Religious differences.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by simpy1, Apr 30, 2005.

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  1. simpy1


    Mar 31, 2005
    New Zealand
    Went on a date last night...and all was going well until she mentioned two words I wasn't expecting. "Youth group". It was then I found out this girl was super christian. Now that may not seem like a big deal to some people, but to me, well, to categorise myself, I'd say I'm 'super-unchristian'. Not like I go around beheading children and slaying goats, just that I am about as agnostic as they come. My philosophy on life is just to be completely honest with everyone, and let people live how they want to.

    After spending a mere 2 years at a presbyterian private school, I really have issues with many aspects of religion. Most of the atheist people I knew were much nicer than that wholly fake 'christians' at the school, and to be honest in general I don't think that anyone can live up to the church's standards (and you only need to look at the history of christianity to see that).

    So really I feel bad, because I pride myself on being nice to everyone, not being judgemental etc, and accepting other peoples' beliefs...but it disappoints me to know that I couldn't be myself around her. Generally my sense of humour is one that jokes about everyone, no exceptions, and I would just have a fear of insulting her or her family if I am being myself. And there's always my fear that she would try to convert me, which would get me pretty angry, to be honest.

    Just wondering if anyone else has had an experience like this...from either side of the fence.

    If this post offends anyone then...well I'd be surprised...but moderators can delete it if they want.
  2. xshawnxearthx


    Aug 23, 2004
    new jersey
    just tell her. she may be into it because you are the "bad boy" and it may work to your advantage.
  3. Sounds like you have a pretty similar outlook and approach to life as me, and personally I'd take the 'be myself' approach with her. If she accepts you for who you are, then everything will be fine. If she doesn't, then no big deal you don't have to date her anymore.

    I actually dated a Jehova Witness for 2+ years, and my atheism never had too much of an impact on our relationship. We didn't see eye to eye on a few issues (ie blood transfusion = losing your soul), but overall it wasn't an issue to the two of us. A bit more so with her family, but I was with the daughter not the parents.
  4. I'm the exact opposite. I'm a christian, and I can not date nonchristians.
  5. Against Will

    Against Will Supporting Member

    Dec 10, 2003
    Big Sound Central
    This thread is going to get shut down pretty quick.

    It's pretty simple, if it becomes a problem, tell her, if you can't get along due to religious differences then you can't get along. Move on, it's the same as with differences in politics, philosophy, housekeeping methods, personal hygiene etc.

    Some people can reconcile their differences and become stronger as a result, others can't. You may learn some things from her and she from you, and both of your attitudes will be tempered. Or you won't.

    How well do you know her? A lot of "super-christian" people I know are very devout but know where one's 'religion' ends and the reality of the situation begins.
  6. RAM


    May 10, 2000
    Chicago, IL
    My opinion is that relationships form based on commonalities and levels of comfort (among other things) that people find within another, some of which are conscious and others are subconscious.

    When religion is such a big factor in the makeup of one's personality and value-set, it's hard to ignore these issues, regardless of what side of the fence you're on. I think you shouldn't feel bad, but rather understand that dating is one part of learning about yourself as well as your interactions with other people.

    This girl simply ain't it. No reason to feel bad. You're just too different.
  7. IF you are still interested in her, and IF she is still willing to hang out with you, then maybe you can have a little talk with her. Tell her the truth. Tell her that you aren't into organized religion, but that you are a good person who lives your life by the "golden rule", (which is the most "christian" concept of them all). Also tell her that you never have and never will be interested in going to church etc. Tell her that you are the person you are, and you will not change for anyone. Maybe it can work out, (even though the chances are rather slim).
    Good women are hard to find. What do you have to lose?

  8. Brendan


    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    I don't see why this is a problem? It can be solved in one sentence.

    "You don't talk about God, I don't talk about basses." Should that fail, scam a hummer and bolt.
  9. Diowulf

    Diowulf Guest

    Aug 4, 2004
    San Rafael CA
    I have a friend who is a born again christian. At first it was really bad, because he changed his views overnight...literally. I told him that I wasn't going to act any differently, and he was going to have to accept that--and me acting myself deffinitly does affect him now that he's a christian. the only thing I do differently isl try to watch what I say in terms of race, and I don't play any of my extreme black metal (that he used to be into and got me into) around him.

    Basically this girl he met is a christian and thats what made him a christian and she wants him to convert me and my brother into christianity...but I tell you now that it wont happen. He has recently calmed down from preaching religion around me, and he has acted more like himself in recent weeks which for me has felt really good, because I thought this whole religious trip he was on was going to ruin a great friendship.

