Mum How are you liking it down the mine, Ken? Ken Oh it's not too bad, mum... we're using some new tungsten carbide drills for the preliminary coal-face scouring operations. Mum Oh that sounds nice, dear... Dad Tungsten carbide drills! What the bloody hell's tungsten carbide drills? Ken It's something they use in coal-mining, father. Dad (mimicking) 'It's something they use in coal-mining, father'. You're all bloody fancy talk since you left London. Ken Oh not that again. Mum He's had a hard day dear... his new play opens at the National Theatre tomorrow. Ken Oh that's good. Dad Good! good? What do you know about it? What do you know about getting up at five o'clock in t'morning to fly to Paris... back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve, sweating the day through press interviews, television interviews and getting back here at ten to wrestle with the problem of a homosexual nymphomaniac drug-addict involved in the ritual murder of a well known Scottish footballer. That's a full working day, lad, and don't you forget it!
"How 'bout this officer; how 'bout you carry me to the back of your car, think I'll start my eighteen hour nap right now buddy. You ever seen vomit go through that mesh screen between the front and back seat of their cars? Oh yeah, you're going to rue the day you pulled me over buddy. I've been eating bar olives for three days straight. I don't think it's going to go with your crispy blues." -Bill Hicks
Striker was our squadron leader. I'll never forget the day we bombed Macho Grande. He brought us in real low....but he couldn't handle it.
'you just contradicted me!' 'no, i didn't.' 'you did just then!' 'nonsense.' also: 'have you ever heard of plato? aristotle? socrates?' 'yes.' 'morons.'
English teacher: "There are two words one must never use. One is swell, the other is lousy." Lucy:" OK - what are they?" - I Love Lucy
Census-Taker: [ shaking head ] You know what? Fine. [ changing subject ] Mr. Leonard, are you a citizen of the United States? Mr. Leonard: I have dual-citizenship with the United States and Florida. Census-Taker: Florida is a part of the United States. Mr. Leonard: Don't push your politics on me, pal. All's I know is when I turned 50, I was issued a Florida passport. [ hands him the "passport" ] Here you go. Census-Taker: [ examining "passport" ] Alright.. this is a novelty birthday card. And it says, "You're over the hill. Here's a passport to Florida." This is not a real passport. Mr. Leonard: I don't know.. you know? Whenever I go to Florida, I show it at the border, and they always let me in! Census-Taker: Listen, Mr. Leonard. A real passport wouldn't have a picture of a sexy nurse on it. This is a joke card. Mr. Leonard: Well.. it's a hell of a forgery!
Same here. Tommy Davidson was on Chopped last night. I was having all kinds of ILC flashbacks while watching it. -Mike