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Step Parents/Children (read on please)..

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by yoshi, Jun 13, 2004.


  1. yoshi

    yoshi

    Jul 12, 2002
    England, London
    Evenin all.

    I've been consolodating this thread for sometime now but never really got round to it. It shall basically be the thread about step parents/children (and exes)to air their views on teh matter, as well as being open to those 'unaffected' by it.

    One reason why I'm posting is that I have a step-dad who quite frankly is a not very nice person. I'm not posting this in a 14 year old rash decision; I'm 19 and as I said before have been thinking about posting for some time.

    I have many reasons for this decision varying from the sheer fact that he practically ignores myself and my twin brother (aka not his kids) and almost appears to spite us in the manner he treats his son. I aknowledge teh fact that he provides a house etc for us by the way..

    Also, there's been many a times where we've been threatended eviction..fortunatly my mum doesn't aggree with this!

    So, my view on step parenting is to avoid it at all costs. It isn't fair on any parties involved.

    Any one elses views?

    PS - I'd like to reiterate that I'm not posting following some kind of event and am just posting after a 14 years worth of observations :p
     
  2. my view is that you step-dad should have known that you and you're brother came along when he married your mom. i don't know alot of this situation from what u told me, but i agree with you. step-parenting should be avoided because it caus stress on the children and it isn't fair to the people who don';t have a say.
     
  3. vbass

    vbass

    May 7, 2004
    Bay Area, CA
    Well, it's kind of hard to avoid having stepchildren/parents when so many marriages end in divorce. I will say though, that my stepfather is the biggest jerk. I got a lot of the same crap that you did since I was not his child but my brother was, etc. On the other hand, my REAL father is a jerk too, so maybe some people should just avoid having children, step or otherwise.
     
  4. SoComSurfing

    SoComSurfing Mercedes Benz Superdome. S 127. R 22. S 12-13.

    Feb 15, 2002
    Mobile, Al
    My parents have been divorced for about 8 years now. My father remarried his first wife, who never had any kids, so she sees me as being her kid. Also, I'm my father's only child, so they think the world of me, and spoil me at any chance. :D I guess it doesn't hurt that my father is also one of my best friends and my boss.
    My mom has been remarried for 3 years now, to a guy I've known for years because he was always a member of the church I grew up in. He's a bit older, and his children are all grown and have families of thier own, so we don't really "click" all that well. It's not that we don't get along, we just don't really know each other. I think the world of both of my step-parents, though, as they do me, and I couldn't be happier that Jim (my step-father) is a wonderful person and loves my older brother and sister like they were his own children , and my niece and nephew just as much as his own grand children.
     
  5. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    I just want to post as someone with both his real parents who are together.

    I dont talk to or get along with my parents that great. They're nice enough and we dont fight normally, but we dont talk and have very different views about a lot of things.

    I just thought it might be a good idea to post that so that kids who dont have great relationships with their step parents see that its pretty normal even with their biological parents.

    Peace
    Nick
     
  6. bassturtle

    bassturtle

    Apr 9, 2004
    Bingo.
     
  7. grovest

    grovest

    Feb 26, 2002
    Oregon
    It sounds like your step-dad is a jerk, and would be a jerk if he was your step-dad or biological dad or your neighbor.

    I have two sets of parents, each with a step. My dad remarried when I was still fairly young and so it was easy to adapt to my step mom as a mom-figure. My mom remarried when I was 19, and so it would have been strange for my step dad (I hardly even think of him as that) to start to treat me as his son. It wasn't necessary.

    In other words, I think the more 'parenting' a child has left, the easier it is for the steps and the kids to build a loving (pardon the sentimentality) relationship.

    You might feel differently if you get divorced one day and then find someone else you can love who also loves you...
     
