<rant> My Father...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by UnsungZeros, Jul 29, 2005.

  1. UnsungZeros

    UnsungZeros The only winning move is not to play.

    is crazy.

    So I was getting dressed for work today and then my dad knocks on my bedroom door telling me to hurry up. He drives me to work everyday, but I don't understand what his problem is because we were running early at the time. So, I tell him ok, but he keeps pounding on my door like a maniac. So I finish getting dressed and come out and tell him, "Pounding on my door isn't going to get us there any faster."

    Then he just explodes. He backs me into a corner screaming in my face about my "attitude" with many expletives that I'll leave out for TB. Then he starts yelling at me about how he's not going to pay for my college with that "attitude" and that I'm an ungrateful SOB and that I should just get good grades (I have a 4.7 GPA, so I again fail to see his problem) and obey him completely. Then he pushes me into the wall telling me F You. So I push him back to get him off of me and I escape to the side and head out the back door into the backyard.

    I stay outside for a couple of minutes and then I hear the car starting. He leaves without me, leaving me stranded at home with no way to get to work. Although, I do think at that point I wouldn't have accepted a ride with him after that.

    All of this is coming out of the blue mind you. We haven't had a previous altercation like this in years and that was for a reason. This seemed just plain stupid. I know he's been under a lot of stress at work and he was abused as a kid, but that doesn't justify his behavior.

    I called my mom and she's going to pick me up to take me to work during her lunch break. I'm so pissed right now. Arghhh...

  2. Time Divider

    Time Divider Guest

    Apr 7, 2005
    Your dad works hard to provide you with a roof over your head and food in your stomach. Maybe he's the type who suppresses things until they explode. Have you tried talking to him about his problems when he's in a calmer moment?

    Remember, if he didn't love you, you wouldn't be there. Maybe he's under some pressure himself. It might not hurt to turn the tables and ask him if he'd like to talk about it. Right now, you are his verbal punching bag. Don't try to talk to him when he's pissed, however. Wait until he's settled down.
  3. zac2944

    zac2944 Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2004
    Rochester, NY
    Damn dude, sorry to hear about the altercation. My father was like that a lot, I know how much it can suck. I ended up taking out a sh1t load of loans when I went to college and worked a lot so that I could live there. I ran away from the situation, you should try to fix it if you can. Talk to the man. Good luck.
  4. DaveDeVille

    DaveDeVille ... you talkin' to me ?? Supporting Member

    excellent post , great advice ...
  5. I feel for you, mate, and i'm sorry you are going through this.

    I agree with all the advice above.

  6. UnsungZeros

    UnsungZeros The only winning move is not to play.

    Thanks guys. I realize that underneath, he still loves me and I still love him. It would take a lot more (I can't think of what would though) to break our love.

    I've already planned out a discussion for when he comes home (assuming that he's not still steaming). A mutual reconciliation with apologies from both sides. He's a stubborn man so I the only way for peace is for me to offer it.
  7. Time Divider

    Time Divider Guest

    Apr 7, 2005
    Really surprise the hell out of him. When you're done talking, give him a big hug and tell him how much you love and appreciate him.
  8. sorry to hear about that altercation. i'm sure everything will work out alright. he is probably thinking about it more than you are.

    where do you go to school though? and where did you go to high school? just wondering since i'm from the area.
  9. UnsungZeros

    UnsungZeros The only winning move is not to play.

    I'm still in high school. I go to Plantation High. I'm probably going to end up at either UF or UCF.
  10. I'm the kind of parent who doesn't believe in burdening my kids with my job and work pressures. But I hold strong negative emotions in anyway. I can well imagine that your father could be under extreme pressure at work and getting there on time, or even early, today could be crucial. Neither you nor I know for sure, but since this is unusual behavior, something different is going on. If I were your father I would appreciate being asked what I thought you could do to make things work easier around the house. You might not get a useful answer, but I suspect the question would be appreciated. Since you are in college, there isn't much he can do to improve the "raising" he has already done. And he can't control you, only you can do that. As long as you depending on him for support though, you will need to obey his rules. When you are supporting yourself, you can make your own rules.
  11. I guess you're not in college yet. I took a long time with that post due to several interruptions. The advice still holds though. Good luck.
  12. tplyons


    Apr 6, 2003
    Madison, NJ
    Excellent advice. I had one of these altercations only a few days ago, and was the first time I had to keep my old man in a headlock 'til he calmed down. The next day we talked about it and we're buddy/buddy again.

