Quitting the band?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by socalpyropunk, Jan 21, 2006.

  1. Well a really sad time in my life has come......time to quit my band, we started in highschool ,just some guys ****ing around all into the same punk music, won a battle of the bands our first show after we wrote some songs, a couple ****ty albums, 5 years, only one replaced guitarist, one additional guitarist, multiple tours and countless shows...I think I gotta leave the band.

    This flat out sucks. There are 3 MAJOR things in my life, my career(owner of a tech company insanely busy, love it), my gf, the one I could very well be spending my life with, and my band, 5 years dedication and love, hard time good time, and lately the BEST and toughest times.

    Just recently everything has been falling into place, we are scheduleing shows with all the bands we grew up on, hell in the past year we played with Pennywise, Authority Zero, Pully, Suicide Machines(next weekend) Deisel Boy, The Stiches, DI..............nevermind listing them. This summer we toured our coast and AZ and Vegas for the second time. We played 5 dates on the Warped Tour side stages the last couple years.

    We are in Stall #2 working with Darian Rundell working on our new album on Felony Records and we should have national distrobution when its done. We just booked a 2 and a half week European tour with my all time favorite band, Good Riddance as their main support. We have more and more shows being booked, its getting crazy. We get a new show and its like oh we have to go out of state next week on thursday. this week I've worked everyday and driving a couple hours in traffic to the studio to work on the album then home by around 12. getting worn out, not seeing my gf at all, seriously cutting out a lot of time I need to be working. Its geting to be too much. Pissing off both my partners, business, and gf.

    With talk of getting a bus for warped tour this summer its is completely too much for me now and I hate to let it go. I can't keep doing this if I want to keep the job and the girl. Between the 3 the bands gotta go. I've decided then after we get back from Europe I'm gonna find a replacement for myself, hopefully find one before we leave and introduce him after we get back.

    I havn't told anyone in the band yet, not sure when to or how to. I don't want to leave on hard feelings. hell, don't want to leave at all but I'm just gonna hold the band back if I stick around now and thats something I don't want to do either.

    Sorry for this stupidly long post, I've just been thinking over this like crazy lately and it hits me hard. Sitting in the studio tonight without much ambition towards the recording because I just kept thinking about what was coming up while everyone else was talking about all the planned shows and tours.

    Any of you guys deal with this? Whats the best way to go about with it? how did you handle it?

    Ok I'm done whining, and rambling. If you read this entire thing then, well, thank you. good night.

    on a similar note. Any punk bassist in the socal area looking for a band? haha
  2. Hrmm... I havent had to quit a band, but i can imagine how tough it would be. 2 options...

    1) let them down easy, tell them you just cant keep up with it, and where your priorities are. They will understand.

    2) on your european tour, be the most badass rock'n'roll mofo you can, take some drugs, get piss drunk every night and get kicked out the band rockstar nick oleviri way.

    Are you sure you HAVE to leave aswell?.. I mean, with all this coverage and exciting things happening for you, will you be pissed when in 6 months you see your old band getting major attention, radio play, etc. Not saying it will happen, but it could be a possibilty of getting payed to do what you love. And you get to keep your girl. Its a risk, but is it worth it?....

  3. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Retired Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    In my life, the priorities are: Family, career, band. Everything has to fit in that framework. For instance, I joined a new band a few months ago, telling them up front that weekends are a bad time to practive for me because I need to spend the time with my daughter and wife. So every practice but one was on a Saturday or Sunday. I had to quit.

    While your family consists right now of your girlfriend, you need to start thinking about how fair ir would be to her if the band was getting more of your time than she is. This will become an increasingly pressing issue.

    Why don't you find another band with less ambitious goals? You stand to lose a lot on the relationship career side if you put the band at top priority. Maybe concentrate on your business to gain wealth and the flexibility that comes with it. Music isn't going away any time soon, and you can play it into your 60s and beyond. Hell, you can play it even after you die (ask Keith).
  4. SteveC

    SteveC Moderator Staff Member


    If you don't have a family, then it's career and band. If you don't have a family or career, then it can be band. Family has to come first. Unfortunately these days, it often doesn't and society is paying the price.
  5. I Went thru the same situation. Im not getting any younger and I didn't want to be 30 years old still living with mom. So time to get the career back on track. Which has always been fitness to me.
  6. exactly, I recently bacame a partner in my company, not bad for being 22, its work that I love with a lot of potential, I got really busy with that but the gf understood that because it was beneficial for our future, that piled with the band now mean I literally have to bail on something else just to see her and its not cool. I've told her the next two months will be tough but that I'm quitting afterwards. Sure we could get paid but in seriosness, there isn't much money to be made in our genre, enough to live off of but thats about it.

