Rate my lyrics

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Earthday, Dec 20, 2005.

  1. Earthday


    Sep 22, 2005
    New Hampshire
    In a little brown barn
    On a little brown hill
    There's Sam the Gardener
    And the land he loves to till

    Color like carnivals
    Shines into his eyes
    Of delicious fruits And vegetables
    The springtime's great surprise

    He talks with cheerful tomatoes
    And tries to hide his movement
    From the open eyed potato
    Whose vision needs improvement

    He rides a cucumber submarine
    To a carrot rocket ship
    That's powered by two tangerines
    And a 44 ton turnip

    There's two lions on board
    With lettuce frayed manes
    And corn stalk legs
    And celery veins
    With cabbage patch brains
    Grown so large due to rain

    But they just can't feel Sam's pain
    He'll never return to his farm again
  2. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    Best Song Ever.

    What type of music dop you hear with these lyrics, I really need to imagine this as a whole.
  3. Dkerwood


    Aug 5, 2005
    Nice poetic imagery.

    I'm missing a chorus or an obvious recurring cadence, but neither is necessary, really...

    Also, I am missing the point of the song, I think. Why isn't he returning to his farm/garden? Is he getting old, evidenced by the "hidden movement" and eyesight needing "improvement"? You could also be eluding to this with the "frayed" lettuce manes and thin "corn stalk legs" and celery "veins"...

    Is he going crazy? He is seeing submarines (on a brown hill) and rockets, not to mention living vegetables and veggie animals... perhaps he's off to an institution?

    My only suggestion would be to unify where the song is going, and that's really only my opinion. I would give the same suggestion to Led Zeppelin, but I think they did pretty well without my help. :)
  4. JimmyM

    JimmyM Supporting Member

    Apr 11, 2005
    Apopka, FL
    Endorsing: Ampeg Amps, EMG Pickups
  5. spectorbass83


    Jun 6, 2005
    This reminds me of something The Beatles wrote during their days of tripping on Acid...something like Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds/Strawberry Fields
  6. Blackbird

    Blackbird Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 18, 2000
    I could see Ringo singing that.

    That means it's good.
  7. Nah, I clearly see Les singing that one.
  8. Earthday


    Sep 22, 2005
    New Hampshire
    Funny how as I wrote that I was listening to the White Album. The influence definately shows I guess.

    And the song originally contained a chorusy part which talked about Sam going insane. I could see how it would be a little unclear without it, but it just didn't fit, and to me its a good time of unclarity.
  9. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    I think you made the right call there. I would love to hear this if you ever rocord it.