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Small problem. What would you do? Cause I dont know

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by phatphillss, Sep 27, 2009.


  1. I had a little blowout with my keyboardist last night (best friend) and am not sure how to handle the problem.Let me say this tho hes a bit stuburn when hes wrong in a situation.

    Ok so heres the problem during last nights practice session.
    Im messin around with my micro synth and if anyone owns one, than you know it takes a little time to use this pedal corectlly. He plays keys and synth im not sure if he thinks im trying to tread on his toes with this pedal.Some times we get into deep ambient synthy jams and wanted to find other ways to help the cause by useing this pedal.

    So im messin around and he says dude your givin me a headack i kept going for about 20-30 more secounds and he thought I just disregarded his wishes.

    So he gets up and rips the cable out of my amp just like that rips them out, like no big deal. I really wanted to just knockem the F out :mad:but I just stood there like are you kidding me:meh:.

    So i say dont rip my cables out of my amp I would never disrespect anyone gear like that. I got a 900 dollar combo and ive had problems withother amps, with the inputs, and just know. dont do it.

    We wrote a song weeks ago about how to be careful with the inputs on instraments and gear. It goes (NEVER PULL ON THE CABLES) just 1 line in the song.
    So I tell him dude never pull on the cables, and he had the nerve to tell me to piss off its not going to break.

    I tell him its uncalled for just talk to me and i will oblige.Seems he felt he was right so starts ripping all the cables out of his gear aggresivly I m looking around at my drummer and guitarist (veryvery good friends) and am like:eyebrow::rollno::eek::meh:

    So after all that he says take your recorder and pack your **** up since you want every one to respect your gear so what ever. I really dont know whats going on with him and hes not one to appligize for sh@t.

    So I went out side for a smoke and calm down, went back down to justify the repect part and he didnt want to here it.

    Any ideas on how to handle this should I talk to the other members first.Because he dont want to here it from me.

    I know for a fact if This band was a band of random people, i know that would have never happened.

    What to do:help:
     
  2. Quit smoking.
     
  3. you dont say how old and how long you have been friends or band mates.........from way out here it sounds like he may just be tired of being either/or.......and that happens

    sometimes a cooling off period works,other times time has turned one or both into different people......

    could be the band isn't where he wants it to/thinks it should be

    could be you noodle excessively at practice and lots of guys get pissed at that one

    the number of things it could be are way to many so i would definitely talk to the other guys.maybe they've seen this coming......

    hope it works out,but in my own experience friends come and go more often than years ago...the world is a far more transient place
     
  4. Please be more discriptive. Is that for my spelling?

    Quit smoking thats your solution.
    It was a cigarette. I dont think thats the problem, people have life and peronal issues, should I just let it go like it never happened.
     
  5. mike.b

    mike.b

    Aug 21, 2007
    england
    i don't think its just your gear he's got a problem with;sounds like hes got an issue with something else but took it out on your gear.even close friends can get on each others nerves.wait awhile and when you're one on one with him ask 'whats the problem?if he's that close a friend you'll come to a compromise.
     
  6. amroach

    amroach

    Feb 11, 2009
    Bristol, UK
    just see him alone and give it to him straight: 'mate why you being a t#@t?'
     
  7. Freddels

    Freddels Musical Anarchist

    Apr 7, 2005
    Sutton, MA
    Sounds like he had a bad day. I would just stay away and wait for him to make the first contact.
     
  8. no you really can't let it go as next time he feels like teeing of on someone he'll know you let the last one go.......if the next time is more serious it forces you to act or become the guy that people can dump on when they're on the rag.dealing with it positions you as a reasonable dude that won't take any crap
     
  9. Weve been best friends for 12 years. Im 28.
    I understand the frustration with the band we got a lot of money, time and passion into this right now. All originals.
    So I understand,but I feel he should not disrespect me.
    This band started from scratch first just jams and then me and him decided to take every one to the next level. Write record and gig.
    My guitarist came in with his own songs ,and my best friend and I started writing and now its a band now were pushing getting the demo done right now.
    But last night sucked we ended early and didnt play that well.
    But the last 3 weeks have been good, which is a great thing.

    next practice is on tuesday do i go down and pretend it never happened.People dont like that I know I dont.
     
  10. see above...what i would do is call the guys and tell them you cant make the next practice,no explanation,and when you talk to him,something like"the next thing out of your mouth is an apology or we have nothing to talk about".......
     
  11. Flycutter

    Flycutter

    Mar 10, 2009
    Just from what I read it seems he tried to talk to you and you kept on messing around. He was wrong for taking out his frustrations on your equipment but if he asked you to stop you should have stopped. 20 to 30 seconds is a short time but if it's irritating it can seem like an eternity.

