ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25

    You'll never get me alive :evil laugh: Even if you do i don't have any money :D ;)
     
  11. BASS PLAYER OFFENSES

    NAME OF OFFENDER: PanteraFan
    INFRACTION DATE: 01/01/01-13/7/01

    MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [x] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [x] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [x] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
    [x] Playing written-out walking line $50
    [x] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
    [x] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
    [Hundreds] Playing eighth notes $5 each
    [a few] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
    [x] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
    [x] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
    [x] Following drummer's tempo $250

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [x] Playing with a pick $50

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
    [x] Using electric tuner $15
    [x] Skull decals on bass $150

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [x] Practicing scales during break $25
    [x] Practicing $150

    BASIC STUPIDITY
    NONE

    Around 10500. Just 500 with no 8th notes.
     
  12. BASS PLAYER OFFENSES

    NAME OF OFFENDER:
    Chris Sadlers
    INFRACTION DATE:
    Constantly

    MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [ ] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [ ] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
    [ ] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [ ] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
    [ ] Asking for "E" tuning note $25

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [ ] Experimenting with odd meters $25
    [ ] Tuning during ballad $30
    [ ] Attempting last word on final chord $50
    [ ] Achieving last word on final chord $100

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
    [ ] Using electric tuner $15
    [ ] Setting up mic "just in case" $75
    [ ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
    [ ] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
    [ ] Bringing fretless bass $500

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [ ] Practicing scales during break $25
    [ ] Practicing $150
    [ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50


    BASIC STUPIDITY
    [ ] Continually asking "where are we?" $25
    [ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25

    i think i have done all of the above... sorry everybody, sorry
     
  13. take away the "when i was a guitar player" one... sorry again everybody
     
  14. MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [ ] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [ ] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [ ] Asking for "E" tuning note $25
    [ ] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
    [ ] Playing eighth notes $5 each
    [ ] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
    [ ] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
    [ ] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [ ] Checking hair between tunes $15
    [ ] Playing with a pick $50

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC

    [ ] Using electric tuner $15
    [ ] Forgetting to turn amp on $40
    [ ] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
    [ ] Skull decals on bass $150


    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [ ] Sitting behind drums on break $10
    [ ] Practicing scales during break $25
    [ ] Practicing $150
    [ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50

    BASIC STUPIDITY
    [ ] Continually asking "where are we?" $25
    [ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25


    Ouch...looks like Im gonna be poor for awhile.
     
  15. MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [x] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [x] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
    [x] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [x] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
    [x] Asking for "E" tuning note $25
    [x] Playing eighth notes $5 each
    [x] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
    [x] Following drummer's tempo $250

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [x] Experimenting with odd meters $25
    [x] Playing with a pick $50
    [x] Achieving last word on final chord $100
    [x] Long gliss down to final note $200

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
    [x] Using electric tuner $15
    [x] Forgetting to turn amp on $40
    [x] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [x] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
    [x] Quoting "Birdland" $25
    [x] Practicing scales during break $25
     
  16. BASS PLAYER OFFENSES

    NAME OF OFFENDER:
    Eric Cameron___________
    INFRACTION DATE:
    07-29-01______________

    MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [x] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [x] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
    [x] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [x] Playing high and fast after mistake $20
    [ ] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
    [ ] Asking for "E" tuning note $25
    [ ] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
    [x] Playing written-out walking line $50
    [x] Failure to play written walking line $75
    [x] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
    [x] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
    [x] Playing eighth notes $5 each
    [x] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
    [x] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
    [x] Dragging fast tempo $75
    [x] Dragging ballad tempo $100
    [x] Blacking out during ballad $200
    [x] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
    [x] Following drummer's tempo $250
    [ ] Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000

    UPRIGHT PLAYERS
    [x] Showing up before first downbeat $25
    [x] Playing audibly $25
    [ ] Faking changes $25
    [x] Slapping $150
    [ ] Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
    [x] Excessive sweating $25
    [ ] Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
    [x] Asking leader for a solo $30
    [x] Accepting solo when offered $50
    [ ] Taking second chorus $100
    [ ] Playing solo arco $400
    [ ] Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
    [ ] Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
    [ ] Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [x] Checking hair between tunes $15
    [x] Experimenting with odd meters $25
    [x] Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
    [x] Playing with a pick $50
    [x] Tuning during ballad $30
    [x] Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
    [x] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
    [x] Attempting last word on final chord $50
    [x] Achieving last word on final chord $100
    [x] Long gliss down to final note $200

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
    [x] Forgetting strap $10
    [ ] Changing strings after every set $15
    [x] Using electric tuner $15
    [x] Setting up mic "just in case" $75
    [x] Forgetting to turn amp on $40
    [x] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
    [x] Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
    [x] Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
    [x] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
    [x] Skull decals on bass $150
    [x] Bringing fretless bass $500

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [ ] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
    [ ] Asking bone player about their day gig $10
    [x] Sitting behind drums on break $10
    [ ] Quoting "Birdland" $25
    [x] Practicing scales during break $25
    [x] Practicing scales during drum solo $50
    [x] Practicing $150
    [ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50
    [ ] Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing" $10

    BASIC STUPIDITY
    [ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
    [x] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
    [x] Asking when the rock set starts $20
    [x] Continually asking "where are we?" $25
    [x] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
    [ ] Asking bone player where "1" is $50
    [ ] Taking cellphone call during 4's $100

    Total: $3787 and immeadiate dissmissal.

    Damn!:D

    Rock on
    Eric
     
  17. BASS PLAYER OFFENSES

    NAME OF OFFENDER: Steve Swyers

    MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [x] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [ ] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
    [ ] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [ ] Playing high and fast after mistake $20
    [x] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
    [x] Asking for "E" tuning note $25
    [ ] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
    [x] Playing written-out walking line $50
    [x] Failure to play written walking line $75
    [x] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
    [ ] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
    [x] Playing eighth notes $5 each
    [ ] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
    [ ] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
    [x] Dragging fast tempo $75
    [x] Dragging ballad tempo $100
    [ ] Blacking out during ballad $200
    [x] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
    [ ] Following drummer's tempo $250
    [ ] Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000
    [ ] Checking hair between tunes $15
    [x] Experimenting with odd meters $25
    [x] Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
    [x] Playing with a pick $50 (only occasional! :D)
    [ ] Tuning during ballad $30
    [ ] Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
    [ ] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
    [ ] Attempting last word on final chord $50
    [ ] Achieving last word on final chord $100
    [ ] Long gliss down to final note $200
    [x] Forgetting strap $10
    [ ] Changing strings after every set $15
    [x] Using electric tuner $15
    [ ] Setting up mic "just in case" $75
    [ ] Forgetting to turn amp on $40
    [ ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
    [ ] Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
    [ ] Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
    [x] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
    [ ] Skull decals on bass $150
    [x] Bringing fretless bass $500
    [ ] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
    [ ] Asking bone player about their day gig $10
    [ ] Sitting behind drums on break $10
    [ ] Quoting "Birdland" $25
    [x] Practicing scales during break $25
    [ ] Practicing scales during drum solo $50
    [x] Practicing $150
    [x] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50
    [ ] Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing" $10
    [ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
    [ ] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
    [ ] Asking when the rock set starts $20
    [ ] Continually asking "where are we?" $25
    [ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
    [ ] Asking bone player where "1" is $50
    [ ] Taking cellphone call during 4's $100

    Cost: $1425 (I think, my brain doesn't function during summer) :eek: