Quitting a band sucks

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by smartinson, May 6, 2019.

  1. smartinson


    Dec 15, 2005
    Longmont, CO
    I've been in a band for almost a year now. They had fired their old bassist and brought me on to replace him for a show two weeks after they fired him. I filled in and it was good so I stayed on since then. It was fun, I was having a good time and was able to overlook little things. No biggie.

    Their sound guy clearly didn't like me, I think because I pushed back a little at his suggestions? Not sure, but after that, after every show he always had a problem with my setup. Noisy, too much bass, too much treble, too much compression, etc... He pushed me too far and now I've resigned. I'm very sad about it because it was fun and music is my passion but I told myself I'd quit as soon as it wasn't fun. I'm mad at them, too, for ruining something I love.

    I know it's best for my mental health but I'm still sad and mad about it. I just needed to vent this out to others that can hopefully relate. Thanks for listening.
  2. Gorn


    Dec 15, 2011
    Queens, NY
    You're sure it's their fault and not yours?
    BwanaDust, gorneyg, Vooter and 3 others like this.
  3. JRA

    JRA my words = opinion Gold Supporting Member

    you're welcome. lots of us can relate, i'm sure.

    sad/mad is to be expected. it doesn't make any difference how 'fault' lines up. fortunately, in situations like this: it doesn't last too long, especially if you work on 'letting go'. e.g., run all the different images/scenarios/memories and those emotions through your system a hundred thousand times --- make a commitment to do that --- and sooner or later some other situation will command your attention and you'll be too bored with the 'quitting script' to want to continue sad/mad. good luck! :thumbsup:


    have a really good dream! kill the soundman in an epic struggle. (just don't go into that cave.) ;)
    Frankie Fender and smartinson like this.
  4. micguy


    May 17, 2011
    You're a bassist. Assuming you're competent, you shouldn't have too much trouble finding another gig. If you want to feel bad about something, don't feel bad for yourself. Feel bad for all the guitarists that can't find bands to play with - there's lot more of them than there are of us.
  5. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    Seems like an odd reason to quit a band. I would just have nodded, smiled, and walked away (from the soundman, not the band).
    gorneyg, bassboysam, Neo1 and 5 others like this.
  6. bikeplate

    bikeplate Supporting Member

    Jun 7, 2001
    Upstate NY
    Quitting a band doesnt always suck. In fact a couple times it felt amazing to wave goodbye
  7. StyleOverShow

    StyleOverShow Still Playing After All These Years Gold Supporting Member

    May 3, 2008
    It’s never perfect and we all overlook things like persistent issues with players and support people, or our own issues. For many musicians criticism is often taken as an assessment of our being. It’s not.

    There may be a period of reassessment as the band reviews it’s position with and without you. If they reach out be open to discussion, relate your passion for the group and your dissatisfaction with the underlying criticism(s).

    Whatever, there is another Skywalker out there.......
    lizardking837, BOOG and Bunk McNulty like this.
  8. HubbardsFate


    Oct 18, 2006
    Did the band have a problem with your setup/sound? Because if not, they should have stepped up on your behalf and told the soundman to get bent...:cautious: (or was/is the soundman also a band member?)
    pcake, Duder, IamGroot and 2 others like this.
  9. What was the initial issue you had with the sound guy that caused you to push back?

    Was the rest of the band aware you were having a conflict with the sound guy?

    What is the relationship between the sound guy and the rest of the band?
  10. smartinson


    Dec 15, 2005
    Longmont, CO
    Admittedly I had never been in a band with a sound guy before so I didn't know how to set everything correctly. The push back from me came from him telling me which pedals I was 'allowed' and 'not allowed' to use. Basically no overdrive or anything like that. I was told that all distortion comes from the guitar and that bass has to be clean. So I did remove that from my chain. Then I was told I couldn't use compression so I just disabled that, then no more chorus, etc..

    No, I don't think so. They're mostly confrontation adverse and not aware of their surroundings. He's been with them far longer than me so I kinda get why they wouldn't say anything about his attitude. Personally, he just seemed to suck all the fun out of playing music and that's why I quit.
    pcake, BassWaffle, getrhythm and 4 others like this.
  11. Ok then, did you let the rest of the band know why you were leaving?
    pcake and Nevada Pete like this.
  12. smartinson


    Dec 15, 2005
    Longmont, CO
    Not yet, that's tonight at rehearsal before we get started. They have a gig in 2 weeks so I'm going to offer to play that so to not leave 'em hanging but I don't know how they'll react. It will be interesting to say the least.
    Duder and CyberSnyder like this.
  13. DeathSlanger


    Nov 17, 2018
    I’m surprised you had any fun in that stifling band. If no one talks about problems, well, that usually ends up a lot less fun than a few uncomfortable discussions.
    Nevada Pete, smogg and Keger Jupit like this.
  14. gln1955

    gln1955 Supporting Member

    Aug 25, 2014
    Ohio, USA
    Does this band have a band leader and you're hired on, or is it more or less a band of equals? If there is a BL, you should have a direct talk with that person to air your grievances. If the BL says tough beans, you know where you stand and should probably move on. If its a band of equals, call a meeting to discuss the situation and see how everyone feels about the sound tech. If they see your POV, y'all can tell the sounds tech he is not "He who must be obeyed".
  15. jthisdell


    Jun 12, 2014
    Roanoke, VA
    No compression on bass? That is not much of a sound guy.
    pcake, Indexed, BassWaffle and 13 others like this.
  16. Stewie


    Jul 3, 2013
    Near Boston
    Wait a minute, no pedals makes your setup easier. Be the duck! let it roll off your back. You can live a productive and happy life without effects pedals. Spend the money you sell them for on a wireless, then go out front and listen. Tell the "sound guy" that he can't mix for beans, then kick the chair out from under him. Trust me, you'll feel much better.

    ...and you'll still be in a cool band
  17. Ross W. Lovell

    Ross W. Lovell

    Oct 31, 2015

    I probably would have talked to the band and explained the situation.

    Just wonder if he was the old bass player's friend and he's working his loyalty.
  18. Hand slap

    Hand slap

    Feb 14, 2016
    I hear a lot about competent bass players being able to find gigs, I consider my self competent, AND I always have a gig, if I want. BUT, I know of MANY bass players, far better then me, where I live, that really don’t play out much, I am not certain if that is by their design or not, some for sure I know want to play more. My point there are far more good players available, then there are gigs, in my area anyways.
  19. mrcbass


    Jan 14, 2016
    Sacramento, CA
    I know we all have different buttons, but this wouldn't have bothered me. I would have gone out front to listen to what he was doing - maybe he's right and you just can't hear it from stage. I'm personally kind of on board with a clean bass sound when the guitars are fuzzy. I did my spin with the pedal board thing and I always just kept coming back to simpler/cleaner is better - all the toy sounds tend to get lost in the mix of a full band setting anyway - but I digress.

    But if bugged you and you're moving on. Yes it sucks. I'm getting close to walking from my working cover band because I just don't like the way the BL runs things. Lots of little bits of stupidity. But it's hard to walk away from the bird in the hand - opportunities are just all that available here (at least not that I can find), so I'm being much more patient than I should be. I really want to rage quit this guy...
  20. Joedog


    Jan 28, 2010
    Pensacola FL
    I'm confused. Are you not going through the FOH?
    mdogs and Element Zero like this.