    The next time I saw him I would apologize for not stopping when I was giving him a headache and in the same sentence I would also tell him never to touch my stuff again.
     
  12. Ric5

    Ric5 Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 29, 2008
    Colorado
    I grow organic carrots and they are not for sale
    I hate when band members tell me how to play bass or what to play or tell me what I can't do or try to control my tone and effects.

    Life is too short to put up with that crap.

    I don't go to their amp and twist knobs and change their tone.

     
  13. JKambing

    JKambing

    Aug 5, 2008
    Singapore
    I was once best friends with someone who'd always blow up at his close friends over seemingly little, insignificant things, so this is from experience:

    I think maybe he's been pissed off about something and has been looking for a chance to blow up. At first I would have said he may not have been angry at you to begin with, but since he's been ignoring you for quite a while, I feel he may be angry at you, and may have been so for quite some time. He was just looking for a chance to tell you off.
    Maybe it's something that's been bugging him for a while, but he's too reserved to have told you off earlier.

    If I were you, I'd try and find out the underlying reason why he's so angry. There are people out there who keep their feelings bottled up, and when they do reach breaking point, they let their feelings dictate their actions, throwing away all logic.

    Well, I wish I had a solution for you.. But there's a reason why this "best friend" I speak of "used to be" my best friend. I just got tired of his nonsense, with everything being my fault, and him never being wrong, even when he is. Though I guess it's my fault too, for always giving in to him, being the people-pleaser that I used to be. I always let him have his way, even when it was bad for him. I'd say my life is simpler now, without him. Though I can't deny that we had our good times. We're in talking terms now, though.

    Again, I could always be wrong, but I'm just sharing my experiences to try and help you figure things out. I don't know what relationship you have with your best friend, but perhaps you need to access if it is a healthy relationship. My two cents.

    Peace.
     
  14. being friends at sixteen is very different than at 28....at 16 going along with the crowd is,or seems way more important......most of us probably are no longer on good terms with at least some of their high school pals. adults gain new friends through work,travel,family ties etc.....i'd wait for the apology,and if a sincere one emerges ,then the op could apologize for the excess noodling
     
  15. thanks ric5 thats how I felt.
    Dont mess with my gear help me with the gear. I bought it about 2 months ago, I say every pedal has a application for somthing.I try not to use the mud ever and i felt i needed somthing for the ambient synthy applictions so i was trying out a pedal. crist
    This kids got 6000 grande in keyboards synths and pedals and he can hit some real crap once in a blue moon I dont pull on his cords, come on.
     
  16. ByF

    ByF

    May 19, 2009
    You were noodling between songs, and annoying him. He asked you to stop, and you ignored him.

    He "thought" you disregarded his wishes? Sounds to me like you disregarded his wishes. . . maybe he was ready to move on to the next song, and was getting sick of your noodling? Noodling between songs in a rehearsal is very bad manners. Try out your new gear and do your noodling AT HOME.

    I wasn't there, so I am just reading between the lines of what you said--yeah, yanking out the cables was a stupid thing to do, but it sounds like you touched a nerve and set him off. People do stupid things when they're angry, but it sounds like you were the one who made him angry--maybe you should apologize to him for whatever it was you did that pissed him off so bad. If you wait for him to apologize, you may never see your best friend again.

    Ed
     
  17. Taxt

    Taxt

    May 31, 2009
    I agree if this noodling thing has been a reoccurring problem and hes said something to you before then you should have expected something to happen sooner or later. However Id be REALLY pissed if someone yanked my chords out. Knowing me Id go apepoopie. But anyways my advice is to wait a little while for him to cool out then apologize for the noodling . Your friend needs to get his head together and apologize too.
     
  18. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Retired Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    I doubt his blow up had anything to do with you. Something else is bugging him deeply ... maybe in his personal life.
     
  19. cassanova

    cassanova

    Sep 4, 2000
    Florida
    The crap he pulled is childish and unprofessional and there are no legitimate excuses for doing that, no matter what kind of personal problems he might be going through. Gear is also expensive to repair and replace and I highly doubt if he broke something he'd replace it any time soon. I would have told him right then and there he's out and not welcome to play anymore.



    However, the politically correct thing to do is probably hold a band meeting without him present to discuss disiplinary actions to include removing him from that band is probably a good idea. Then another meeting with him present to inform him about how his actions will not be tolerated or to even fire him if thats what everyone chooses.
     
  20. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    WI
     

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