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Some awesome jokes that I found to be hilarious.

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Greg Johnsen, Jul 2, 2005.

  1. Greg Johnsen

    Greg Johnsen

    May 1, 2005
    Hickory NC
    What do you call a guitar player with an IQ of 100 or less? A Bass Player

    What happened when the drummer left his keyes in the car? It tookhim 2 hours to get the bass player out

    How do you know if the stage is level? If the drummer is drolling out of both sides of his mouth.

    What's the difference between a bassist, and a pizza, the pizza can feed a family of four.

    (long one now)

    A guy is on vacation to africa, when he gets to the airport, he hears drumming in the background. He goes to an employee and asks what it is. She says "Drums good, if drums stop, very very bad"

    The guy then goes to rent his car, and when he gets there, the drums have gotten louder. He asks the manager what the noise is, and his response is the same.

    The dude drives to his hotel and when he gets there, the drum noise is now blaring. He runs to the front desk person and yells "WHY ARE THERE DRUMS!?" and his answer is the same. After he pays, the drums suddenly stop. He asks"Why is this so bad?" The front desk person shakes his head, ansd covers, his ears, he then says "Now bass solo".

    I almost pissed my pants when I heard that one.

    How many guitarists does it take to turn in a light bulb, just one, but 9 more to say how much better and faster they could do it.

    How do you get a guitarist to turn down? Put tabs in front of him, how do you get him to turn off? Turn it into notes.

    If I hear anymore, I'll post them, I hope these were as funny for you as they were for me.

  2. Here's a good one.

    Hear the one about the search function?

    Nah, didn't think so.
  3. billio

    billio Bass Head

    How many group members at an un-moderated group does it take to change a lightbulb?

    1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

    14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

    7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

    27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

    53 to flame the spell checkers

    41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

    6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...

    another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

    2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

    15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

    156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"

    109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

    203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped

    111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group

    306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty
  4. 56 to claim that Monster extention cords make the bulbs brighter and last longer.

    Another 56 to claim that its just wire and makes no difference.

    10 more chime in to claim they can SEE the difference, so don't tell ME there's no difference.

    5 more to say you must have been comparing the brightness during daytime vs nighttime, cause the physics of the situation clearly proves there IS no difference between extension cords.

    25 to heap personal insults at the various people on both sides of the debate (I sort of merged them all in one group here....)

    5 people to ask how many watts the 100W light bulb will use if you add a 60W bulb to the fixture.

    4 people to say that's not a good idea cause the 100W bulb will get more power.

    8 people to point out that brightness is sensed logarithmically, so it would take a 1000W bulb to look twice as bright as the 100W bulb, therefore the difference in output between the 60 and the 100W bulb is not significant.

    8 people to claim they've used guitar cables to wire the electrical outlets in their house, and that hasn't caused any problems yet.

    4 people to say that bridging the line voltage to get 220V instead of 110 is the way to go, but be careful, cause at that point, neither lead is ground, they're both hot....

  5. thechauffeur86


    Apr 29, 2005
    You forgot to add that about 200 would suggest to use the search feature.
  6. Jazzin'

    Jazzin' ...Bluesin' and Funkin'

    How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None, a pianist could just do it with his left hand.
  7. How do you know when a female singer is at your door?

    When she can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

    What do you call a blues drummer?

    A metronome.

    How do you know when a jazz drummer is knocking at your door?

    When the knock gets faster and faster, Then slows down, To go fast again.
  8. Bruce B

    Bruce B

    Sep 2, 2004
    How many singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    One to hold the bulb while the world revolves around him. :eek:

  9. popinfresh


    Dec 23, 2004
    Melbourne, Aus
    Does anyone remember that guitarist/bassist light bulb one? Something about the guitarist stealing all the light? I can't remember it..
  10. Bruce B

    Bruce B

    Sep 2, 2004
    Maybe not the one you were thinking of but:

    How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    Five, one to do it and four to beat back all the guitarists who are trying to elbow him out of the spotlight.
  11. Greg Johnsen

    Greg Johnsen

    May 1, 2005
    Hickory NC
    that's my favorite joke right there man, I can'tstop laughing. It took me a while to get the female singer one though, but now that I've realized what it is, it's funny.

    What do you call a bas player that's popular? A guitarist.

    Why did the guitarist leave the band? Because the bass player got a 6 string.

    those aren't as good, I'm not that great at making them up.