So, the woman I love more than air...STINKS! death.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Steve, Jul 8, 2005.

  1. Steve


    Aug 10, 2001
    :bawl: Literally. Of cigaretts. She just recovered from her THIRD surgery related to cancer. The chances for a recurrance of which would be reduced 50% if she would just quit.

    She has the onset symptoms of chronic bronchitus and at times will wake up in the morning coughing up mucus to the point of running to the bathroom and vomiting. I lay next to her at night and listen to the crap rattle around in her lungs as she breathes, and I hear her life...and our future together slipping away.

    I quit smoking a couple of months ago...and it was probably the single most difficult thing I've done in 46 years. I still struggle with it every day. I have to avoid bars, (which means I have to avoid music) or the cravings just torture me. I have to avoid any place where smokers gather or the cravings torture me. I've become hyper sensitive to the smell of a cigarette now that my sense of smell is returning. I need to avoid smokers or I torture them and I HATED that when I was a smoker.

    She knows she needs to quit. The DR's tell her. I tell her. She's the one under the knife and puking in the bathroom. She's not stupid. She has 2 BA's and a Masters degree. One of them is in psychology so she understands addiction behavior.

    She's trying to quit. She just can't pull it off. She has meds to help her quit, she won't take them because all the kids she works with during the day take the same meds for different reasons and it's stigmatized in her mind...She tries...she fails...she hides it...she thinks my refusal to be her enabler makes me non-supportive and her enemy...because... that's the way addicts think...

    After a 10+ day absence from seeing her due to family, work commitments, and scheduling conflicts of all sorts, We finally get to see each other. She shows up reeking of smoke because she has a night job in a bar....take's a shower to get the stink off of her....I put my arms around her to hold her for the first time in what seems like ages...and she exhales the smell of a thousand cigaretts into my face.

    She admits she's been smoking....we lay there... as she exhales the room fills up with the smell of tobacco...I light doesn't help...the smell gets worse...and worse...and worse...with every breath she takes...I can't stand it and have to get up and leave the room...the moment is ruined...feelings are hurt....things get said in both directions that should never be said to someone you love...

    She is a cancer patient x3...she is a smoking related COPD patient... SHE IS THAT "OTHER GUY"... that smokers always think is going to catch the bullet.

    It's killing her...and it's killing us...and I can never remember ever feeling so frustrated and powerless...
  2. I'm sorry for you in these trying times. At least take stock in the time you have. (I'm sure you do)
  3. AuG


    May 22, 2005
    Fort Collins, CO
    All I can say is thankyou, because you just made me want to quit smoking. I've thought about it before, and I never really had any health issues related to smoking, except for my allergies that never go away, but reading that post makes me want to seriously quit smoking. I'm sorry that you have to go through that, seeing someone you love kick themselves when they're already down (hypothetically) is enough torture in itself. That's tough to deal with, but remain steadfast and you'll get through it. She will too. Now I hope I can quit..... :help:

  4. Bruce B

    Bruce B

    Sep 2, 2004
    The nicotine demon is powerful. When I was a smoker I smoked the whole time I had bronchitis. When I had my wisdom teeth out they said I couldn't smoke for a week. I lit one in the parking lot and spent half the week smoking through my nose. I still remember a great uncle who had emphysema. He spent most of his time in a chair breathing with an oxygen bottle. He would take off the oxygen, hobble out the door, and have a cigarette every hour or so. He didn't last too long. It can be beaten but only if she wants to beat it.
  5. so sorry to hear, bikerT. :meh:

    bets of luck to you both. hope she chooses the better path..

    MAJOR METAL HARVESTER OF SORROW Staff Member Supporting Member

    I have heard of people who are severly addicted to cigarettes having good results with a hypnotist to get off the smokes.
  7. tifa

    tifa Padawan Bassist

    Mar 8, 2005
    Blackburn, UK
    It might sound like a 'quick fix' or a load of crap, but I have heard amazing things about the book 'The Easyway to Stop Smoking' by Allen Carr. It's completely different from any other method in that it disagrees with the concept of nicotine replacement therapies and blows away a lot of the traditional myths of nicotine addiction.

