Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by ColonelZulu, Aug 23, 2001.


Poll closed Aug 30, 2001.
  1. Farts are funny

    18 vote(s)
  2. Farts are gross

    2 vote(s)
  3. Farts are natural

    17 vote(s)
  4. I tend to let loose in noisy areas or blame it on someone else.

    11 vote(s)
  1. ColonelZulu

    ColonelZulu Not Impressed By Those Who Flaunt “Authority” Supporting Member

    Apr 14, 2001
    I know some of youare going to find this tasteless but...

    I was at a rehearsal last night and the keyboard player was blowing foul wind from his rectum. It was like Fritos n' Eggs. Not too humorous.

    Then while we were walking out he left one for the band that was following us in. Very nice practice for them I'm sure.

    Then while in the lobby downstairs, our singer (female) was catching a rap with another band that was coming in claiming they were from Florida or something. I decided to unleash a screaming mimi as I passed by so as to make it appear that she had just lost bowel control. I don't think anyone noticed though. Maybe they were just being polite.

    Not that farting is funny or anything...ok I guess it is, unless you wake up to a dutch oven!

    Sorry for the childishness, I'm ok now, carry on.
  2. Bass Guitar

    Bass Guitar Supporting Member

    Aug 13, 2001
    Sorry. The only wind instrument I play is my tenor sax.
  3. Bass-A-Nova

    Bass-A-Nova Guest

    Nov 2, 2000
    ...At practice the other night, our drummer reminded us of his power. Not where the beat is concerned, mind you - but where his control over eliminating fresh air is concerned.

    Screwed up my playing ability for about an hour. Usually I think rectal gas is hilarious, but this wasn't...whew...:eek:
  4. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    I'm sitting here at work laughing my ass off with tears running down my face, thanks you bastard!!!:eek: :D :D :D
  5. fretbuzz

    fretbuzz Guest

    you barn animals, squeeze your cheeks and lay some cable. keep the air fresh.
  6. Zirc


    May 13, 2001
    Los Angeles
    Damned stinky drummers... :p
  7. air_leech


    Sep 1, 2000

    sounds like a severe case of G.A.S.
  8. I am the one in my band that has been commonly called "Zoo-Ass" or "Wolf-Ass"........I once let one fly during a show and the singer missed about two whole lines....I snuck up on him and BLAMMO....It was hilarious.....:D:D:D
  9. Bass-A-Nova

    Bass-A-Nova Guest

    Nov 2, 2000
    :D Now I know how to keep those primmadonna singers in line!
  10. Sounds like our lead guitarist, he just lets it out as loud as he can no matter where he is. He is almost as bad with urination too, I guess "When you gottat go, you gottat go" are the words he lives by.
  11. spyde223

    spyde223 Guest

    Apr 11, 2000
    Dumas, Texas
    I love letting 'em off silently in class and stinking up the whole area. No one will ever know it's you and it's funny as all hell.
  12. A man who farts is a free man.

    you guys ever tried putting a fart on fire ? i did.. but i ended up with all scorched hair on my buttcheeks.. ouch :( looks cool tho.. a blue / greenish flame :D
  13. Hategear

    Hategear Workin' hard at hardly workin'.

    Apr 6, 2001
    Appleton, Swissconsin
    I think farts are all-in-all pretty funny. My girlfriend was amazed when I told her I probably fart no less than 20 times a day. Anyway, as funny as I think it is to clear a room with a rotten egg beefer, there is a time and a place for it. It irritates me when I am confined in the basement with my band practicing and my singer drops one bomb after another. Once is funny, twice is slightly less humorous, three times is getting old and four or more in two hours is just plain wrong! :mad: Also, you have to know who does and doesn't appreciate a good ripper. Standing in line in the grocery store, in front of an old lady and her grandson, or while negotiating the price on a new Lexus, is not the appropriate time or place. ;)

    I wanna get off my soapbox now and end this with some humor. Even in an elevator with just you and one other person, you can put the blame on someone else -- just be the first one to point the fart out. It's just you and one other guy in the 'vator -- let 'er fly and then casually turn to him and say, "Damn man, did you just drop your ass!?" :D

    EDIT: I would gladly give up the fart smell in exchange for being able to actually see the fart cloud. www.MrMethane.com
  14. Davidoc

    Davidoc Guest

    Sep 2, 2000
    Northern VA and JMU
    :( This pole is not very open; Farts are funny, gross and natural, and I guess the fourth choice works for me too!
  15. Aaron


    Jun 2, 2001
    Seattle, WA
    Remember, protect the Ozone layer by shooting a cow a day.
  16. melvin

    melvin Guest

    Apr 28, 2001
    Once in science last year my friend was reading to fart on a bunsen burner, he seriously was ready to do it.

    In P.E. we would sit far from the teacher during reading time (the school makes every class read 10 minutes sometime that period, most teachers dont do it though) but 3 of my friends would have fart fights, great fun, and in math 2 of them would do the same. It was even better since the teacher was insane. :D
  17. I used to work in a repair-centre of a Dutch computercompany.. we had real laughs there..

    the trick is this : sit on a chair at the opposite side of the table as your collegue.. take a blowdryer, and hold it in front of your ass, then turn on the blowdryer, and blow a fart.. the fart will be heated up by the blowdryer and shoot way to the other end of the table, where your victim resides :D
    heated farts smell even worse :D
  18. Murf


    Mar 28, 2001
    The best ones are the ones that you cause others to do like telling the saxophonist in the church band the punchline to the joke youve spent the last 10 mins building up and in trying to stifle his laughter cuts the cheese LOUDLY at a very unfortunate part of the mass which in turn sets the rest of the band and choir off just before they have to sing a hymn....oh yes...its good to be the king.

    Or the farts you can only get in a hostel at night time the type of ones which render the owner unconcious and clear bunks for miles around.:D
  19. BigJH

    BigJH Guest

    Jan 20, 2001
    Cincinnati, Ohio
    AllodoX what were you doing with a blowdryer at work :confused:? I've cleared many a room with some of my butt trumpets.