  8. LiquidMidnight

    LiquidMidnight

    Dec 25, 2000
    I often joke that it should be a requirement to hold a Master's degree in psychology before people should be allowed to have children. While I'm only joking about the matter, the truth is, many people who have children, shouldn't. Just for the fact they have no idea on how the cognitive background of a person is formed. While I'm not a parent, I have serious ethical issues with the way that many people raise their children. Especially parents who hit their children. While it could be argued as being "discipline" the truth of the matter is, the parent's usually hitting their kid out of anger, not in attempt to condition the child.

    As far as the step-father issue. Much of it comes from the fact that people feel the need to "possess" things. (especially males) I've seen families with the stereotypical assh*** stepfather, and I've seen families where the step-father has a great relationship with their step-children. I really have no interest in starting a family, but if I were to marry a women with children, I would treat them as my own.
     
  9. bassturtle

    bassturtle

    Apr 9, 2004
    Hmmmm...maybe a good topic for another thread, eh?
     
  10. Nick Gann

    Nick Gann Talkbass' Tubist in Residence

    Mar 24, 2002
    Silver Spring, MD
    My father passed away when I was an infant, and my mom remarried when I was around 9 or 10 (I don't remember exactly). They divorced when I was 15, about two years ago. He is a total waste of a person. He drank like a fish, but he was able to hide it from my mom until a few years into the marriage. He lost his job and began drinking full time. He got kicked out of the house, and mom got the divorce. He has since tried to play daddy once every two months to my little (half) brother, but he makes no attempt to interact with me. He knows I hate him, as I have told him to his face on more than one occasion. So, as a result, I have sort of became my brother's father figure. I figure it gives me a head start when I start my own family ;)

    So the moral of the story: All step parents are not a$$es, just some a$$es become step parents.
     
  11. McHack

    McHack

    Jul 29, 2003
    Central Ohio!
    Hmm, well, I AM a step-dad... I have two kids from my first marriage, & my wife has two kids from her first marriage. We're like a regular friggen Brady Bunch....

    Ages of all 4 kids are, 16, 14, 13, & 12. By & Large, we all get along prett well, but there's times when we don't...

    My son, 16, literally tries to coast thru everything, he just flunked his TEMP drivers test, he's a high school wrestler, for one of the top 10 wrestling programs in the state of Ohio, yet all he seems to care about is skateboarding.

    My daughter, 14, tends to be rather lazy, but a very sweet kid... Lacks motivation.

    My step-son, 13, is ADHD AND OCD... He's mad-professor smart, but at the same time, almost disabled,, kind of an idiot savant. He sees the house might be dirty, but doesn't realize the chips he just threw on the floor is part of the mess.
    He is NOT people oriented & at times is at odds, w/ virtually everyone in the house, because he doesn't understand. Likes basketball, & will likely be pretty good, because he obsesses on improvement.

    My step-daughter, 12, she tends to be lazy, & again, a very sweet kid.

    Now, here's the funny thing. We all tend to get along, but there's some strong personalities. 13 year old is obsessively competitive, 16 year old is the kid everyone likes, 14 & 12 cling together like butter, because they're both starting to like boys.

    13 year old whines obsessively, to try & get someone to play basketball with him. Nobody likes basketball, except him. So, occasionally we'll accept going out & playing a "friendly game", but right off the bat, 13 year old will damn near be tackling people for the ball, & then doens't get why nobody wants to play basketball. Lo & behold, he thinks people dont like him...

    16 year old is in this, independent, rebelious stage, where he thinks he knows it all & he can do things HIS way,,,, but when I let that go on, all he really does is skate & his responsibilities suffer.

    14 & 12, are on AOL's IM to boys, or girls,,, talking about boys, almost ALL day & night. (I hate summer!)

    Damn, I don't really have time to finish my post... (at work)
     
  12. MAJOR METAL

    MAJOR METAL HARVESTER OF SORROW Staff Member Supporting Member

    Step Family's have been some of the roughest encounters of my life, in MY expirence no one not even the married couple are on the same piece of music. Stay strng man , i feel your pain. Just look at it as he is your Mum's spose and he isint the center of your life. If he rules with a heavy hand in the home that should be incentie enough to want to move out fast.
     