    Oh yeah BTW he's my drummer.

    If you don't think she's going to change at all than I would say move on.
  10. Well, there seems to be a glaring irony with this issue. Assuming that this girl does not raise any issues, you shouldn't worry about it. I feel the same way about religion, but if someone who I hang out with is very religious, then it's no different from a non-religious person, and I just go with it, as long as the other person doesn't mind.
  11. Minger


    Mar 15, 2004
    Rochester, NY
    I'm a Christian... lets see...personally, my opinion torewards Christians dating non-Christians is that takes their attention off of God... and for people like me, its a lot.. best advice would probably just be who you are, except for like the stuff that would like really make her mad (swearing, stuff like that)

    And I'd almost suggest not even worrying about her trying to convert you - she just doesn't want to see you go to hell (sorry if it sounds like I'm preachin, but that would be the real Christian's response)

    So yea, just try to be cool with her and not do too much that aggrivates her and it'll be cool.
  12. DanGouge


    May 25, 2000
    Sounds like a reasonable way to live. Did you tell her your views? The first thing that you want in this kind of situation is for everyone to be as open and honest about it as possible. If you assume that she would react a certain way to your personality or sense of humour, in a way, that can say as much about your perceptions as it would about hers.

    As a Christian, I'll be the first to say that some Christians are profoundly obtuse and insensitive in how they share their religious/metaphysical/social views, but I'd hasten to add that that's not everyone who is devout.
  13. I believe what I want. I shall not be provoked by the media, religion, and government !

    (Oh look James Vanderbeek has sandals, *runs to store*)
  14. this is the key with this girl, though. She'll keep you around until she realizes it's hopeless, so keep stringing her along by giving her the impression that you're not totally averse to the idea.
  15. xcental34x


    Feb 28, 2003
    Memphrica, TN
    I'd like to first wholeheartedly apologize to JT or any other mod who will see this, and may take action.

    You're right about your thoughts on no one can live up to the church's standards. The Bible is very clear on that. Eph 2:8.

    Now as for your dilemna, there is reason to be concerned. Is she aware that you are agnostic? That do you are unsure if there is a God or not? As a follower of Jesus, myself (I do not consider myself Christian), it does bother me when I hear someone say they think its a big fairy tale. No one wants anyone to be condemned. That would likely raise concerns with her feelings towards you. I wouldn't worry about you having problems with her being a Christian, but her having a problem with you being agnostic. If you can both find a common area of respect for the others beliefs, then great.

    For whoever it was who said, she'll just try to convert him, and when she realizes its pointless, she'll dump him. Thats a pretty ignorant generalization. Not all Christians are out to force their beliefs on others and shove their nose in the Bible.

  16. nope, only the ones that cramp your style, in which case my advice obviously wouldn't apply.

    it'll work quite well with the conversion zealots though.

  17. Yes, but as Christians we're taught to not date non-believers. I fought that idea for many years. But now I know from experience (more than once) that relationships of two faiths do not work.

    Sorry bro, but looks like you may have to pass on this one.
  18. xcental34x


    Feb 28, 2003
    Memphrica, TN
    Can you please show me in the Bible where it says this?
  19. Ericman197


    Feb 23, 2004
    I'm dating a fairly religious girl right now and I'm a hardcore atheist, nihilist and absurdist all rolled into one. Don't try to convert others or let them convert you; it just doesn't feel good. I completely laid waste to my former girlfriend's system of beliefs and it just made me feel rotten in the end. Not that I cared about her feelings, of course. I gained too much control to stay interested in her so I was forced to dump her.

    I also happen to dislike most other atheists. I'm not a goth, I just don't have the time or resources to devote to religion. It tends to get in the way of my hedonistic pursuits.
  20. simpy1


    Mar 31, 2005
    New Zealand
    I don't know if you noticed this, but I mentioned how I live is being honest to people. I'm certainly not going to 'string anyone along'. I'm not going to lie and say that there's a chance I could be converted, because there isn't. I'm comfortable in what I believe. And to xcental34x, I didn't say anything was a big fairy tale - being agnostic I accept that there could be a God, but am not going to outright say that there is or isn't. So I guess in her eyes that wouldn't be as bad as me being atheist...

    I think the best thing here is maybe just to avoid all complication by not going any further. It's just one girl, and one date. I think it's all for the best. So that's what I'm doing.

    But I must say, I'm very interested in all the responses, thanks guys. This is a fascinating topic. I don't see any reason why it should be deleted by one has been really stupid about it, both sides have been fairly well represented by all the nice people here at talkbass. Please everyone keep posting with your thoughts!

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