    Just take time to cool off, and then talk about it. Hugs help a lot too.
  13. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Lacey, WA
    Yowsah!! I would never be aggressive like that with either of my parents. Then again, my father would never do anything to make me have to put him in a headlock.

    Let it go with your pop. The fact that this never happens indicates that something heavy is going on with him right now. I suspect he'll be the one apologizing to you as well this afternoon when you are both home. My dad was never a big "I'm sorry" guy, but when he did something to upset me, he always found a way to let me know he felt bad about what he did. Maybe an unplanned fishing trip, round of golf, something like that.

  14. The key here it to let your dad know that you are not his proverbial punching bag for his frustrations. You're getting to the age where you'll soon be an adult...tell your dad that you deserve respect.

    I went through a similar situation - but when my older brother, not my dad.
  15. Don't try to understand your father; parents often do things that don't make sense at all. There's no point in trying to analyze or rationalize.
  16. UnsungZeros

    UnsungZeros The only winning move is not to play.

    He came home and he's still pissed. He told me to get out of his face when he walked in and I hadn't even said anything to him yet. I complied and went to my room. I know that there's something going on beneath this that is driving him to this, yet I don't know what. I'm going to wait until to tomorrow to talk to him to let him sleep on it and maybe come to his senses.
  17. Joey3313


    Nov 28, 2003
    GPA goes up to 4, I fail to see how you have a 4.7 Mr. Attitude.

  18. UnsungZeros

    UnsungZeros The only winning move is not to play.

    Perhaps you don't have weights in Canada.

    Down here, we have two GPAs, unweighted and weighted. Weighted GPAs carry extra points for honors and AP classes by assigning one extra point to an honors class and two to an AP class. This rewards students for taking challenging courses instead of just having an excellent GPA in courses for dummies. So an A for an honors class would be worth 5 points and an A for an AP class would be 6 points. The extra points are only given for C's or higher, so if one fails an honors course, it still counts as a 0. So my weighted cumulative GPA is 4.7.

    Unweighted GPAs don't carry those extra points, just your standard 0-4. My unweighted cumulative GPA is 3.8 or 3.9, I have to check.
  19. Steve


    Aug 10, 2001
    is there any chance you have a skeleton in your closet that he may have found out about and is having trouble dealing with?

    Bag of weed...some gay porn (not that there's anything wrong with that...) whatever....Got an enemy that maybe called him with some dirt or lies? Scratch the car...return it with an empty gas tank...did he find a bra under the seat...did your mom find a bra under the seat and blame it on him....

    And..if your grades are that good..he probably wont need to pay for your college. You'll get some kind of scholarship. And way to go for that.
  20. UnsungZeros

    UnsungZeros The only winning move is not to play.

    No skeletons. Not on my side. Not that I'm aware of. I've never smoked weed in my life and I'm not gay. I don't have any dirt that he isn't already aware of. I haven't damaged his car or any of his property. I don't really have any enemies either. There are people I dislike, but I don't have any real enemies that would try to smear me.

    I pretty sure it's something else. Something he's been bottling up inside. He's the type that doesn't like to show his emotions and keeps everything inside. I'm also kind of that way, but I've been making progress away from that destructive way. I'm his outlet for his frustrations. I came to realize this about 5 years back when his mother was dying from cancer (don't smoke kids). He exploded at everyone in the family for seemingly stupid reasons. Since then though he's been fine though. I'm confident that there's something else really bothering him.