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Should musicians date musicians?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by thrash_jazz, Apr 30, 2003.

  1. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    This is a question that just came to mind based on all the relationship-based threads that seem to come up... especially since some relationships seem to be in trouble because of one person or the other playing music too much for his/her own good.

    So, do you think it would be better for musicians to stick with their own kind? Is it, in the end, REALLY possible for a non-muso to understand the way our brains work?

    I've never dated a musician. The grass is always greener on the other side, but it seems to me that it would be GREAT - you know, those relationship-building jam sessions, gear hunts, GAS sharing and general musical geek talk.

    Opinions...? :)
  2. Ben Mishler

    Ben Mishler

    Jan 22, 2003
    San Jose
    I think musicians dating musicians is a very great idea. It not only gives you something in common, but your partner can also feel more involved in the music side of your life. The girl I am dating now is a musician and it works out great for both of us.
  3. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    Another related question:

    If you are dating a musician, would you be in a band with them?

    Or, would you date someone you're playing with, or do you keep it professional?

    Me, I wouldn't have a problem being in a band with someone I was already with, but if I was playing freelance for someone I probably wouldn't want to take things too far... but who knows...
  4. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    My best luck has been with musicians. They understand the obsession and that its a passion and not just a stupid hobby.

    Being in a band with one isnt easy, but it can be done. You need to seperate the professional and personal parts when you are doing the band thing though.

  5. cjgallen


    Oct 19, 2001
    My guitarist was dating this chick who also played guitar, and since she was his gf she was automatically in our band :rolleyes: but the problem was....she couldn't play worth a damn.

    Boy was I glad when they broke up :D

    But man, if I could find a woman who's in love with music as much as I am....well...that would rock :bassist:
  6. moley


    Sep 5, 2002
    Hampshire, UK
    There might be a whole jealousy/competition element, there however... maybe if you're dating someone who plays the same instrument as you, for example? But it depends on the people I guess (and their egos).
  7. Words of Experience: Wind and String players do not mix.
  8. leanne


    May 29, 2002
    Rochester, NY
    I've dated mostly musicians. Just about all my friends are musicians, too. The ones that aren't are really into music.

    If I can't talk about music, I get bored or something.

    I also think being in the same band is just a way bad idea.
  9. I've actually dated only musicians. Or at least people who are very proficient in musical instrument.

    but it's best if you have other interests, otherwise things get boring.

    Wow, everyone took what I was going to say. :meh:
  10. Christopher


    Apr 28, 2000
    New York, NY
    One nonmusician person I used to go out with thought jazz was elevator music. I wanted to strangle her.

    If music is a large part of your life, it's good to date a fellow muso.

    Dating someone in the same band can be a problem, but so can dating someone who doesn't understand why you would spend evenings playing music with other people rather than with her/him. On balance, I think the benefits outweigh potential problems.
  11. CDuff


    Sep 14, 2002
    haven't you listened to a word Josh has said?! ;)

    .....oh, and leanne....pleeeeeeeeeease change your avatar. It's just breaks my heart every single time I see it :)
  12. Agreed. For a while I was interested in a non-musician girl that liked some music, but really didn't care too much for what I was into (blues, jazz and r&b). This could have been worked out, but she also didn't respect what I did. She knew I played bass, but she couldn't understand why music was such a big part of my life. The final deal breaker came when she said in passing that she thought bass playing was boring. I dropped her right then and there.
    T.Rex likes this.
  13. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    The last band I was in, the drummer and lead singer were married. It was very cool. They have been married for about 7 or 8 years (I think they've been together for like 14) and have played in bands with each other for a long time.

    I have to agree with Smash. Someone who isn't a musician cannot understand the love a musician has for music. The only people who even come close to understanding are those who are into some other form of art (painting, trained dance, acting, ect.).
  14. the worst relationships i've ever been in were with other musicians.

    but i think finding someone with creative output is important for a musician. my wife is heavy into visual arts. i don't give a hoot about aesthetics, so we're an interesting mix. and that's the ticket, keep your relationship INTERESTING. you don't want to be talking about scales and time signatures when you're in bed with your woman. at least, i don't.

    lots of different people have strong passions for lots of different things. if your signifigant other has to cope with you playing your new bass until three in the morning, then you better be supportive when they're getting off on whatever their kick might be.
  15. Killdar


    Dec 16, 2002
    Portland Maine
    SMASH is entirely correct.
  16. temp5897

    temp5897 Guest

    Well my girlfriend plays piano and is learning bass now...its really nice to have someone that understands you on that level and supports you...

    That being said I have a slight problem with the above statement in a way...now IF a girl said that to me that would be indicative that she is too stupid to be with me really (that is such a juvenille attitude/thing to say) however I would throw every last instrument of mine into the fire if it meant the difference between being with someone I love forever or being alone. Music is important, but to me people I love are more important...
  17. herrera


    Feb 15, 2002


    i want to know!
    :D :D :D

    well it is defenetly cool to go to her house and start jamming

    that would be the best

    my ex girlfriend get tired of the topic "i want"

    i want a SWR
    i want another warwick
    i want a thumb
    i want to play like "name"

    and she would said "you dont get tired of the same topic"
    and i will say "no i dont if you dont like it, you can always leave your house!"
  18. 5stringDNA


    Oct 10, 2002
    Englewood, CO
    Hmm..man yof the quotes in this thread sound very familiar..as in my last failed relationship familiar. Everything from the "you love music more than me" to the "Aren't you sick of talking about basses?". My experience is this- anyone who tells you that you love music more than them is completely right. I would really like to have some sort of a proficient musician for a g/f one of these days, but who knows...I dated a singer once but we had serious conflicts in other areas. Everyone else I've attempted anything with has been musically stupid. We should start a musician's dating service forum- every last single woman on TB would be taken within a few hours, LOL! ;) :D
  19. Aaron


    Jun 2, 2001
    Bellingham, WA
    Bassists make the best girlfriends...
  20. DanGouge


    May 25, 2000
    I don't know. I mean sometimes it's good just to find someone who understands what you do. Most of us may spend all our money on one thing but that is not something that is limited to musicians! I know people who have dropped big money on clothes, cars, cologne, furniture, bicycles, cameras. I think the important thing is to find someone who supports your musical interests whether they share them or not.

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