    I do plan to continue to play and later find another starting band. It just hurts to leave a band that has come so far together, but I gotta do what I gotta do. thanks guys.

    and about the getting kicked out, I'm the only member of the band that has never touched a sig or any dugs, besides alcohol. They would probably love it for me to party it up like that..haha

    I also think I've found a replacement, I younger buddy of mine that rips at any instrument and bass is his preference, he is MUCH better than me and would compliment out new lead guitarist very well so I guess its for the best, wish I made the change before recording now, oh well.
  7. Tingly


    Jul 16, 2005
    Yonkers, NY
    No, no experience with the difficult situation you face. Only you know what's best for you. But that's a sad story. You have my sympathy.
  8. Well I spoke with my singer tonight, told him of my plans. I've been delaying telling him but it went better than expected. He took it alright, especially since I'm not just like dropping them without a bassist and stayin on good terms, we are all such good friends that it sohuld go alright. I guess they had been talking about me anyway because I've been geting VERY busy with work more and more lately and they were wondering what that was going to do in thefuture. Said they definatly weren't expecting anything this soon. We are going to meet with the guy that I have lined up to take my place.

    He wants to keep it a secret from the other guys in the band until we get to Europe. we leave for europe in a week and that will be my last Hurrah. I guess its a good way to go out, still sucks and I'm gonna miss it terribly.

    The guy taking my place is an increduble musician, just a very broke one, haha, he only has a double bass right now, so I am loaning him my old 5 string and my mesa rig till he can buy the bass off me and probably by my old ampeg 410HE(if I can find it, got lost during my drummers move out of his old house).
  9. Hey man, I left a band when we we on the verge of getting signed, but priorities are just that and I knew I wanted something different out of life. The band life gets very intense and I don't think I am built for it. I've never been a real big fan of touring and there are too many distractions that take away from the music.

    I still play today, but not to the degree as in the past and I am satisfied with the way everything has worked out. I hope it works out for you as well.

    Good luck!
  10. Whatever feels rite..
  11. Dkerwood


    Aug 5, 2005
    I feel your pain, man. I've had to turn down a couple of big opportunities because school or work was a bigger priority.

    Here's something to consider, though. Every band breaks up. The ride WILL end. The key is to simply enjoy every moment of it. I mean, heck, you're touring EUROPE! How cool is that? Warped Tour? Playing with your favorite bands? Dude, I envy you. Have fun, and when it's over, write down all your experiences to share with your future kids.

    And THEN, rock on! You get to start it all over again! From the beginning, but this time with the knowledge of a seasoned pro.
  12. Kronos


    Dec 28, 2005
    Philadelphia, PA
    Are you looking at money from the band? Do you think you'd make enough money for both you and your girl? If so, you could take her with you.........some bands do this...I know I would with a faithful girl...
  13. This is all great advice and I could never go against having one's priorities in the right place.

    That said, just to be different.... I'll point out that this could be a once in a lifetime type of thing that bears the potential for you to regret this decision for the rest of your life.

    But frankly, you have a pretty enviable problem. Sounds like you have great options and a good handle on your personal and professional goals. I'm pretty sure you won't regret your decision whatever you do.
  14. ya thanks guys, I'm dead set on my choice, I know my company will provide a better future and if somehow the band makes millions well then that sucks and oh well I wish them the best and will remain friends with them. Hell, I'll probably keep handling all the web work for them since they are all website illiterate for the most part. haha.

    And no the band does not make enough money to support me and the girl..also, situations like Europe, there isn't enough room on the bus for the girl, plus when I get back I'm gettin my own place and shes moving in with me so Europe will be a nice breather before we live together, a good "Last Hurrah" with the guys and the band.

    I actually think I'll start playing and progressing my skills more afterwards. I admittedly have not progressed all that much the last couple years because I've been in school, running a company, keeping a gf, and playing in the band. I never played much outside of the band at all. Now being done with school, that wont be a problem, living with the gf will mean I'm not going to have to go out of my way to make time for her, and I'll be right down the street from my office so I'll have tons more time to relax and jam on the bass and learn new things, something I've been wanting to do. MAke the best of it, I've already got a bunch of people that just want to jam and mess around, I think I might even enjoy the relaxed situation more.
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