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So I get a phone call....

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by AuG, Oct 2, 2005.


  1. AuG

    AuG

    May 22, 2005
    Fort Collins, CO
    ...today while I was at work. It's from my stepbrother, and he informs me that our parents are fighting yet again. Apparently they went out to dinner, and got into an altercation. So they go home and fight it out at the homestead. The details are kind of sketchy, but according to my stepbro, my Ma punched his Dad in his shoulder(the same shoulder he's had 4 surgeries on) and he grabbed her to "restrain" her from hitting him anymore. This is after my Ma went to work yelling at anybody who came within shouting range (and for my mom thats about 100 yards) and after my step dad asked her to leave. Of course she's not leaving, even though she doesn't pay any of the mortgage or any other bills for that matter. She quit her job to become a counselor, and she's doing all the necessary volunteer work and internships that she has to complete before she gets her "license" so to speak. Anyways, she refuses to leave and calls 911 because in the melee she cut her lip (slightly) and is now threatening to get the law involved and press charges etc.etc.etc.

    I guess I'm asking everyone what I should do? I want to mediate and counsel the counselor and her husband but I feel like I won't make any progress with either of them. How does a 20 year old give relationship advice to a 50 and 46 year old? Has anyone else ever broke up a fight between their parents and actually left a positive impact on both (or at least one) of them?

    Sorry for the rant and all but I need :help: from anybody, and the family here at talkbass is notorious for giving good advice, so I thought I might seek advice here first before I jump in the pool without testing the water.....

    Thanks in advance
     
  2. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz

    Mar 27, 2002
    Ohio
    It isn't your role to council your parents. Hopefully, they will see they need help and seek it out. Until then, there is basically nothing you can do, except let each of them know they have a sympathetic ear.
     
  3. syciprider

    syciprider Banned

    May 27, 2005
    Inland Empire
    You'll have to tell your mother that she is wrong. But you'll have to come across as being on her side (she is after all, your mother). Approach this dialogue with a win-win mentality and you may pull it off. Don't get dragged into a finger pointing debate. Perhaps it wil be best to talk to them separately.
     
  4. Tash

    Tash

    Feb 13, 2005
    Bel Air Maryland
    The best you can do is keep yourself and your stepbrother out of the middle of it. It sounds like there are some problems on both sides but you can't fix them, or even help fix them, until the two of them decide something is wrong and try to change it.
     
  5. syciprider

    syciprider Banned

    May 27, 2005
    Inland Empire
    Staying out of it maybe a good idea at first glance but since they've come to what is defined as "domestic violence", intervention on your part is prudent. Don't allow the law into the household. Everybody loses when that happens.
     
  6. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Lacey, WA
    Stay out of it. You are in no position to assume the responsibility for mitigating the problems between your mom and her husband. I don't mean that as a shot at you, it just isn't something a child needs to be a part of. Family counseling for everyone may be a part of the overall solution, but let a qualified adult come to that decision.

    As far as the domestic violence, I would involve the police if someone is in danger of being hurt. I'm going to disagree with the everyone loses when the police get involved comment. Everyone loses when you all live in a home where hitting and beating up are a part of life.

    -Mike
     
  7. AuG

    AuG

    May 22, 2005
    Fort Collins, CO
    Yea I've pretty much decided to stay out of it. They have been going to counseling for quite some time, but I guess it just hasn't been working. There are 2 other kids in the house (my stepsisters) and they are unfortunately caught in the middle. Most of the "problems" are centered around the kids, particularly the 14 year old, so you're right it's not really my responsibility to intervene. All I can do is lend a sympathetic ear. Like a bartender if you will. :D

    Oh BTW I'm not a 'child' as you put it. Everyday it seems like my stepbro and I the only "qualified adults" in the household. I mean come on we're the only two that go to work and school everyday. The stepdad is on an indefinite sabbatical, but he's the co founder of a multimillion dollar company so he still gets a paycheck every week. His everyday activities include watching television and sleeping. Hitting and beating people up isn't apart of our everyday life....this is just one case in a hundred so to speak.
    I appreciate everyone's advice and will update as events unfold. I just hope it'll all blow over...I have a feeling it won't though.


    As my Dad always says, "The sun always comes up tomorrow..."
     
  8. I agree with everyone else and try and stay out of it...but not too long. Don't let it escalate to a point where things can get bad really fast. If you do have to intervene, separate them and calm them down as quickly as possible. Counseling is not always the solution, as points brought up there may escalate when they come home.

    Best of luck to you and I hope things get better.
     
  9. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Lacey, WA
    Sorry bro. I wasn't looking to insult you, or insinuate that you were not old enough to be a qualified adult. When I used the word "child", I was referring to what you actually are. I am 34 years old with a wife and my own kids, but I am still my parents "child" no matter how old I get.

    My comments dealt more with whether or not you should be involved period, and they were not based on what I thought your age was. Again, I apoligize if I offended you.

    -Mike
     
  10. Aaron Saunders

    Aaron Saunders

    Apr 27, 2002
    Ontario
    It's great to lend a sympathetic ear, but make sure your stepsisters have that ear as well. Your mom and her husband might need it, but I'll bet you anything your stepsisters will need it even more.
     
  11. AuG

    AuG

    May 22, 2005
    Fort Collins, CO

    Hey no offense taken. I've got bills of my own to pay as well as other commitments. They don't involve kids of my own or a wife or anything like that. Pretty soon I'll be out with my stepbro anyway; we were talking earlier and decided the best course of action is probably to get the *beep* outta there if you catch my drift. Now it's just time to save some money and start looking around for an apartment closer to the city. I wish I could save for a house, but that'll take too long and I don't plan on being here for the next 3 or 4 years.

    Of course, I could always live at my hotel.... :meh: ....for cheap too..... :meh:









    Yea right