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Should I stick with a band of people I don't like but that are good musicians?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by JimmyCraig, Dec 22, 2016.

  1. JimmyCraig


    Jul 12, 2012
    Hi there

    Recently started jamming with a band. They are good musicians but they really aren't the best of people. Not people I could see myself being friends with, but the music is good and we could get decent gigs with it. What should I do?
    Ellery and Roberto Nunez like this.
  2. flojob

    flojob Gold Supporting Member

    Oct 15, 2011
    If you make money and dont have to spend time with them, then sure. Otherwise no way. Heres what ive heard people say in this place...
    Worth it =
    Good Money
    Good Music
    Good Hang
    Pick 2.
    GlennRH, BlueShox, Fabio_MIJ and 26 others like this.
  3. Seanto


    Dec 29, 2005
    I need to understand why they are bad people to really give any feedback. Why are they bad?
  4. JimmyCraig


    Jul 12, 2012
    Mildly racist, very shallow, all about woman and booze
  5. saltydude


    Aug 15, 2011
    boston CANADA
    Sounds like a poisonous situation to me. One that will inevitably implode. If I'm not having fun and feel comfortable in the jamroom I'm gone.
    Sartori, GlennRH, zontar and 12 others like this.
  6. GKon

    GKon Supporting Member, Boom-Chicka-Boom

    Feb 17, 2013
    Queens, NY
    If that's the case, I wouldn't be able to do it. Those things rub me the wrong way, and I would not be interested in being around
    it, music or not.
  7. Gravedigger Dav

    Gravedigger Dav Supporting Member

    Mar 13, 2014
    Fort Worth, Texas
    you're opposed to women and booze? :smug:
  8. staccatogrowl

    staccatogrowl Savoring time on a spinning, shimmery, aqua sphere Supporting Member

    Jul 14, 2006
    Character of the musicians always finds its way into the spirit of the music. If you don't really like the musicians, how long do you think you'll really like their music?
    Arion, ScottTunes, vilshofen and 9 others like this.
  9. matty1039


    Oct 26, 2015
    New Orleans
    As Tommy Tedesco said, you should take a gig for one of four reasons:
    or for the fun of it.
  10. Fat Freddy

    Fat Freddy Supporting Member

    Feb 23, 2016
    Albany NY
    No such thing as "mildly racist".....I couldn't tolerate that in any way.....

    I'd be out of the door in a heartbeat!.....
    Sartori, Jimmy4string, Arion and 27 others like this.
  11. PauFerro


    Jun 8, 2008
    United States
    I agree that having different value systems matters. I put a year into a band with three members that have very, shall we say, caustic personalities. I tried to overlook it but it eventually led to me quitting, along with their unwillingness to listen to me about efficient rehearsals.

    A drummer I worked with had the same issue -- he was auditioned for a band, but he comes from a kind of religious background. He had a hard time with the smoking and drinking the guys were into, and although he's a decent drummer, good salesperson, and generally a strong contributor to the group's he's in, good interpersonal skills, they didn't even choose him. He thought it was best anyway because the personalities didn't gel.

    In contrast, with the band I formed 5 years ago all the guys have religious values. It seems to prevent problems. For example, I know that if a gig falls on a Sunday, I have to find different players. Even though I'm not adverse to performing on Sunday, I know their own commitments, and respect them, so I work around it. Stuff like that.

    Now, there is one breed of smoking, womanizing, drinking people who I seem to get along well with -- the ones who respect my own values, and even go so far as to protect me from others (protect is a bad word, but I don't know how else to say it). But they don't expect me to participate in their conversation, and they watch their language around me. And I tell them it's OK if they drink around me, I'll have a soda or something, and everyone is cool with it. So, make a judgement whether they will accept you in this regard...but too much diversity in values like this can be a problem, for sure.
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2016
  12. Life is too short to hang around douchebags
  13. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    It really depends on where you are. Your profile isn't filled out.

    If you are in New York or Atlanta, find another band. If you are in a small town in a corn field in Iowa, you may have to suck it up a little to be able to play.

    My dad's sisters are "mildly racist". That doesn't mean I'm boycotting family Christmas every year. I don't like it. But I can be in the same room with opposing views and not have to throw a hissy fit and walk out.

    I can jam with atheists, vegetarians, smokers and people who have 180 degrees opposite political views. I can even jam with people who allow their pets inside (gross). :D

    It says a lot about our society that we can completely cut off the conversation between ourselves and those with whom we disagree. Rather than politely engage them, we are no longer good humans unless we disavow and separate ourselves from those people. It's just silly.

    I have one woman. During the gig I am going to have a few beers. Afterwards I am going to try my best to.....be with that woman. :cool: So I can't really knock them for booze and women either. (Or booze and men. Whatever your thing is.)

    OP, try it for a little while. If you find out they really are JUST womanizers and card carrying clan members, you can back out then. If they just have a few personality quirks then brace yourself. As musicians, we all do. You will rarely find a half dozen guys who see things exactly as you do to make music with. It is a sign of maturity that you can find a balance between living your life the way you see it should be, engaging those with whom you disagree, and then taking a hard stand in the face of egregious atrocities.

    Try to set an example. Inform them that racist jokes and the like around you bother you. Try to set limits on alcohol consumption at the gig. Then go from there.
    Arion, LowNloud1, Ox Boris and 28 others like this.
  14. I've gotten pretty good at tuning out the stupid things people say. I consider it a life skill, considering people say stupid stuff almost everywhere you end up.

    If the money and music was good, I'd just use the filter and not participate or even pretend to condone their worldview. Don't make a scene over it, just opt out in silence. Far more effective than confrontation or protest.

    But if the noise gets on your nerves and spoils your fun, move on.
  15. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    A much more concise way of saying what I attempted to say. :D
  16. Nev375


    Nov 2, 2010
    If that's what their reputation is, then that's what your reputation will become as well.
  17. Delsan

    Delsan Supporting Member

    Nov 21, 2015
    I just quit mine because my guitarist was a tyrant (and not good enough or in-the-pulse enough to be one).

    Also he was a KKK supporter. So. That.

    Attached Files:

  18. HiEnd Basses

    HiEnd Basses

    Mar 4, 2016
    Sounds like a band to me!
  19. jamro217

    jamro217 Supporting Member

    That's why I quit that band. Or eight bands like it.
    tkonbass likes this.
  20. lfmn16

    lfmn16 SUSPENDED Supporting Member

    Sep 21, 2011
    charles town, wv
    Not exactly the same, but I'm in one band where two of the three other members are about as far on the opposite end of the political spectrum from me as it's possible to get. I just ignore it even though some of their ideas are very offensive (conspiracy lunacy).

    For your situation, I'm not sure how a bunch of strangers on the internet can tell you what works for you. If they are walking around with white robes and hoods, that's a no brainer. As someone else said, it really depends on your other options. Arrive in time to start rehearsal, keep things moving and leave when it's over. It's a band, not a social club.

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