    It may be worth a read for her. Good luck with everything, I know how devastating cancer can be. Thinking of you. :)
  8. pointbass

    pointbass Semi-Retired Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Nov 4, 2004
    Acworth, GA
    Endorsing Artist: FBB Bass Works
    Tobacco is such a vicious substance :scowl: I don't know whether this will help, but my wife and I both smoked up until 5 months ago (we had been smoking for almost 35 years). She had a very hard time quitting in spite of two cancer issues over 10 years, and I was too weak to quit while she was smoking (I know, just a convenient excuse).

    The thing that finally got her to stop, and in turn allowed me to stop with her, was our dog. Morgan (the dog) was having some very minor respiratory problems and the vet asked us not to let her stay in the area where we were smoking until her respiratory situation improved. My wife immediately quit when she realized that our smoking was impacting a defenseless dog.

    Perhaps if she realizes that her smoking is having serious repercussions on others (it seems like it's driving you crazy with nicotine desires) she can become committed to stopping. Many times we will sacrifice for others, even if we aren't willing to make that same sacrifice for ourselves.

    Good luck to you both ...........
  9. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses, Hipshot products
    Addictions have been said to be physical, mental, and spiritual maladies. I know (as I'm sure you know) many people who've allowed their addictions to take them right to their graves. It's unbelievably powerful stuff and some people believe that without some sort of spiritual intervention, it's hopeless. Spiritual doesn't necessarily have to mean "god" either - it's a really broad term. Maybe the both of you might want to start (if you haven't already) looking into to a power beyond yourselves and developing the spiritual side of your lives. You yourself are only a couple of months out of that monster of an addiction. Congratulations, and I don't mean this to be negative, but you're far from out of the woods. I had a lot of support when I quit my 20 year 2 1/2 to 3 pack a day habit, and people prepared me for a few things that came my way. I was told to not be surprised if 3 months, 6 months, even a year down the line I go through a period of urges that feel as though I'd never quit. Blah, blah, blah..... feel like I'm pontificating and didn't mean to. I've been through a handful of addictions and if I can help in any way I'd be happy to. I'M just chock full of great advice. :D PM or email me if you want me to spill my guts.

    Best of luck.
  10. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Lacey, WA
    Hang in there Steve. She'll come around.

  11. I just want to thank you for writing this, although I can provide you with little help this thread definitely sealed the deal for me on dropping cigs from my life. I was teetering on the edge and we all know how those little death sticks have a way of making you justify just buying this "one last pack." All I can do is wish you guys the best; you sound like an intelligent and caring person, and I hope you can pull your loved one through this hard time.
  12. xshawnxearthx


    Aug 23, 2004
    new jersey
    you say she is educated, but it seems like she lacks common sense. im only 25 and i quit smoking after ten years. i know its nothing like what you guys have been/are going through but that first time you get cancer should be the last time you light up.

    i think its time for intervention/ultimatum.
  13. Steve


    Aug 10, 2001
    No...I really don't think she will. Talking to her over the last two days has been like a scene from the Exorcist. (regans not here Father Karas"

    Her nicotine addiction is like a live breathing demon inside her brain that is making her say, think, and do things that are totally outside of the person I thought I've come to know over the last 5 years.

    Her demon wants nothing but to feed on her life and our future until they are both dead...

    Her demon has caused immeasurable harm to her physically. financialy and emotionally yet he remains strong as our relationship crumbles.

    And an insensitive, selfish, self absorbed SOB incapable of providing her with the unconditional love that she needs, wants, and deserves from a life partner because I won't stand silent while she commits 'Suicide by cigarette".

    She smoke.

    I really don't think anyone is walking away from the scene of this crash
  14. invisiman


    Feb 22, 2004
    Maybe it's time to say "It's me, or the smokes." It really sounds like there's no companionship left, and that mistrust is taking it's place. It's hard thing to think of doing, but it's hard to see the proverbial "Bright light at the end of the tunnel" here, or even a candle at the end of the tunnel :meh: