I've had a few of these "Sessions from Hell" so I was inspired to post a list of warning signs, Foxworthy style. Must give due credit, though,These aren't all mine, I got some from a colleague in Nashville. Here goes.. You may be on a Session from Hell if: 1. The Engineer refers to the VU meters as "Gauges" 2.If the Artist plays accordion,Banjo,pan flute,or any instrument you can't pronounce. 3. If the Producer says God told him that you would would work for half scale, since you were doing "The Lords Work". 4.If the Artist or producer refers to themselves in the third Person. 5. If there is a choreographer in the sound booth and they are being taken seriously. 6. If downbeat is at 9 am and the Artist,Producer,Engineer or Drummer is stoned,coked out,or pre-menstrual. 7. If the artist has bad time and wants the band to follow him. 8. If the band only speaks English and the producer does not. 9.if the loudest thing in the Headphones is the Radio Station down the street. 10.If the artist is the Producer's girlfriend. 11. If, after the 20th take the producer says he's finally gotten a good drum sound. 12. If the producer listens to the Playback at Half Speed to make sure the Click is synced with the Kick Drum. 13. If the Producer says,"if you don't get it right, don't worry about it,I got ten guys waiting who'd love to do it". 14. If the producer broke into the business by being Snoop dog's Hairdresser. 15. If the session is delayed because the producer or Artist hasn't returned from their appointment with Dr. Kevorkian.