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So, you find out a band member is a homosexual....

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by glocke1, Oct 12, 2013.

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  1. glocke1

    glocke1 Supporting Member

    Apr 30, 2002
    Do you make a big deal about it and ridicule the guy until he leaves or do you just MYOB?

    Asking because there has been a giant amount of ass-hattery about this going on in a band I am in.

    Our KB player is gay..I've known the guy for over a decade and have known about his orientation for the past several years.

    He's not a flamer, doesn't advertise it, he's basically a guy who plays exceedingly well, likes to play, is cool to hang with, but just doesn't like the chickie-poos. He's also one of the top players in our area and has no shortage of fill in and studio work.

    A few weeks back one of the guitar players find out about his orientation and has been making life unpleasant for the guy whenever we are together...Oftentimes making homophobic off-color jokes, and making other off-color homophobic jokes and comments.

    End result is the KB player had enough and basically said that if the GP keeps acting like an ******* he won't be back, since its basically the GPs gig (his house we rehearse at, his PA), etc...

    I know the GP well enough to know he won't stop...

    Oh yeah, keep in mind these are all guys in their 40s, so there should be a certain level of maturity and MYOB there.
  2. Nev375


    Nov 2, 2010
    If you were a human being you would leave the band with the keyboardist and tell the guitarist to take his hate and shove it up his own hole.
  3. gillento


    Oct 15, 2005
    Luxembourg, Europe
    Nordstrand pickups
  4. Jeff Elkins

    Jeff Elkins Supporting Member

  5. Floyd Eye

    Floyd Eye Inactive

    Feb 21, 2010
    St. Louis
    Who the hell cares? Can the guy do his job? That's all that matters.
  6. topo morto

    topo morto

    Mar 22, 2010
    Every time the guitarist mentions it, tell him to stop flirting and ask him why is so interested in gay stuff.
  7. Thomas Kievit

    Thomas Kievit Guest

    May 19, 2012
    ''Oh yeah, keep in mind these are all guys in their 40s''

    Really?!! Pretty sad that they your guitar player has to response like this... :rollno: :scowl:

    What can your keyboard player do about the fact he is gay? Is it his fault? Does it make him an bad musician? Does it make him unreliable?? Man, what an *ssh*le is your guitar player.. Very very sad to read this man, even worse from somebody who is in it's 40's.

    Just kick out the guitar player if he keeps going on like this. Your keyboard player seems to be a very nice man :) I don't expect he could be ''evil'' cause he is gay. But YOU should stand up for your keyboard player cause this man doesn't deserve this.

    Oh and to your question : I wouldn't do a thing cause you are gay or you are not gay. And if somebody is, YOU SHOULD ACCEPT IT WHETHER YOU F***ING LIKE IT OR NOT!!

    So keep it cool in the band, if not, kick out those who can't respect each other (doesn't matter for what!).
  8. glocke1

    glocke1 Supporting Member

    Apr 30, 2002
    Yeah...I know...and that may happen.

    I have stood up for the guy, which has basically consisted of me telling the GP to quit it with the all the comments but it falls on deaf ears...

    Speaking for myself, I honestly don't understand where all this guys hate comes from...
  9. Evil Undead

    Evil Undead

    Oct 31, 2009
    Yep, this.

    Guitarist is likely insecure about his own sexuality anyway. A lot of homophobes are. I'd have to mention that to him just for fun.

  10. Kmonk


    Oct 18, 2012
    South Shore, Massachusetts
    Endorsing Artist: Fender, Spector, Ampeg, Curt Mangan, Nordstrand Pickups, Korg , Conquest Sound
    The guitar player is ignorant. A person's sexual orientation has nothing to do with their ability. I have played in bands with a gay keyboard player and with a lesbian singer. I don't care what people do with their personal life as long as they treat people with respect and can play. If the guitarist acted that way at his job he would most likely be terminated. I would tell him that you and the keyboard player are uncomfortable with his comments and if he does it again, he will be replaced. It's 2013 and times have changed. I would bet that the guitar player interacts with other people on a daily basis who are gay and he doesn't even know it. You have a guitar player who has a chronological age in the 40s but emotionally he is about 12.
  11. Tell the guitarist that you are gay too.
  12. Floyd Eye

    Floyd Eye Inactive

    Feb 21, 2010
    St. Louis
    I would stand with the keyboard player. Tell gui**** if he does it again he will be looking for a bass player as well as a keyboardist.
  13. Silas Stingy

    Silas Stingy

    Feb 19, 2009
    Guitar player is in the wrong, simple as that.
  14. korngold


    Nov 10, 2006
    Guitarists are a dime a dozen, and you can find another place to rehearse, if necessary. I'd tell the KB player what you're doing, call a band meeting (with or without the KB player) to get the topic out in the open, and be prepared to walk. If you've known the KB for 10 years, you need to be a supportive friend and put the guitarist in his place. If he can't handle that, be ready to move on.
  15. topo morto

    topo morto

    Mar 22, 2010

    Oh, guitarist is definitely gay. The irony is that everyone here is saying he's wrong to be repressed... which is also a kind of discrimination... hmm...
  16. Goatrope

    Goatrope Supporting Member

    Nov 18, 2011
    Sarasota Florida
    Love this response. And they're 40 year old adults? Really sad.

    I'd distance myself from anyone who tolerates that crap. Your GP is beneath you. Move on.
  17. Nev375


    Nov 2, 2010
    He will hear it when the only sound he hears is his own mouth and his own guitar and nothing but whatever natural reverb exists in your practice room.
  18. jangalang


    Oct 5, 2008
    The band should sit down and talk and ask the GP to chill out. I think the talent level of each individual especially if your goals are set to be a valued package is what a band should be about.

    I if in the band would ask him has he made the band better with his keys as well as point out the opportunities he will present to the band for being open minded non prejudice men to me a price bump in gig money. The LGB people love to party and pay well. I'm not gay neither is cash. I hope you're GP grows a pair as well as grow up.
    From my church training it was Adam & Eve not Steve that still would not make me disrespect him.
  19. FretNoMore

    FretNoMore * Cooking with GAS *

    Jan 25, 2002
    The frozen north
    Tell the guitar player he needs to act like a human and shut up about it or go look for a new band.

    He may not like someone else's sexual orientation, nothing will probably change that, but he should show respect. If he can't live with it he needs to go, don't punish the keyboard player for what the guitar player does.
  20. ChessTiger


    Oct 26, 2012
    If he is that disrespectful to another of member of the band; I say it is time for everyone to let him be a one man band!!! If you understand what I'm saying

    I know it is easier said than done; but that is my answer.

    There is NO reason for him to treat the guy that way.

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