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should i start dating again?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Mental Octopus, Mar 23, 2004.

  1. Mental Octopus

    Mental Octopus

    May 24, 2003
    last december my girlfriend of 2 years ended her life, leaving me in a very awkward and lonely place for the past few months. but i have started to get back to normal a bit..i gained back the weight i lost, i'm doing better in school, i go out more on weekends and im in a number of new music projects....but i still feel kind of empty. a friend of mine said that the reason i feel this way is because i dont have a girlfriend...she says that having someone else would help me move on better and let go of the past a little more. i'm not sure what to make of this because i have no idea what i want to do with myself. part of me agrees with her, but another part of me says that i'll just be wasting my time and im better off alone. i want to do whatever i can to get over this...so would dating again help me out? or am i better off by myself?

  2. Try dating a few girls and see where that takes you. You'll know inside if the time is right.

    You won't know unless you try.
  3. RicPlaya


    Apr 22, 2003
    The Mitten
    Take it slow. It doesn't have to be anything serious just dating for now. But you wont know till you get out there and go out with a few women and give it a try. good luck
  4. Tim Cole

    Tim Cole Supporting Member

    Jun 12, 2002
    Findlay, Ohio
    Sorry to hear that man. I'd advise some friendly dating, but don't commit to anything serious until YOU are ready. Don't let others tell you how to be happy, do what's good for you.

    Good luck
  5. Danksalot


    Apr 9, 2003
    Dallas, Texas, USA
    Endorsing Artist: SIT Strings
    I say that until you're happy with just you, you're not ready for someone else. How would you feel if you knew that your date this weekend expected you to fill the deepest empty places in her heart? That's a pretty big request for any person, especially one new to a relationship.

    PM me if you want me to tell you how to fill the empty space for real, for good.
  6. Mike Money

    Mike Money In Memoriam

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    Don't do it just to fill that void. Do it to move on.

    I'm sure you guys were in love in all, but she in the past. There is no possible future with her, because she decided to stop that possible future from coming true.

    Make sure you are ready to completely get past that stage of your life before you move to the next girl.
  7. nonsqtr

    nonsqtr The emperor has no clothes!

    Aug 29, 2003
    Burbank CA USA
    Hi MO, just checked your profile. One question. Have you sought out or benefited from any professional input on this? As one who experienced something similar when I was about your age, I can say that this would very likely be a beneficial option to explore. Don't pay any attention to anyone who wants to stigmatize that kind of thing, but at the same time it's important to find someone you can really trust, preferably someone with plenty of experience, and someone's who's not old enough to be your grandfather. I'd suggest a male, no older than 40-ish. Most importantly though, it has to be someone you can really trust, and if that person turns out to be a woman, that's perfectly okay. Remember that this person will only be offering helpful suggestions (not gospel truth), so blind trust is definitely not a good idea, it has to be "honest" trust, something they can earn for themselves, by showing you that they truly understand your situation and are willing to be patient and let you take things at your own pace. I don't know what your situation is, but from your post, many things are possible (like, do you feel in any way responsible for what your friend did to herself? if so, that's very likely to affect your relationships with other people, now and in the future), and those are the kinds of things that the pros can help with. That being said, then yeah, it's probably a good idea to try and get back on your feet again. There's no need to rush though, you'll know (or feel) when you're ready. Hope things work out for you bro.
  8. canopener


    Sep 15, 2003
    Isle of Lucy
    Sorry to hear about your loss...

    ...but...a girl (especially one of your age) who comments about your lack of girlfriend (and your feeling bad about not having one) is probably trying to tell you something...

    But just do what feels right. If you feel like dating, then by all means, do so. If you don't, then don't. But don't close the doors on those who want to date you, either.
  9. Take it easy. Perhaps you are missing a girl in your life, but does it have to be a serious relationship? Go out and have fun and, as mentioned by just about everyone, see if it feels right. As SMASH said, you can't expect a girl to give you everything if you can't do the same for her. Its not going to help you or her/them at all if you make a mistake and jump back in too soon. Waiting a little bit too long is a lot better than the alternative. After learning the hard way, you may not think it, but both of the people in a relationship get hurt if you commit when you're not ready.

    Your female friend may be right - you may be lonely for some female company. But, to make sure you're not going to hurt both you and a potential girlfriend, start off as friends. If you're attracted to her, then your feelings won't change and if she's any kind of person and cares about you, she won't mind if you take it slow. You'll soon see if you're ready or not. Best of luck.

  10. pyrohr


    Aug 28, 2001
    Pakistani compound
    Im so sorry to hear of your loss. First thing you must do is not blame yourself in any way. Next I would say go out and make yourself available but don't look for a new relationship, let it happen. Having a girlfriend does not make you whole as a person, become your own bestfriend so you don't have to rely on some one else to make and keep you happy. Peer presure at your age can play a large part in things you do (especially at your age) so just try to be the best person you can be and you should be allright.

    My girlfriend of 6 years (my best friend, lover, soul mate) lost her fianc'e (sp) 1 month before I met her. He met her in the south (Alabama) while he was driving semi rig. He took her on the road, taught her how to drive, and they were together 2 years. While stopping over in NYC he fell ill suddenly and went to the hospital. He passed a couple of days later! she was devestated because now she was now jobless and 1300 miles from home. I befriended her and waited for her to go thru her mourning. She told me in the beginning she didn't want a relationship and wanted to go to school for her degree. I told her I would not give up. We have been together since 4 months after his death (6 years) and she is my life. She also has a degree in business now and is a supervisor on her job. I say this to say there is life after horrible circumstance but in your case just let it happen, you will know when "that girl" comes along

    Goodluck Tony
  11. When you don't look, you find.

    Mike ;)

    MAJOR METAL The Beagle Father Supporting Member

    When you feel completely like it is time then my guess would be go for it. Just a littel old world advice: If you have to change who you are in a relationship to make the other half satisfied it's not a good relationship to be in, dont change for anyone but yourself, Have a nice day :) .
  13. Be happy with yourself first. If you're not happy with yourself you're dragging someone into your baggage, and that's not fun for anyone.
  14. Mental Octopus

    Mental Octopus

    May 24, 2003
    well who ever was saying that the girl who suggested all this to me was "trying to tell me something" is correct. she told me today how she felt. she knows everything that happened because we've been good friends for a while. i'm thinking about it. maybe we'll just stay friends until im sure im ready.

    thanks to everyone who gave their opinion and help. i read everything and i've taken all of the advice in, it seriously helped alot.
  15. Benbass


    Jan 28, 2002
    A new relationship can help speed up the grieving process. It changes your focus. I am not suggesting that you dive into something extremely serious here, but a new fling could change your outlook.
  16. "Go forth and sow your royal oates" : Comming to america (ed murphy). play the field and dont get serious with the first one who flatters her eyes at ya. its no race.
  17. Tom Crofts

    Tom Crofts

    Mar 15, 2001
    Make sure you don't ruin things with the girl who does have feelings for you! She sounds like a good person, you wouldn't want to lose her as a friend just because you don't want a girlfriend right now.
  18. Mike Money

    Mike Money In Memoriam

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    Actually, No. You aren't ready. If you were, you wouldn't have asked.
  19. Eric Cioe

    Eric Cioe

    Jun 4, 2001
    Missoula, MT
    "One can't say 'I love you' without first being able to say 'I.'" - Ayn Rand, Anthem

    How can you possibly be happy with someone else if you can't be happy by yourself? If you need someone else to be happy, you are a parasite to their happiness.
  20. +1

    If you give someone the power to make you happy, you give them the power to take your happiness away.

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