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Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Captain Chaos, Jan 9, 2017.
If I'm not there the bills wouldn't get paid. Trust me I tried before.
I was in a relationship once where something similar to that occurred.
In this particular instance there was no getting rid of the offenders. They came part and parcel of the woman I was involved with. (Although they didn't show up until after the woman and me were "established' as in buying a house etc etc etc.)
I am no longer with that person. I suffered quite a bit of emotional pain because of the sum total of everything involved in splitting up.
Now I look back and us breaking up was the best thing that ever happened to me.
That makes you head of household. Put your foot down.
I remember you telling us about that. You were used as an ATM. Glad to hear you're finally able to be happy with the split.
Harsh as it may seem, this is none of your concern.
The only thing you owe your family is to live a happy life and maybe try to be around if serious crap happens.
You don't have to pay your mother's, sister's and related accointances' bills.
You're 28. You don't owe anyone anything.
You are an adult. So are they. Unless there is some agreement, debt, or illness that you haven't mentioned, you are NOT their keeper. Unless it is your intention to spend your life as a doormat, it is time for you to head out on your own.
Here's the harshest reality that would solve most of the problems in you family's situation.
Your mother needs to move into a smaller size, more affordable, home. If she can't pay the bills where she is, she cant5afford to live there. Period.
Plus, if she fugitive a one bedroom apartment or something like that she wouldn't have room for the losers to move in.
So, she puts her place up for sale. You start looking for your own place. The losers have until the house sells to find their own place. You guys go in three separate directions and everyone will be happier in a very short period of time. Well, the losers might not be but that's their problem.
Why does your mother stay in a place she can't afford?
Who's bills are not getting paid? You should only worry about your own bills and nobody else.
Your parents are old enough by now to figure out how to do their own finances, and if your sister (and family in tow) is also old enough.
The next time you reply it should go something like this:
"I moved out and they can figure it out the hard way" or "I told everybody to go to the movies so I could have some time to myself. During that time I changed the locks and all their crap is sitting on the curb."
Do you have a lock on your bedroom door? That would be my first move, to ensure everything that I have of value, doesn't suddenly disappear when the poop hits the fan... and it will.
If you are paying the bills you should probably start laying out the laws of the house. The first thing I would do is get a timeline to get them out and then sit down with your parents and have a long discussion about enabling. Make your parents (or at least your mother) understand that if she continues to enable her daughter you will not be able to assist her anymore. You need to put your foot down on this because you are enabling mom who is enabling her daughter who is enabling her whole family. Expect a ton of fights and a bunch of resentment but it needs to get done (at least in my view, it is your life and your decision.)
Kick to curb.
you are the enabler. when you stop, it ends. the real questions are, how much will you tolerate before you act? or will you carry on, complaining about the situation but taking no actions to end it? either is okay by me, it is you that must deal with the results.
If I'm reading this correctly: you're 28 and living with your mom in her house. So, you don't seem to have a say as to whom else lives in moms house.
Move out. Let the rest fend for themselves.
Although I 'liked' some of the other comments about getting tough and acting like head of household, this is a good point too.
We don't know WHY the OP is living in his mom's house. Could be any number of reasons. Maybe he lives in a very expensive real-estate market, maybe he has bad credit and can't get his own place, maybe mom has some health concerns and he figures she bears close observation, etc. Whatever the reason is, it's got him there for the moment - and it's up to him, not us, to decide whether it's 'good enough.'
But his situation is untenable. Financial responsibility but no decision-making power is a very bad spot to be in. Moving out, if it is possible for him to do so, seems like the cleanest way to save sanity (among other things). Staying might not be impossible, but only with rules and conditions on the rest of the occupants. Will mom give the OP the power to kick out other family members if it comes to that? I have my doubts. What if mom starts smoking crack? It's her house.
I say give 'em the boot, but it sounds like you're unwilling to do that. If so, then maybe you should become a very difficult person to live with. Take your frustrations out on your sister. Get in her husband's face and tell him what a deadbeat loser he is.
You're gonna hafta get yer hands dirty here, ain't no miracle cures on TB.
If you don't want to kick out the deadbeat family members and you are paying the bills one option would be that while the household may need power, water, and heat they don't have to have cable / satellite tv or internet or cell service. I'd keep just my phone on and maybe mom's depending on the situation. Make sure you have a solid door and lock on your room.
I agree and sympathize with @slobake . Had to basically kick out my son maybe 10 or so years ago. It played out and now we're closer than ever. Just wish he lived closer so we could play music together.
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