Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by peaveyfury, Jan 23, 2003.
If you have a qoute, funny or serious, post it here.
The following are all qoutes by Jack Handey that I just had to share.
When I saw the old bum pushing his grocery cart down the street, at first I felt sorry for him. But then when I saw what was in his cart I thought, Well, no wonder you're a bum, look at the dumb things you bought.
As I felt the soft cool mud squish between my toes, I thought, Man, these are not very good shoes!
I think the most beautiful sunset I ever saw was on page 4 and 5 of The Book of Sunsets.
When you're ten years old, and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again.
And last but not least...
With every new sunrise, there is a new chance. But with every sunset, you blew it.
"Women! Was it a mistake, or did He do it to us on purpose?" - guess who.
"I know I promised to turn over a new leaf, and I will.....as soon as I get to the bottom of this page!" - Oscar Wilde (draw your own conclusion)
Time that you enjoyed wasting was not wasted.-John Lennon
Our Deepest Fear
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous ? Actually, who are you not to be ? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. You are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within you. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
--- Attributed to Nelson Mandella
"Most people, sometime in their lives, stumble across truth. And most jump up, brush themselves off and hurry on about their business as if nothing happened."
Sir Winston Churchill
I can't remember the words, but my next favorite one is when this women said "If you were my husband, i would poison your drink!" and he said (churchill) "Mam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it"
But the first is my favorite.
"Be excellent to each other" -Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
Party on dudes!-ted
man, i love that part of the movie!
trying is the first step towards failure-homer simpson
i think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver. but he's so busy, you'd probably have to run right up to him, and give it to him real quick-jack handy
oh yeah; see my sig for a quote.
your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberry - the french taunter (monty python's holy grail)
The mind is like a parachute...It works better when it's open. Charlie Chan
Also, from my current sig....
Interviewer: Do you think this administration will ever forgive the people behind 9/11?
Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf: Only God can forgive. Our job is to arrange the meeting.
If God meant for us to be vegetarians, why are animals made out of meat? Munjibunga
A symphony review:
Detroit Played Brahms last night.
The second quote was with Jane Astor, I believe.
"Our job is to give our ememies every opportunity to die for their country."
Thats what i was thinking, but was not to sure.
in the same nature:
"It's no my job to die for my country. It's to make the enemy die for theirs."
"if life wasn't hard it wouldn't be called life, it would be called easy." - my cousin
i have more at home...
"Everything's stolen these days. Why, the fax machine is just a waffle iron with a phone attached."
if you're ever falling off of the empire state building, you should just go real limp, so you'll look like a dummy, and maybe someone will try to catch you because hey, free dummy.