1. Please take 30 seconds to register your free account to remove most ads, post topics, make friends, earn reward points at our store, and more!  
    TalkBass.com has been uniting the low end since 1998.  Join us! :)

relationship advice required...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Microbass, Dec 25, 2004.

  1. OK. heres the background. for he past weeek ive been hanging with this girl, and i found out on thursday she "likes me". On monday I told her how i felt.
    however, shes in a fairly serious relationship, but i can tell shes been wanting to be with me, as shes told me so in so many words (eg "yeh it has been great fun and so new").

    the main problem? her BF used to be a fairly decent friend of mine.

    to me, i know he wouldnt mind to much, as in the past he hasnt worried much about losing a girl, but i think this particuler girl would affect him. at that, id always thought i would be a friend, than selfish...

    on the pro, im not great friends with her BF anymore, and he is one of the main reasons i stopped hangign with that group of friends...

    i dunno. should i chase this girkl some more, and see what happens? or shoulod i be more of a "frind" and stop beig flirty, etc.

    n.b.: id never let her cheat on him, with me.

    :meh: :help:
  2. 5stringDNA


    Oct 10, 2002
    Englewood, CO
    I've had very little dealigns with women due to my somewhat eccentric behaviour, but I'd just wait it out and see if something happens... If she doesn't really dig the guy they will break up eventually, right?
  3. Jiro


    Mar 15, 2004
    So much conflict.
  4. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    Well, if she would do something like this to that guy, she'd do the same to you later on.
  5. buzzbass

    buzzbass Shoo Shoo Retarded Flu !

    Apr 23, 2003
    You're a very wise man. that is food for thought.
  6. Toasted


    May 26, 2003
    Leeds, UK
    I'd go with Mike Money.
  7. Ty McNeely

    Ty McNeely

    Mar 27, 2000
    I disagree with Mike.

    Just because a girl doesn't have the feelings for a person that she thought she did does not mean that she's going to cross a guy later on down the road.
  8. Well, keep it at. Just in case.

    Just like Lemmy says "Sometimes the chase is better than the catch". I'm pretty sure it's along those lines.
  9. Ty McNeely

    Ty McNeely

    Mar 27, 2000
    The chase is always good.

    He should definitely NOT pursue her in my opinion. To pursue her completely ruins his friendship with the other fellow. He should continue at the pace he is at without pursuing her. If she has feelings for him, the feelings for him will overcome the feelings for the other guy and things will work out in the end.
  10. Two very important issues brought up here. It is true that if she has feelings for you while in a relationship and even consider being with you, morally she would have no qualms to do the same to you. Secondly, you need to find out whether it is the chase that she's enjoying with you (ie. the fact that she "can't have you" because she's taken and whatnot) or whether she truly wants to have a relationship with you. You can't and will never establish the first dilemma and whether you're just "special" until she does it again. The second issue you can solve by waiting around a little while longer to see if her feelings fade.

    On a side note, I'm currently dating a girl a former friend of mine once dated. Long story short, they broke up and I tried to help him out. He broke a promise with me and told her that I'd been telling him all this stuff about her that she'd told me in an attempt to make himself look good and make me look bad. In the end it didn't matter, she wanted me and we've been together for the past 4 years. He did try to fight me a couple years back and got smacked, but thats irrelevant!

  11. FenderHotRod


    Sep 1, 2004
    Man we didn't have message boards for this kind of stuff when I was growing up. It may of saved me a lot of trouble. In your profile it looks like your about 16 or 17. So no matter what kind of advise you get it's not going to do you any good. When that girl flashes that smile or the touch on your shoulder or wherever your not going to be thinking with the wright hea..... umm...brain anyway. Don't worry you have no control over it(your a guy). :bag:

    Good Luck.... :smug:
  12. Talk about horrible, sexist and ridiculous advice! :rollno: Not everyone is so pathetically shallow that a flash of anything will suddenly make all sense go out the window. AFAIC, too many guys use their penises as an excuse for behaving the way they do. You choose the behaviour, you choose the consequences. End of story.

  13. dls59

    dls59 Supporting Member

    Pretty good viewpoint for one so young, grasshopper. You'll go far in life with that kind of thinking. :)
  14. the Qintar

    the Qintar

    Jul 24, 2000
    dont get all bent out of shape there cupcake. the advice given by "hotrod" isnt all that far off. i myself have had women quit jobs, leave families, and move halfway across the country just to be with yours truly...and sometimes this was sparked by something as simple as a wink of the eye or minimal physical contact. when something is irresistable, its simply that - irresistable.

    regards "wild eagle"
  15. Edwcdc

    Edwcdc I call shotgun!

    Jul 21, 2003
    Columbia MD USA
    Hit it.
  16. FenderHotRod


    Sep 1, 2004
    :) lol...chill out dude. It was written just for fun. I'm older now so and married. I'm just happy I don't have to go threw that anymore. I know where he is coming from been there a few times. And it's never easy.

    That's how I got my first subscription to downbeat mag. Was a cute girl from out of town selling magazines for some kind of trip or something. She smiled at me and I forgot my name.
    Man she was so cute to Blonde hair and freckles and i was around 17 and im 31 now. For some strange reason tho i still rember her and i only saw her once.
  17. Nothing is "irresistable[sic]". Would that hold up in court if I raped a girl because I said she was simply irresistible? If I stole a car because I found the temptation irresistible, would I get off of my charges? No. A person of the opposite having a facial twitch is hardly a reason to drop everything and run to them.

    I had a girl chatting me up while buying a Christmas card for my girlfriend. She was very very cute and very noticeably interested. Being that she worked at the store, to give her the hint, I made sure while I was looking at the cards that I went through the "Girlfriend" section and pointed them in her direction. Had I not been taken and been responsible for my actions, I would have asked her out in a flash. She could have contorted her face anyway she'd liked but I still would not have dropped anything for her.

    I would also suggest that any person who was willing to drop their entire lifestyle based upon a wink is probably emotionally unstable. Nothing to gloat about.

    All I object to is the all too common event of guys blaming their penis like its an entity all to its own. We all know that we have "urges". A difference between mentally stable and unstable people is that they are able to control them. A murderer is convicted for not controlling their urge to kill. A rapist the same. Why is it that guys are often revered among mates for not being able to control their sexual urges? Telling Micro that he's a pawn to his genitalia is in no way accurate. He may well melt when he sees her and forget all the advice, but thats his brain's fault - not his member's.

    Thank you. I really appreciate that. :)

  18. FenderHotRod


    Sep 1, 2004
    Man khay0s,

    You are reading way to much into what I said. I havn't gotten a clue where your getting rape and killing from what I wrote.

    I was basicaly saying when your young and it comes to girls guys get stupid.

    Anyway, I understand what your saying, but has nothing to do with what I wrote about.
    My coment was to add a little Humor to the topic (which you managed to suck the life out of). Im moving on now End of story, and man lighten up. :scowl:
  19. haujobb


    Dec 16, 2004
    Only in Canada :D
  20. Sonorous


    Oct 1, 2003
    Denton, TX
    Different strokes for different folks.