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Seeking "I want to quit my band" advice

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by tumpinjahosafat, Feb 22, 2008.


  1. tumpinjahosafat

    tumpinjahosafat Guest

    Nov 11, 2006
    Ok so heres the deal. Ive been in this band for going on 2 years this summer. We play metal, something i reluctantly obliged to in the beginning. But after 2 years, 12 songs, 3 botched demos, very infrequent gigs Ive decided to leave. Now the problem is that the band members, and all friends affiliated with them have more or less become my family. I love these guys to death. Everyone except the drummer. He is a very smart guy who graduated high school early, and as a result has an over inflated ego - assuming he has the answers to all of life's questions. He is the main reason I am leaving the band because the guitarist and singer I love working with, albeit they move at a snails pace. The drummer shows me little to no respect on a consistent basis. I will bring him riffs to jam on, alot being in odd time signatures, and he will flat out tell me im playing the riff wrong, over and over again - when all along, the riff that I wrote was played correctly.

    At any rate im ranting here, is the beefy part of the post...I would be most happy starting a project that isn't metal, probably along the lines of prog rock and scraping all members. But I see talent in our current songs and decided maybe i should go through with it a little longer. Now i need to know your advice. Do I -

    A)Tell the entire band at the same time, i quit PEACE!
    B)Talk to the guitarist/singer and ask them to get rid of the drummer

    The problem is this. The decision rests heavily on the guitarist. If he follows me the singer will follow suit. But this is how i see it. If i talk to just the singer first, he will try to get me to stay in the band and have me and the drummer settle out differences. If I talk to the guitarist/singer they may come around to my side, but then again bass will be much easier to replace than drums and the guitarist and drummer are the only 2 original members left. The drummer will most definitely use his vocabulary to sway them if i talk to them all at once and this has a chance of getting the guitarist to follow his lead. I do not want this. So what should i do, should i just not even bother and bounce so i dont have to go through with all the ********? Thanks in advance for reading this lengthy question
     
  2. MyUsernameHere

    MyUsernameHere ?????????????

    Nov 3, 2007
    Lexington KY
    If you would be "most happy" scrapping the entire thing, go ahead and do it. No offense meant, but there ain't nothing groundbreaking about the music on your MS page (at least not enough for you to think you couldn't get into anything just as good or better in the future) and only having 12 songs after two years is way beyond "snails pace" IMO.
     
  3. mutedeity

    mutedeity

    Aug 27, 2007
    Sydney
    It's a difficult one. There are several elements you have to think about I guess.

    Firstly whether or not the music is important enough for you to keep playing despite the differences in personality. Sounds like you aren't all that plused on the music anyway, though.

    Secondly what is the reward for your hard work? Seems like the band isn't moving along at the pace you are hoping it to either.

    If I was you I would cut my loses and move on, but do it amicably. Let them know that you aren't happy with the progress and you feel that your musical objectives aren't being met. I wouldn't bother trying to oust the drummer unless you have a replacement for him, but then again you might as well go and start your own band.
     
  4. Howlin' Hanson

    Howlin' Hanson Lighter cabs, please.

    Sep 3, 2007
    Austin TX
    Admittedly, there is a big difference between an orginals band and a cover band. But our cover band in three months time has 40 songs ready and another 15 partly ready, with only weekly 2-hour practices.

    Your bandmates should have done better. Friendships make things harder, but if there are other opportunities, I would look elsewhere.
     
  5. tumpinjahosafat

    tumpinjahosafat Guest

    Nov 11, 2006

    Thats the thing, i dont have anybody outside of my band that i jam with except my bro and hes got his own project. I feel if i left now i would be at a standstill. I just contacted someone through criagslist and although ive heard horrible things about finding good musicians on that site ive decided to give it a go, i figure ill slowly work my way out of my band and try to find something else to suit my needs. Yay, Nay?
     
  6. Illbay

    Illbay

    Jan 15, 2008
    Houston, Texas
    Occam's Razor says: Fire the drummer.
     
