STOOPID product names!

Discussion in 'Effects [BG]' started by adouglas, Jul 8, 2003.

  1. adouglas


    Jun 23, 2003
    Bridgeport, CT
    I have (and like, for the most part) a Korg PX4B Pandora.

    But cripes, what illiterate, ignorant marketing genius came up with that name?

    I mean, when you open Pandora's Box, a lot of REALLY BAD STUFF comes out. Not exactly the sort of thing you want to associate an effects box with, is it?
  2. JMX

    JMX Vorsprung durch Technik

    Sep 4, 2000
    Cologne, Germany
    Well, it's named Pandora, not Pandora's box.
    So it's just named after a beautiful woman... ;)
  3. fclefgeoff

    fclefgeoff Supporting Member

    Jan 3, 2002
    A porn flick?
  4. JMX

    JMX Vorsprung durch Technik

    Sep 4, 2000
    Cologne, Germany

    So the name fits the "unbelievably powerful stuff from a small box" mindset.
  5. adouglas


    Jun 23, 2003
    Bridgeport, CT
    It IS an effects box... the suggestion is obvious, though not literally there.

    I dunno, it just struck me as singularly inappropriate.

    There's an increasing trend towards dumb, meaningless product -- and even corporate -- names. Here are some real examples:


    These are, in order:

    A car
    A camera
    A train
    A tobacco company (!)


    This is what George Orwell was on about. The subversion of language, using meaningless gibberish to obfuscate the truth. The one that really bugs me is Altria, which used to be Philip Morris. Did they really think that renaming themselves would take any of the heat off?
  6. JMX

    JMX Vorsprung durch Technik

    Sep 4, 2000
    Cologne, Germany
    I agree, most product names are dumb, but I guess they [new designed words] are used mostly because the risk is too high that ordinary names and words are already taken as a trademark etc.
  7. the idea behind philip morris switching to "altria" wasn't to make all their tobacco related problems go away, it was to seperate (in consumers minds) the connection between cigarettes and all the other companies they have... nabisco and all that junk. it worked. the smokes are still under philip morris, but the parent company is altria. once they are forced out of tobacco (and they will be) it will be a much easier transition to being just another giant faceless corporation... which is a lot better than being a giant corporation that made money off of killing people.

    honestly though, i like having products with real names instead of number/letter crap. i'm looking at an ad right over there...
    for an NL-210 and an EA I-amp800... i'd prefer it if they were "bob" and "chuck" or something equally meaningless.

    when you get to the root of it, all product names are meaningless.

    [/coffee induced blathering]
  8. dirtrider

    dirtrider Inactive

    You shouldn't harp on product names only when there are so many bands with stupid names that use products with stupid names. Which is worse?:meh:
  9. Christopher


    Apr 28, 2000
    New York, NY
    Moogerfooger is a stoopid name. Good product though.
  10. adouglas


    Jun 23, 2003
    Bridgeport, CT
    I guess it's just my literal-mindedness, but I prefer it the other way. Without even looking at the ad I can deduce that the NL-210 is a 2x10 cabinet and the i-amp800 is an amplifier, probably one that puts out 800 watts. I haven't checked... am I right?

    I prefer it when people bloody well say what they mean. I guess that comes from being married for 18 years and having to decode what's REALLY being said.

    BTW, by profession I'm a writer/editor. I've made my living for decades taking gibberish and turning it into clear, plain English. I battle daily against obfuscation and meaningless drivel. Hey, it's a living.
  11. fclefgeoff

    fclefgeoff Supporting Member

    Jan 3, 2002
    I hope you don't mind, but I am quoting you for my signature....
  12. FunkySpoo

    FunkySpoo Supporting Member

    Feb 6, 2002
  13. babecker


    Mar 7, 2002
    Sykesville, MD
    The new Nissan Murano. What the hell were they thinking when they named that? Murons.
  14. that's a hell of a battle you're fighting right there! keep it up! sorry to say so, but i'm a big supporter of the meaningless. it's entertaining.
  15. Seems like a great many folk were really down on DOD for their "uncoventional" labelling of those boxes a few years back i.e.; "Meatbox" with knob names like "rump" ,"flank" etc. I for one thought the idea while being whacky for sure, was a ton 'o fun adding to the collectability and uniqueness of the product.
    Now a day when considering any new stompbox purchase I often justify it not only for how functional, cool-sounding or "problem solving" the unit might be but also for if the box might become a "classic" based on how left-field it is.
    I went back to pedals because they were more fun for me and have more of a "novelty" factor than the more serious rack fx approach. Wouldn't you rather stomp on a "Meatball" or a "Foot pig"? I know I would.
  16. think how much sound you could get from a big box!
  17. Here is my list of some of the worst product names ever:

    Volkswagen's "Touareg" What?
    The soft drink, "Squirt". Ewwww!
    Any newly-developed pharmaceutical:

    Although the Volkswagen suv and the various dopes provide some indication for the reason for making silly product names. You see, manufacturers know that commonly used words and names of people can't be trademarked (in fact, not even "Pandora" or "Pandora's box can) so they generally have to make up words so that the product will be able to be trademarked. Incidentally, that is why Bayer got so screwed: even though it had trademarked "aspirin" as the market name for acetaminophen, it didn't protect the word from becoming synonymous with acetaminophen among the general public (presumably by suing retailers who sold non-Bayer acetaminophen products as "aspirin"). Thus, it lost its trademark in that term, at least in retail use.

    This rather long aside having run its course, I shall now make my way toward my intended point: since manufacturers have to make up names in order to survive, the march to obfuscation will surely progress.

  18. DanGouge


    May 25, 2000
    I think that Electro-Harmonix takes the cake for most bizarre product names...

    -Small Stone
    -Small Clone
    -Big Muff Pi
    -Electric Mistress
    -The Worm
    -Memory Man
    -Tube Zipper

    If you just saw a list of these names, how would even know what this stuff was? I guess it's part of the E-H charm...
  19. FunkySpoo

    FunkySpoo Supporting Member

    Feb 6, 2002
    The name is taken from a nomadic tribe in the Sahara
  20. I wasn't aware that the VW was named after a group of people. Thank you for clearing it up. I still think it's a stupid thing to name a product, especially that kind of product: I'm sure that nomadic tribe will be glad to know that it will now forever be associated with an enormous, earth-depleting behemoth that, thanks to the world bank (which, by the way, facilitated some of Volkswagen's South American production via its usurious "loans" to that continent's governments), none of them will ever be able to own. How pleasant for them.