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Something is rotten in San Francisco

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by slobake, Sep 27, 2013.

  1. slobake

    slobake resident ... something Supporting Member

    My neighboor has been very ill for a long time. When he got sick his wife left him with their two daughters and went back to the country the both came from. She also took most of their cash. They have never divorced. She has been after him for years to sell the house so she could have half of the money. He has been paying the mortgage for the last ten years or so.
    Meanwhile both his daughters grew up and left for other parts of the world. He has been getting progressively more ill. Many of us in the neighborhood have tried to help him as much as possible. His daughters were not in the picture at all.
    Now his young daughter has moved into his house with her friends and told him he has to move because they are paying rent. She also seems to resent us doing things like taking him to the hospital and checking up on him.
    He stopped communicating with us and we heard he left town and was planning on moving back to his country of origin. He never wanted to do that before. I just found out he has been in the hospital for almost a week now. He is so ill he needs an organ transplant to survive. The doctors are waiting on the organ.
    His other daughter just arrived from Europe where she had been living.
    I talked to him last night when I found out. He is pretty drugged up. He told me he was going to need a lot of help after the surgery but his daughter didn't want him to ask me for help because I have done too much already. I don't know where he is going after the surgery.
    I am planning on seeing him tonight at the hospital.
    I have questions:
    How could a daughter evict her very ill father?

    We asked his daughter to keep us informed of what was going on. Why didn't she tell us he has been in the hospital for almost a week?

    It seems like she is trying to cut him off from everyone else.Is that true?

    This is a father and a daughter I don't think it would be right to interfere in that relationship even though we are very close friends with him.

    I have a sneaking suspicion his wife is going to show up and the house will go up for sale. I'm not sure what the best thing is to do but I am praying about it.
  2. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    Man, I wish I could offer you more. I can't even wrap my head around what those women are doing to him. All I can say is that you're a good friend. If I am ever down and out, I hope I have a buddy like you in my corner.
  3. Yikes.

    With family like that, who needs enemies*.

    *(granted, there may be reasons we don't know about)
  4. ArtechnikA

    ArtechnikA I endorsed a check once... Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 24, 2013
    Surely in San Francisco there is an Adult Protective Services agency.
    Like Child Welfare - but for (typically older) adults in exactly the situation you describe.
    There is a lot of elder abuse, with and without greed.
    But greed is an excellent catalyst...
  5. bkbirge


    Jun 25, 2000
    Houston, TX
    Endorsing Artist: Steak n Shake
    People are crap.
  6. bongomania

    bongomania Gold Supporting Member Commercial User

    Oct 17, 2005
    PDX, OR
    owner, OVNIFX and OVNILabs
    +1 I would definitely contact the local elder abuse hotline.
  7. slobake

    slobake resident ... something Supporting Member

    That is a good point and one of the things I have been struggling with. I am susipicious but is it possible I don't know the whole story and am jumping to conclusions.
  8. slobake

    slobake resident ... something Supporting Member

    I hear what you are saying. Can I do that without his consent?
  9. ArtechnikA

    ArtechnikA I endorsed a check once... Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 24, 2013
    Of course!
    In the worst cases, you'd never be able to get consent.
    It can probably even be anonymous, although the more you can share the easier it will be for them to help.

    If the family doesn't know it's you, you'll probably get the blame anyway, so you have nothing to lose.

    My wife is an elder care professional and deals with this all the time... Put your taxes to work! Seriously - public agencies like this will be overworked and underfunded, but with specific concerns and allegations they can at least get some stuff on record...
  10. Tat2dHeart

    Tat2dHeart Only two strings away from an attitude problem.


    For someone to file a report like this does not require consent. In many cases, these reports are filed by friends on the outside who care and think something sounds or feels wrong based on how well they know the person who is potentially being abused. The good side about Elder Abuse is they aren't only looking for physical violence or neglect, they will also look into financial abuse if there is cause, depending on their local jurisdiction's rules.
  11. slobake

    slobake resident ... something Supporting Member

    Thanks Tat and everyone else. I will be making some decisions tonight after I visit him at the hospital.
  12. tastybasslines

    tastybasslines Banned

    May 9, 2010
    Los Angeles, CA
    Is he Jewish per chance? I was going to do an internship at a very active and big Jewish Pro Bono organization that handles 1400 elder abuse cases a year. They can help for sure.

    Also, how old is he? And does he own the house outright? Perhaps he could get a reverse mortgage or second mortgage out to help himself financially and before the wolves get their paws on the house. I'm not even sure if that can be done but it popped into my head.
  13. slobake

    slobake resident ... something Supporting Member

    Thanks Tasty, unfortunately the answer is no to all your questions. Except for his age that is, he is 61-years -old.
    He has always been a very stubborn guy and likes to do things his way. Lately his judgement has been impaired. A by-product of his illness is acculation of ammonia in the body which affects his thinking process. He is also on a lot of pain meds now. It was difficult talking to him on the phone yesterday, he would drift off mid-sentence.
  14. placedesjardins


    May 7, 2012
    Depends who is on the lease. If he is on the lease, then she cannot evict even if he's not paying the rent. Actually, if she's not on the lease, he can get her banned. :hyper:
  15. Staccato

    Staccato Low End Advocate

    Aug 14, 2009
    Sorry to hear, it sounds like things have gone from bad to worse.

    His daughter does not own the house, right? How can a relative 'think' they can kick someone out of the house like that. If Mom was living in another country, and not majority owner on the papers, she is in no position (legally) to make all the decisions about the property (or rent the house) without consent of the husband.

    Freaky situation. Just think of the billings that a good attorney could get out of this mess.
  16. Space Pickle

    Space Pickle

    Apr 15, 2013
    sounds like a case for COLUMBO!!!

    MAJOR METAL The Beagle Father Supporting Member

    I thought you were going to make reference the peculiar odor that was enveloping the city on Friday Morning.
  18. Contact the Area Agency on Aging:


    Adult Protective Services - To Report Neglect or Abuse, Call:

    (800) 814-0009 or (415) 355-6700 24-hours - If you know or suspect that an elderly person or adult with a disability who lives in San Francisco is being abused, you can call to make a confidential report.

    Free legal service for adults 60+


    Legal Assistance to the Elderly

    995 Market Street, Suite 1400
    San Francisco, CA 94103
    (415) 538-3333
  19. OldDog52

    OldDog52 Gold Supporting Member

    Jan 1, 2011
    Absolutely get public welfare agencies involved. That's what they're there for. Let them sort it out.

    People suck, especially greedy thoughtless dipsh*t family/relatives. I have a little personal experience with that. Uncle dies, I'm the executor, half-brother and his scheming wife ransack uncle's house and take his Tahoe to Florida before I could do anything.
  20. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    What an awful, insane situation. I don't have any advice to add, but keep praying and do what you can. Wow.

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