  7. mutedeity

    mutedeity

    Aug 27, 2007
    Sydney
    On the other hand you can spend the next two years doing something that makes you less than happy. By then you will be wishing you had come to your senses two years ago. Yes good musicians who have common goals as you that you get on well with are hard to find at the ground level. In the meantime keep working at your playing and so on. You should never be at a standstill because of other people.
     
  8. Life is too short. If you're not happy, leave that band.

    It took me a while but I'm at the point that no band is worth my piece of mind and if it isn't fun anymore or we aren't on the same page I'm gone. In the past I held out and put up with an awful lot of bulls*#t because I wanted to be in a band so bad but now I realize that your bandmates should be happy with your efforts and contributions. If they're not then it's time to move on.

    I've run into the "you're just a bassplayer, what do you know??" crap a few times and I'm quick to say find someone else to play bass. I'm in 3 bands now and could be in more if I wanted.
     
  9. BillMason

    BillMason Supporting Member

    Mar 6, 2007
    You're a bass player, you'll have no problem finding other bands. If the guitar and singer follow you, then you can re-start with a different drummer.
     
  10. IanStephenson

    IanStephenson UnRegistered User

    Apr 8, 2006
    Tell the guitarist you quit.
    If he decides to jump with you then fine, if not then fine.

    We've just been on the other end of this - we knew the guitarist wanted to quit. He just wasn't enjoying it. We knew he wasn't happy. It was making us unhappy. He was hanging in there, in part from fear of jumping, and partly because he felt he'd be letting us down. We didn't want to kick him out, as he was a good guitarist, and nice guy - he just didn't want to do it any more.

    He FINALLY called time a few weeks ago. Four gigs latter, and we're having a blast. We're happy, he's happy.

    You're not helping them out by hanging in, doing something thats not fun. Come clean, move on. Do something thats good for you, and let them do something thats good for them without having to fit in with you.

    Ian
     
  11. BassChuck

    BassChuck Supporting Member

    Nov 15, 2005
    Cincinnati
    Don't jump ship til the lifeboat's ready. Find another gig, and then put it to your old band, "new drummer, or I'm out". Whatever happens, happens.

    You can only be responsible for your own actions. You can only control your response. Either the music is most important, or the friendships... it can't be both. If you think its both, then you are avoiding the decision. Make up your mind and act.
     
  12. Honestly, if you have only done 12 songs in 2 years snailspace is an understatement. As for leaving the band, just say i quit, and if they chase you tell them that you cannot hadle working with a nobrain drummer.
     
  13. gismo

    gismo

    Oct 11, 2005
    La Mirada, CA
    Well, frankly put, your drummer must be an idiot for developing an ego because he finished high school early. When did high school ever become a measure for a person's level of intelligence? If your drummer can score 97% on a Cell Biology final, he might be a little brighter than your average bio major.

    Have a band meeting and discuss things. Band members need to communicate. If your drummer is as intelligent as he thinks he is, maybe you can help him realize how much of a buffoon he is. If that doesn't work, kick him out.
     
  14. eotpr

    eotpr

    Jun 25, 2007
    Ask the guitar player and singer if they would be interested in joining a side project you are starting. Don't ask the drummer. See which moves faster. I would think that if you were gigging with the "side project" that maybe they would bag the old one and the drummer would be out with no conflict and no hastle or at least the old band would become the "side project". Or even start anew band with all new people. There is no law that says that you can not be in two bands. I would let everyone know that you are doing both bands.
     
  15. scottbass

    scottbass Bass lines like a big, funky giant

    Jul 13, 2004
    Southern MN
    +1. You're ready to move on. The rest of the guys can decide whether to replace you or just fold the band. Some may then be available for another project.

    Just keep it up-front, friendly and honest. If someone gets mad at you, it's their problem, not yours.

    The main ethics involved is you have to honor all the gigs (if any) that are already booked before you leave.
     
  16. I need to move on from my "band" too. I am in the same situation.
     

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