  13. Baofu

    Baofu

    Mar 8, 2003
    WA/CA
    My parents divorced, and my father remarried. I would spend the summers with him, but I think it was just poor timing. I was an arrogant 14 year old when he remarried, and I completely resented the authority my step-mother had over me. It's like, I didn't CHOOSE you. I don't care what your opinion is, because you don't matter to me. I still intensely dislike her.

    man, cathartic.
     
  14. vbass

    vbass

    May 7, 2004
    Bay Area, CA
    It sounds like his relationship is a little too far gone to be "talked" through. Some people just really don't care, sad but true. I could talk to my step-father til I was blue in the face and he would probably just get mad at me for interrupting his beer time.
     
  15. McHack

    McHack

    Jul 29, 2003
    Central Ohio!
    Yea, I know... I know dads that are like that,, w/ thier own kids... let alone ones that aren't thiers.
     
  16. yoshi

    yoshi

    Jul 12, 2002
    England, London
    1st off, I'd like to thank everyone for their range of inputs. This has devolped into a half decent, multi-sided discussion; thanks!

    I have actually in the past, most of the time which results in some completely unrelated event that my twin brother has recently been involved in/caused- sort of his feeble attempt at forming an alliance by which to lever 'power' against my bro. Funnily enough, I see straight through this and stick with my twin..even when he is clearly in the wrong (hey, you give an inch; they take a mile).
     
  17. chrisb1024

    chrisb1024 Guest

    Mar 18, 2003
    Nashua, NH
    what is even worse than step dads our your own dad when they become someone else's stepdad you got me?
    my parent's got divorced when i was 12 my father than moved form boston (where we lived) to baltimore while there he met a women who was recently divirced they fell in love than he along with her and her 3 young kids moved to portland oregon(where they got maried 1 year later)...i saw my father once a year for 1 week during the summer it was great to see him but very strange to see him around her kids she would practicaly ignore them and my father would do all the parenting (he did no parenting when he lived with me) well years go by like this and it was time for me to go off to college he refused to help in anyway (i wan't asking for it all just allittle help he makes good money) well my mother wasn't able to help either so my education suffered (i did what i could but it wans't the same) now my point he put his step son through film school in l.a 30 grand a year but wouldn't give me a dime...so he too is a t***
     
  18. Mud Flaps

    Mud Flaps

    Feb 3, 2003
    Norton, MA
    I don't agree with you (original poster). I have two step-parents and love them dearly. They're great people who wish for positive things in my life, like my biological parents. Sometimes I believe they are mislead, but all in all they're good for my life.
     
  19. oh boy, where to start.....

    my mom has been married five times. FIVE. i'm a product of the second marriage, and i have three older siblings which were from the first. the "half-brother/half-sister" thing never entered our lives. i love all of them completely. my dad never remarried. so, onto my step dads....

    #1
    Bob. complete jerk. great trumpet player, but we ended up going to blows once when i was 12. he was gone the next day.

    #2
    Ray. great guy. nicest guy i've ever met. terrible alcoholic, and couldn't right himself. ended up hanging himself. that was really hard on me and my mom.

    #3
    Ron. current stepdad. cop. ok guy. except when he got drunk at MY wedding and tried to pick a fight with my dad. i threw him out, and didn't talk to him for about a year. things are still a little tense between us, but he loves my mom and she loves him. they'll be together forever, and she will always be my mom. so we have to respect each other.

    my brothers and my sister love their stepmom. and they love my dad. they still consider him family, and they all write him constantly.

    the tough thing to remember is that your parent LOVES your step parent. you have to respect that no matter how much you may butt heads with them. don't be confrontational, but discuss any negative situation alone with your parent.

    the step family thing isn't easy for anyone involved.
     
  20. oh man.... i sound like white trash!

    really guys, i do own my own shoes.